Dyslexic 12 yo son

[Fernfield3]

Hello 👋 I hope everyone is doing well this morning.

My son was diagnosed three years ago in Y5 with an atypical dyslexia (as in, he reads well but his verbal understanding is struggling). He is now in secondary Y8 and I’m not quite sure what support he is given or even what support can be given to him. His confidence and self-esteem are at rock bottom - but he still goes to school everyday.

Since the start of the year it’s been difficult to understand what he’s actually learning in class; we discovered he did most of his homework including maths on ChatGPT which we have now stopped. When he has revisions for a science test and I’m going through it with him, it’s like he sees those concepts for the first time ever.

His School did a review of his” attitude to learning” and basically told me that he needs to ensure he has pens in class and to be more proactive in drama. I feel like I’m living in a parallel world.

I am meeting with the SENCO in two weeks because I’m really concerned he’s not taking anything in and he’s very reluctant to seek help from teachers. He also does not computer because he doesn’t stand out.

I am also looking for a maths and English tutor just to go over things because I don’t think I can explain maths in modern terms, my explanations are outdated and more confusing to him.

Has anyone cracked the system and is in control of their Dys children’s learning? I would love to hear as I am now a bit lost.

You have all my sympathies, as this was us 10 years ago (DS now 23!). He also had a 'spiky' profile with reading and writing fine, but basically very poor verbal recall and comprehension i.e. didn't understand or remember anything he just heard once!
School is often based around a teacher 'telling' the class stuff, so it was a nightmare.

I think you need to go back to dyslexia report and work out what his strengths in learning style are, then tailor learning to that. For DS it was all about visual learning. He was always big into film and video and had his own YouTube channel at that time too, so we focussed entirely on audio-visual resources.

It wasn't easy, but we tried to help him find videos for his GCSE coursework which followed the same content as he was being taught at school. Also visual learning in the form of quiz cards (online) etc.
Repetition was also important to cement learning. To be honest the school weren't that helpful and just kept talking about coloured paper etc.
However some key interventions were:

• he was allowed to photo whiteboards rather than trying to copy (which took him ages and meant he missed the explanation)
• he could ask for copies of notes (sometimes in advance, so he could read before the classes/ lectures (at uni)
• at GCSE level he dropped a subject, just to give him a bit more time to focus on the key ones

The key thing is to build his self esteem - 'your brain works a bit differently' and focus on strengths.
DS went on to a degree in a creative subject and has just completed a post-grad vocational course too! Good luck!

Like the previous poster you need to head to his report that says exactly which bit of dyslexia he struggles with. My 12 year old had an awful short term working memory - his teachers know that so break down instructions for him into small manageable chunks.

Doesn’t solve the problem but it has made his life a lot easier. Good luck

My son was similar. He never had any problems understanding in class, but by the next lesson he'd completely forgotten it. With the SENCO, I'd ask what awareness his class teachers have. They should be making his life less stressful by just a few teeny unobtrusive things - eg: never firing direct questions at him. He won't be able to recall fast enough so will be embarrassed. Instead, only ask him to answer if he volunteers/ puts his hand up. Similarly, never criticise him if he's slow. eg: making notes from a text book. If your son's like mine, he's fine as he reads the text and understands it well, but to write notes he can't remember well enough so has to read the text all over again. Teachers need to understand that and not pick on him for being slow. Good practice is for class teachers to provide a lesson summary. That rarely happens, but you could push the SENCO to ask teachers to provide a list of topics and key knowledge for the term. My son never could revise from his exercise books - they were virtually unreadable as his handwriting was so poor (he typed for exams in the end - a brilliant thing - if your son needs it, push for it). We used to chunk down topics into a summary sheet of A4. He'd keep that in a folder for exam revision - it's not as much work as you'd think with the internet at hand. Copy/ cut/ paste, print - stick it in the folder for when he needs it. Each time he looks at it he'll remember more of it. For class tests we'd pick a few key definitions/ facts and run the same few questions each night for the days up to the test - literally just for 5/10 minutes. The Ed Psych told us that a typical child needed to go over something 2 or maybe 3 times to learn it, for our son he'd need more like 8 or 9. Once we knew that, spending 5-10 mins a night on a topic, repeating the same info and having a bit of a laugh about how tedious it is was a winner. Also give him visual cues if his brain likes that. eg: with things like history make it into a narrative rather than just a list of facts. Photos of leaders, using maps etc, talking it out loud as a story, etc. That really worked for our DS. It is a lot for you to do, but.. it gets easier. Mine got to University and didn't need any help once he was there but without our help, I think he'd have crashed out long before. Confidence is king - never let him feel stupid!

Do a parental request for echna

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/asking-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment

You need to get into school and be discussing this with guidance.

I’ve got one with adhd and one with dyslexia and we’ve had to be very proactive to make sure they get the support they need.

Does he have a specific learning plan for his special needs/dyslexia - he should have, and this should have been sent to every one of his teachers (sorry, I don't know what it's called these days!). We made sure we discussed it at every parents evening!
Also, has he been give extra time for exams? Ds had 25% extra time, which although he rarely used in full, meant that he had time to use tools he'd developed (mind maps etc) to recall exam topic info etc.

Also, if your son's self esteem is low, make sure you work at building it up. We explained that having extra time was simply a way for him to demonstrate what he DID know - just needed help to access it - a bit like giving a person in a wheelchair a ramp to access the exam room...

Thank you so much for all your information, I am truly grateful.

The school has been very clumsy about it all, his learning plan which they can snapshot, wasn’t distributed to teachers to start with, it was then done part-way in Y7 but some teachers just didn’t see.
He was even refused extra time at one class test after requesting it. The teacher since apologised.

As he just goes very happily under the radar, I think he’s just getting forgotten about. I have requested from the senco where he is at in his learning and build from there.

You are all correct - our job as parents is to work on the self-esteem part and make sure the school do what they can.

xxx

https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/advice/children/how-can-i-support-my-child/finding-a-tutor

If you're looking for a tutor try going through the British Dyslexia Association as they are all trained to a high standard.

Hello, my son is exactly the same age and stage as yours with very similar problems. Y7 was really difficult for him but we have spent the last year dealing with this and I feel it is working better. Things that we have that might help you:
Does the school use google classroom or equivalent? Ask teachers to put all slides/notes and homework tasks on Google classroom. Ask if your son can take pictures of what is on the board.
My son can't write or spell so uses a computer in all lessons. Do you think that would help your son? He is learning to touch type with an online program called touch type read spell.
Think about a dyslexia specific tutor. We pay for dyslexia tutoring once a week out of school. It isn't curriculum based stuff but instead focuses on how to use dyslexic strengths to overcome problems. Study skills, spelling, multisensory methods of learning.
You, unfortunately, need to become "that" parent. The school is unlikely to guide you so you need to know what you would like them to do. Dyslexia tutor has helped me to know what to ask for. Your son also needs to learn to advocate for himself in school, which is hard. We talk through scenarios at home eg. What would you say if you can't read what is on the board? If the teacher won't let you use the computer? If a pupil turns off your computer in a lesson (I was shocked by this but it seems a lot of them are jealous he gets a computer).
Feel free to DM me if you would like to chat more.