Disgusting behaviour - can withdraw an application for a secondary school place

[Bananaslushie]

My daughter is due to start secondary school in September 2026. Our first choice is not guaranteed as it's a very oversubscribed school and we may not fit all the criteria
I have put a second choice down which seem like a good school at the time going to the open day. She is my only child so I don't have much experience of this process. Today I was on the bus and happened to be on the same bus as the students coming from the secondary school. What I saw was absolutely horrific. The most disgusting behaviour and language I've ever heard. Calling each other a cunt telling each other to suck hood many sexual comments towards girls. One guy kicked another boy in the back as a joke fight so they ended up punching and kicking each other in between the other passengers upsetting everyone, It was just the worst behaviour I've ever seen from a bunch of humans and now I worry if she's not offered our preferred school then she will definitely be offered this one, my question is if I decline the offer from this school - can I pick one of the other options I have put down such as the third choice? Or would I not see their offer because i was already given an offer? I want to go with the third place and I wish I could switch them around now, it was so bad on the bus. I'm anxious and pissed off with myself thatbshe's going to end up there, ruined her education ect +my friend said all schools are like that -but really?

Go on the buses of your first and third choice. Then you will be able to decide. Then again maybe not as they are all the same.

Thank you I just needed an answer to my question and to everybody else-thank you for your replies. I guess I am very new to this and although I went to a girls secondary school myself ( hated it hence why I chose a mixed school as DD has friends of both sexes) I'm 46 now so a bit hazy on what teenagers are like except for memories of some of the quieter girls being bullied on the bus by other girls
My first choice was the graycoat hospital. I didn't submit the church application part because I was in hospital having a spinal operation and recovering and was just unable to do anything and wasn't able to get much done
I'm not oblivious to kids behaving badly on the bus, but this was something else, I especially didn't like the comments glorifing rape and other things that I heard, and the kids crashing into me but but yikes is this how kids are then according to you all, honestly I despair - I just hope they don't behave like that in school
I guess that I cannot withdraw the second place school because then it would withdraw the whole application. I've looked on the internet and it's a bit confusing, but thanks for your replies. Does clear it up a little bit better

I would still report their behaviour to the school, everything you experienced. I would do it tonight so that school can address is asap. It might quieten down if a member of the public reports them and a lot of buses have CCTV so the behaviour can hopefully be shared with the school.

The outstanding school I sent my children to had an incident at the local supermarket where the CCTV was shared with the school and the school could identify exactly who it was as the school tie is a different colour for each year group making this sort of thing easy. School pulled their parents in and showed them the video, not the children, they were held in silence in another room. They were punished and made to walk to the supermarket and apologise for their behaviour. Really sent a message to the other children.

If you aren't offered a place, you can appeal - if you have obtained the necessary documentation to substantiate the faith element and of your surgery, that may help the panel.

It is also possible the school themselves may reallocate your application to the faith category after national offer day upon receipt of the documents if you forward those with an email requesting it be added to your current application/waiting list (the law says the LA must ensure you are on the WL until next Christmas, but it doesn't hurt to email the school as well with the documents in March).

Second round offers are normally made around Easter, as the NOD parents have to be given the opportunity to respond - and be chased by the LA - and outcomes from other boroughs forwarded on and processed, which takes longer.

But other posters are right, teens can be awful on buses, from the worst performing schools to the highest regarded, most expensive private ones.

High schools and teenagers is a brutal learning curve for parents as much as the child I’m afraid and what you describe does sound (parent of a year 12 and year 8) fairly within range particularly at the end of the day when they kind of let loose a bit more!

Behaviour like that on bus is why I chose to drive my DDs to school.

In short no you cannot now. Depending on your offer in March your options are to check whether the other schools listed were undersubscribed and have places available then request to transfer, ask LA what other schools may have a space, go on waiting lists for others which may be “full”(if you meet religious criteria that may place you further up than without), appeal for no.1 or any of those which are “full”. You could raise your concerns with the head now but that will not affect your application.

Sadly this is the majority of senior schools now, the teachers can only police them on school property.
My children go to a very we sought after food ranking school and the problems they have there are pretty awful.
My children refuse to go to house parties because of the drug use that is common place.

Same comments as most others, but I believe - at least in some local authorities - you are able to remove preferences after submitting, i.e. at this stage you would be able to take #2 off your list, so that if you don't get #1 you will then default to #3 (as long as you qualify). I have no idea how to do this, but you might want to look into it. If you leave it until offer day, and you are offered #2 and turn it down, then you will miss out on any other school that is oversubscribed.

They're so strictly controlled during the school day that it's a big mental release for them. I don't think it's harmless behaviour but I don't think the way they're treated in school is harmless either. The whole approach needs to change imo.

Not just boys

@Bananaslushie assuming the bus journey was in a London Borough, you can report the behaviour to TfL using this form: https://tfl.gov.uk/help-and-contact/contact-us-about-buses

If you give the route number, date and time they will be able to view the video footage and, if the incident was serious enough, they may report it to the school who can identify the children via images from the video. TfL have the right to withdraw free bus travel from children who behave badly on buses so they and/or the school can remind specific students of this.

If everyone who felt like you reported each incident, it would gradually start to resolve the issue.

Did you pass the clergy reference form to your priest for Grey Coat? Did your DD sit the language aptitude test as well as the fair banding assessment?

On the behavioural issue on the bus by students at another school, email the Headteacher of the school with full details so the matter can be addressed. As highlighted above, all London buses have CCTV which can help address these issues.

seems within realms of normal annoying teenage behaviour.

most people see teens on their way in, when they’re slightly more subdued. It’s carnage at home time they’re all letting out after being hemmed in for hours. Trying to be edgy and exciting. Some of these schools don’t allowing talking outside of breaks ffs. Let them be wild. It doesn’t last forever

the fighting and rape comments should be reported to school though

I think that’s awful OP and I can’t believe you’re getting a “Lol” in some replies.

Not all schools are like this even if there’s a small minority of kids making it seem like a wider problem.

I can’t answer your question as my DC have only gone to school in year 12 but I wanted to say that you’re absolutely not alone in finding this behaviour unacceptable and wanting to shield your daughter from it.

Someone mentioned you can decline the school on others day and you will go into the next round for lower down choices. DO NOT do this. If you do as far as the lea is concerned they have offered you a school place, their job is done even if you decline it. You need to accept the school place then go on waiting lists for the other schools. You can do an appeal for the other schools if need be. But don't decline a school place because you will more than likely not have a school place come September, or end up in worse school miles away that has places

I did email the school and got no response unfortunately So I'm just going to leave it there
I'm fuming at myself and not returning the clergy form for GCH as I was unwell , I will give them a call on Monday morning and see if they could accept one but I guess it's too late now

Thank you

They can't refuse to accept late applications, but it is likely to be treated as a late application, and so added to the waiting list after National Offer Day. Still worth doing.

I agree with this and all of the other comments in general. This behaviour is common, though still not right and should be reported to the school.

Just saw this now - the lack of response from the school is more worrying than the behaviour itself - one would hope a school would take things like this seriously.