Moving from private to grammar in y7

[11plusBS]

My child has been in a private school since reception. It is a highly academic school but she seems to be doing okay academically and very happy socially.
We manage the fees somewhat, at the cost of other things such as holidays, cars, savings etc.
We will potentially have an offer from a very academic and top rated girls grammar school.
Being new to the secondary school system here, we are quite nervous that the grammar school will be even more intense than her current school. She is bright but not self motivated or driven and we aren’t pushy parents.
we worry that the grammar school may not provide a wholesome education for her and she may get lost in the sea of uber competitive girls.
For what it’s worth, she got into the grammar without any tutoring and with a few months of decent efforts, not the crazy slog I’ve seen other parents/ kids put in.
She is currently average at most things in school - a happy average.
any advice?

Without understanding the specific school culture it is hard to advise.
My son is at a grammar school. There is definitely an expectation to be focussed and to study hard but I wouldn't say it was THAT competitive and it sounds like your daughter wouldnt be in the bottom percentiles where it is harder to thrive.

The grammar school likely won't have the same facilities and probably bigger classes, but personally I'd snap up the place in your shoes, given how much money you would save and how else you could spend it.

Grammar schools can be intense and competitive but it's probably not that different to an academic private school. If she got in fairly easily, she is likely to hold her own. Plus if you are relaxed about how she is doing, she won't be under the same pressure as some pupils get from home, so hopefully she won't worry e.g. what set she is in.

Depends on the school, some are way more intense than others.

DD went to an all girls grammar school and loved it. The perception of pushy academic stuff is compared to regular comprehensive, not independent schools.

If she got in without tutoring she’ll do just fine. A tiny fraction of the money you’ve saved in fees could be spent on tutoring if necessary for support in later years. Go for it.

My kids all went to state grammars. They weren't chained to their desks. They also do sport and other clubs at the schools. They do the same exams as other schools. They just have a clever cohort with them.

Save the money and take the grammar place.

It depends a lot on the area. In London there aren't many grammar schools, so they tend to be more intense than the private schools. The demographic tends to be from very pushy cultures who tend to focus on academics. Private schools tend to have better sports and arts. In other areas where there are more grammars it is less intense. I prefer the roundedness of private schools, but not at the expense of other experiences like holidays.

Entirely depends on the area.

I went to a grammar. There were girls there who barely passed their GCSEs (although swiftly removed from the exams after mocks where possible). Just because you can do VR, doesn't mean you have an aptitude for languages and maths.

Trafford is the same now. Decent results but no better than a decent top set at a mixed comp top set.

I think the difference is culture within the school

Would I take my child out of private, save myself £200k and use it for holidays and a house deposit. Damn sure. I know kids who went private for secondary and they got the same results as similarly bright kids in a decent naice comp, nevermind grammar.

Private is better for facilities, especially sport. Anyone can fund music and super curricular from a state school (grammar or comp) with invested parents.

Your dc sounds great and you are my kind of parent.

Would you be brave enough to name the grammar school?

There’s one super selective girls school near me which is nuts and I would think twice before sending a normal girl there if you are normal parents. Unless you want 11 grade 9s to be your DD’s sole mission in life!

But you could get some advice on the school itself, that would be really sensible as they are all a little different

Thanks for all your messages. The school in question is Henrietta Barnet. We are very lucky to potentially have a spot, so I don't want to sound ungrateful. Therefore looking for opinions from people who may know girls at the school or parents with children at the school or schools with similar academic ethos, who may be able to give me their viewpoint..

Hi OP, I will private message you

We couldn't do it... ended up giving up a grammar place and chose the environment more familiar to her. Secondary school is already a big step up with the cohort more than doubling up, and as working parents, we needed some of the convenience that a private school offers.
Selective independent schools have uber competitive girls too, coupled with tiger parents pushing them to do sports and music on top of that so it could still be a high pressure environment.
You would know well by now the benefits of a private school, so I'd think about how much that meant to you so far. For some children and families the cost outweigh the pros, and for others vice versa.

There are lots of threads about HB if you do an advanced search. It has never particularly appealed to me based on anecdotes and local knowledge, but we are too far to consider it seriously anyway. I would consider the pastoral side particularly carefully - high-achieving academic girls' schools tend to have certain issues and the value of her being happy in her current social group has to be considered alongside the academics and extracurriculars. It's in quite a north London bubble so I'd seek advice based on the specific schools rather than a generic private vs grammar issue.

Omg it’s HB! Well then you can get a mountain of advice online at MN.

I met quite a lot of HB girls at university (they did send a lot to Oxbridge) and they were all pretty intimidating - very self assured, very driven and bright- but also very nice girls on the whole. They were the kind of girls who seemed highly like to become competent, career-minded adults.

I recall an AMA by a recent HB pupil a while back who got slated a bit. Might be worth googling .

Personally I would say your dd has the very best chance of being able to cope at a place like HB precisely because you haven’t coached and forced her. Schools like that have a way of tapping into raw talent and making girls ambitious and highly motivated even if they didn’t have precocious primary school record. Having sensible parents can help keep her head when the pressure starts to mount later on.

I have a good feeling that whichever you way you jump, your dd will land on her feet. Pros and cons at every school, but I’d give HB a shot - if you’ve got a place then your dd is bright and I wouldn’t let that opportunity pass her by.

Also you don’t get a spot at HB by luck! So it’s not lucky - it’s earned. You have every right to mull over whether the offer is right for your dd.

Thank you so much for your comments. It seems like a big decision to make at this point in her life, but probably in the long run, it won't matter which way we go. Still a few weeks to decide...

It depends on the school. We have a super selective co-ed that I would only send a very hard working very clever kid to (DD1); the other kids there are so academically focussed. We have other grammars nearby that still require effort to get into but have a more mixed group of kids; still clever but not such a narrow ability range and better sports. I would like DD2 to get into one of those. I also would prefer all-girls but DD1 is such a fit for the co-ed in other respects so she's going there.

The problem with grammar school is that they push for results in every subject because they care for GCSE results, rankings. And what matters for your kid's life is to be top notch in the subjects she will take at A level and the rest just to have a good passing grade.

Think about the extra curricular at the indie - will she miss the timetabled sport and performing arts? If not, go for grammar. HB will give you excellent academics + sports/arts is optional and interested girls can pursue it.

My DD went from private prep to another super selective all girls grammar. In the beginning it was a culture shock - the bigger class sizes, average facilities, packed lunches etc. But despite the initial shock and the issues that come with all girls and the academic pressures - she not just survived but did very well. She’s very happy to have studied in a place that has people from all backgrounds and not just the rich kids (although there are some really rich kids in grammar too). She considers it a privilege to have been in such a like-minded peer group. She had a long commute but refused to move to a closer well regarded private for 6th form.

In my experience private primary + grammar secondary is an excellent path for an academic child who is not going to miss the high level of sport offered by indies. Performing arts are usually of a good standard at grammar but optional.
Good luck with your decision.

Depending on the grammar school they offer a variety of extracurriculars and academic clubs for those interested, students are just not constantly encouraged to attend by their teachers as they need to be more independent.

Just read that your dd may get a place at HB - my DS’s school is quite similar but a boys version - apart from the academic side of things, there are literally Hundreds of clubs to choose from, and if your dd is pretty independent and would take up those opportunities then she will thrive in that environment.