Poor mock results - angry

[Anonymousemouses]

My DD goes to a grammar school, and her mocks were disappointing, except Spanish, her worst subject.

I had a thread last year about how she went from a grade 8 last summer, to a grade 3 in tests at the beginning of this academic year, in Spanish. The teacher suggested putting her down to foundation, but DD refused, and ended up getting an 8 (a few marks away from a 9), as she worked hard for it.

However, Maths (one of her strongest subjects and predicted an 8 in it), she only got a 5! She said it was hard and they did stuff they haven't learnt yet. This is particularly upsetting as she wants to do Maths A Lecel and is consistently getting merits and 100% in tests. She didn't revise much for it.

The same thing with chemistry - predicted a 9, based on Y10 mocks and 100% in tests, she got a 6.

The mocks were a couple of weeks ago, long after the secondary schools had theirs, so less time to rectify.

DD is very nonplussed about it. She didnot revise much for them.

My friend's son, who goes to a secondary, was much lower grades, but has spent all his time out of school, in Y11, revising. Every night and weekend, and it paid off.

Unfortunately they were not allowed to bring home their papers, so there is no way of practicing what they were bad at, they never used past papers, so I'm not sure of what they used.

I'm so angry with DD. She spends too much time in SM or watching videos, and says she will burn out if she does too much.

I feel strongly as I never bothered at her age, and only got A Levels after I had my son, Unfortunately my MH struggles became immense after my sons dad attacked and tried to kill us all.

The school have emphasised that the mocks do not represent what they are expected to get in their GCSEs and they expect everyone to go up a grade or more in everything, but how?

As it stands she should get into her 6th form, but she wants to be a psychologist, which isn't going to be possible if she doesn't improve.

The only glimmer of hope I have, is that she went from a 3 to 8 in Spanish in a few months, as she put in the effort. She's done past GCSE maths papers online and gets 7, so I'm unsure what happened,

I forgot to add, I feel alone in this as DH (not my son's dad, my sonis 34 now), is desperate for us to go away, even for just a week in the Easter holidays, I've been adamant that no, revision first as that can't wait and will be over by July, but he's now convinced DD rgat a week away from revising would be good, as she needs fun too.

This would be fine, except when she was revising for her mocks, I'd go in her room, and she'd have her computer chat window open as well as the work she was doing, plus YouTube on, which isn't conducive to study in my opinion.

It sounds like you’re projecting your own lack of academic success at that age onto DD & expecting her to make up for it. I would say that if she is intelligent enough to pass 11+ she will be fine. As long as she gets grades for her next step then that’s what matters.

I honestly think working 24/7 at age 16 sounds thoroughly miserable!

Also compared to your son it sounds like she’s doing much better in life - regardless of her final grades.

I have heard of certain schools - particularly grammar and private schools - allowing students to get low predicted grades in order to encourage them to take GCSEs more seriously than they otherwise might.

Stop projecting yourself onto your DD, thats one heck of a way to push her away. Shes her own person not a extension of you.

Leave her be.
You are putting pressure on her because of your own failings. Thats not going to motivate her in the slightest.

I've talked about this before but this happened to me in maths. I found school quite easy and got good grades with minimal effort. I didn't enjoy maths but was in top set. I was expected to get all As A stars, I got an E in my maths mock. I have never felt more panicked in my life. My maths teacher (HOD) pulled me in and said you might be able to waltz in to an English classroom throw around some fancy words and come out with a top mark but that doesn't work in my subject, you work hard for it. He set me additional work (which I later learned was A level) I reviewed and resubmitted coursework, I actually revised for maths. Results day I was nervous in a way I'd never been about exams, I thrive under pressure and had never bombed an exam before. I got an A , I cried, he was thrilled and told me to take maths A level as I had real potential. I didn't, because I don't like maths, but his point was made. I think that mock should've probably been a B or low A but he wanted to frighten me so I reached my actual potential.

OP not saying the school have done this as I think it would be frowned upon these days, but let her use it as motivation to focus. Can you after a revision timetable she's happy with and let her have the break at Easter?

It might be an idea to pull back and let her get in with it. Constantly battling over this is pointless and probably counter productive. Listen to your DH.

So two things to say;

in class tests are generally on the stuff they’ve learnt in the last couple of weeks/half term. If you have a good memory it’s easy to do well in them.

the GCSEs test a whole range of content some of which she won’t have seen since beginning of year 10.

so yes, if she wants to do well then she needs to do some revision.

I’d suggest sitting down with her and agreeing which ones are important to her, and focusing on those.

year 11 can be very stressful and it’s important to balance rest and work. We did take ours away on holiday at Easter of year 11 (but did also take revision).

Easter is getting close to the exams. Could you compromise on a weekend away near the end? Maybe a city break, with a little reward shipping to if she has been revising well?

Shopping trip, not shopping to!

You’re the parent. Get her off social media and doom scrolling through videos!!!

I'm sorry but you are totally unreasonable to be angry with her. They are her exams, not yours. She has to do it her way not yours. FWIW I think your dd has the right attitude. There's no point getting burnt out at this stage. A student has to be strategic with when and how they put effort in to exams. It sounds like your dd has got her head screwed on. She got the grade she needed in Spanish to stop going down to foundation and so presumably she will similarly pull things out of the bag for the real things. Also schools often mark very hard on the mocks to give everyone a kick up the backside. Stop making this about you and intervene to support your dd when she is revising for the actual exams. You need to trust her a bit more. They are her exams and you have to support her own motivation, not take over. If you take over it will backfire.

From the sounds of it you are projecting your own academic failure on to her. Without meaning to you are placing enormous pressure on her and she is likely shutting down to protect herself from failing. Its easier to fail without trying than to try really hard and fail. One is a choice, the other is a measure of success. I would back off massively, apologise for the pressure, explain where your anxiety comes from, and that you love her whatever grade she gets. Set boundaries around her phone use and focus on lots of connection with her. She needs to feel secure, exams are really stressful for children, especially when their parents are setting the bar so high.

She's bright.
It is only the start of February.
If she admits/recognises it is lack of work she can rectify with work.

In maths there are always things you haven't done unless you have done all the content to grade 9. She won't get to do maths A level without at least a 7 however.

How does she feel about her results?

She needs to grow up and do some revision!
Get off her phone, sort out her attitude and knuckle down a bit.

No idea why people are telling you that it’s fine that your DD didn’t work for her mocks and got disappointing results. It should be a massive kick up the backside for her and tbh you should be having a discussion with her about screen time - she might burn out if she does too much but that doesn’t sound like a major worry if she’s currently doing bugger all.

She needs support with revising without double-screening with social media. Has she tried the pomodoro technique of 20 minutes focused (no distractions) revision with a 5 minute break?

A 5 in maths in February of Y11 doesn’t sound like someone who is going to do well at A-level maths. Students usually go up a grade but a 6 isn’t good enough. Why did she get a 5? There being stuff on the paper that she hasn’t studied yet is true, but at this point in the year it will be very little and it should have been perfectly possible for her to have come out with at least a 7 if she is actually good at maths. Talk of ‘marking mocks more harshly’ doesn’t apply in maths - we can’t mark correct answers as wrong! Did she not bother showing her working? Not answer half the paper? How did the rest of her class do? I’d be very surprised if the school didn’t use last year’s papers. If the school won’t let her take the paper home email in and ask if they can scan a copy for her, or let her take photos of it so you can see exactly what she did.

I would speak to her school about this to find out what is going on. I would then take her phone off her during times she should be studying. She should understand it is for her own good.

I think all this 'revision resources online' does many young people a disservice.
They would be better off with CGP books, past papers, and self/parent testing.

There is hope! Get as much extra help from school as possible.

My son did terribly in his mocks (and had a history of not working to his full potential). He pulled his socks up and got the grades he needed to continue to ALevels. Including maths. He needed the shock and disappointment to get his head in the game.

I think this is the whole point of mocks isn’t it? To shock them into getting down to work.

I'm still hung up on your son trying to kill you all. Maybe she is too.

Probably not a coincidence she says she wants to be a psychologist.

I wondered this too. If your daughter also went through this, she will also be impacted, surely?

Honestly don't get all this 'don't put pressure on her' 'she'll find her own way' 'leave her to it, it will be fine'

GCSEs are important. The step up to A level is HARD and it will be even harder if she doesn't pull her finger out.

Get her off the Internet, ask teachers for their recommendations for revision guides, go and buy them this week and sit down with her and make a plan.

Revision is a skill which has to be learned. It's not innate, just reading notes and idly watching YouTube isn't it. Even if it's Mr Beast.

Exams aren't far away, the pressure of a deadline can be helpful, but she needs to actually do it, it's crunch time now.

Easy, remove access to social media and shite online ?

She’s getting mixed messages: no one I know (who supported their kids education) did holidays at Easter or spring half term in exam years.

SM / the internet is addictive. I’d be turning the WiFi off except for agreed times. If she finds self regulation hard, help her (but in a supportive way, not ‘the WiFi is off as punishment’)