Y13 DS with ADHD wants to drop out of A’levels

[Northernfashionista]

This is a long one I’m afraid, and I’ve name changed to protect DS’s identity. I’m really hoping for some advice on how to manage this situation. I’ve posted this in Secondary Education rather than SEN as this thread is much busier.

My Y13 son, who was diagnosed with dyslexia in Y7, and ADHD in September this year, has said that now he is 18 he doesn’t want to continue with school. He is months away from completing his A’levels.

We had issues with his behaviour over the summer (and have had issues previously), and he was arrested for a very minor offence and then released. It was then that we decided to pay for a private ADHD diagnosis. He started medication and he said that he felt better and his focus was improving etc.

He has had unrealistic ideas about future careers/work for some time, and tends to chop and change his mind. He now says that he will never want to do any work that requires any qualifications at all, so there is no point continuing in education. He has jumped between being an online day trader, to something to do with helping to monetise minor influencers (amongst other things)in the past week alone. When I ask how he will support himself in future, he just says that he intends to leave this country and live somewhere really cheap in Asia. I think that he may be influenced by online influencers himself?

He thinks his friends are stupid to want to go to University (I went to Uni and his older brother is currently there) and wasting their lives and will end up in £50,000 of debt. I’ve said to him that of course he doesn’t have to go, but it would be good to at least finish school and take his exams next May/June, and then focus on his business ideas.

My husband is backing him and saying if he doesn’t want to go back, as long as he’s happy, then his mental health is the most important thing. DS has appeared to be quite down of late.

He only stopped attending school on Monday, and at the moment, I’m telling school he is sick. He has said that he wouldn’t mind going in for his exams in May/June, but he doesn’t want to go back into school for lessons etc. He said that his teachers are rubbish…He’s said that there have been no falling out with friends, he just doesn’t want to be there. I’m thinking of different options, for how I can manage this. DS has been at the same state school since year 7. I’m thinking of contacting them and seeing if they would agree to any of the following:

1. DS attends schools just for core lessons and doesn’t need to do tutor time/RE/personal development/managed study etc This would significantly reduce his time in school.

2.DS is provided with the school work that he can complete at home and so doesn’t need to go in until exams.

3.DS completes work himself at home himself and I supplement with tutors. He then takes his exams in school.

Given that he has SEN, do you think that the school would agree to any of these to get him over the line so to speak?

I do think that he has been influenced heavily by social media in terms of his ideas and choices. He also appears quite immature and shortsighted. Is this a thing with ADHD?

ADHD are a third behind their peers in terms of emotional development.

Im an ex teacher. Im doubtful the school will let him carry on at home. He could do an access course if he wants to return.

My adhd dropped out of A levels. She did an access course 18 months later.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindowthis sounds about right in terms of emotional development. Disappointing that it seems they won’t let him do his school work at home. Perhaps just going in for core lessons would be an option? Or, like you say, an access course later on. Is the access course a college course? Thank you 🙏

Yeah. They’re in FE colleges.

Theyre funded by a loan which is written off if you do a degree l think. Sometimes the college will help.

My dd had an EHcP which paid for hers. But they are meant to be for over 19, however she was just 18 when she did hers.

Ypur son is entitled to 3 free years of education under 19.

Realistically he won’t have completed the syllabus yet or be exam ready if he drops out and self studies, so you do need a firm alternative learning plan that he will stick to. He doesn’t need to think beyond exams yet whatever his ideas, as that will be more distraction, just focus on achieving best results he can. What subjects is he studying?

Number 1 was the option we got school to agree to when my DD sat GCSE’s. She had a tutor at home and worked well independently too. She covered way more revision independently at home than she could have done in the classroom. DD has ADHD too, and I requested a reduced timetable as a “reasonable adjustment” under the Equality Act 2010. It got her over the line and she passed them all. The school environment was simply too overstimulating and stressful for her to manage.

I missed option 1.

Yea, DD’s school put this in place. However they might not do it until the summer.

Thanks for all the advice. Option 1 would be the best option, it’s just whether he will agree to it! 😬 Now he’s 18 he thinks he can make his own decisions. A few months ago he was talking about just leaving home at 18 and getting the ferry to France and just walking and exploring Europe by foot. He just seems so unrealistic to me. It’s such a worry.😕

I'm a sixth form teacher. 1 or 2 of my students each year feel this way (that's <5% though). I don't think the school will (or can, really) offer you these options. They receive government funding for your son to do 3 x level 3 courses - they have to attempt to deliver them, and it's not an online school.

PHSE in tutor time is a required part of education in a school sixth form, unless the school delivers things like relationship/sex ed/financial ed as off timetable days. Supervised study may be more flexible - but most students feeling this way need more support and supervision, not less.

However, they're pretty unlikely to want to off roll him at this stage so it's worth a meeting with the head of sixth form to see what flexibility there might be.

Also, have a look at UpLearn if it covers his subjects. It appeals to some of my students (you still have to work though!)

You might explain to your son that although he is a legal adult the school is still in loco parentis during school hours while he's on roll.

I do think that school are far more likely to work with you if you're honest from the start rather than calling him in sick indefinitely. Can you request a meeting with the senco?

My Y13 is autistic and doesn't attend her supervised study sessions as a reasonable adjustment. Missing form time was a no though from her school.

Yes I agree with PPs.

The only feasible option is probably option 1 (best in terms of A level outcomes I mean). I imagine the school may be happy with that. Otherwise you will be offrolling him.

It would be a really tough slog for him to complete the work on his own at home tbh. He would have to be very motivated (which he doesn't sound really).

I cannot see the school sending work home (option 2) for the next six months. As a former classroom teacher I would not be keen. If he does study at home, he would be deregistering surely so I am not sure if the school would be able to facilitate him sitting the exams there? But that's a qu for the school and its exams officer I guess.

YY what subjects? As that will make a difference. Has he completed any necessary NEAs? Has he applied to uni at all?

Speaking of the parent of an ND who dtoppped out of A level and also as an ex 6th form teacher of 30 years l disagree.

They don’t choose to feel this way. Their ND is driving it due to overwhelm. Theres a difference between feeling a bit ‘blah’ about 6th form than feeling overwhelmed ( which they may not recognise)

Schools are not set up to deal with ND students properly, and they can struggle more and more the further up the school they go. My experience was when we tried to encourage our dd in as advised by all professionals she self harmed.

There comes a point when support makes it worse and doesn’t work and they have to pull out to be supported from home.

My dd barricaded herself in her room when school support came round. They don’t want support or can cope with support, it makes it worse. They need to be alone to recharge.

And my dd was taken out of PSHE and form initially. They can be removed from PHDE as a reasonable adjustment.

I didn't say they were wrong to feel this way or could help it? I was just noting that there are students who do, every year, and sharing information that I thought might be useful about how sixth forms usually work.

I recognise your user name: don't you recognise mine as another SEND parent?

I am really sorry to hear of your DC's experiences though and hope they're doing better now.

Sorry! When you have SEND kids you get a bit touchy!

Yes l recognise your name x Sertraline was a game changer for her. Shes at uni now.

Hope yours are ok

It's very stressful, I understand. I'm glad things are better. My DD's OK thanks. We had a good parents' eve last night (although I only booked to see teachers who 'get' her!)

I don't think OP needs to panic just yet. Students often have a wobble at this stage of A level. Hopefully the school will have ideas.

The school are not going to let him effectively drop out of school to 'study' at home. It seems unlikely that he would be organised to do this in any effective way, and A-levels are really hard to self-study at the best of times, teachers won't be organising it for him because he should be in lessons, and the school won't want the results of someone who dropped out of school appearing in their league tables as they are extremely likely to be low/fail.

I would definitely talk to the school about him not attending non-essential classes, we have this in place for a few students, although they have EHCPs.

If he refuses to attend school, then I think you need to suggest he gets a job (not 'influencer', but something that pays a regular salary) because if he's not in education he needs to be earning.

Could he take the rest of this year off and return in y13 in Sept next year? They are funded for 3 years. DD’s school would have allowed this as it was an option.

If he’s down can you take him to GP. I think ADHD is often misunderstood. High levels of anxiety and depression can accompany it.

As l said Sertraline has really helped my dd on top of ADHD meds. But it’s taken about 3 months to get her stabilised on it.

Also, ADJD often come to things later. He could go to uni do an access course after he realises there’s no future in influencing!

Thank you everyone for all your comments and suggestions. This thread has been really useful. I’ve been in touch with the schools SEN department today and discussed the situation. I have also talked through different options with them. They have liaised with the schools sixth form team who will get in touch with me in the morning. I will update the thread with the outcome of this discussion. Fingers crossed something can be sorted. 🤞🤞🤞🙏

Can you bribe him? Say that if he completes the year at school and does his exams you will gift him a sum of money / pay for a holiday.

Alternatively if he doesn't he has to get a job and start paying for his keep.

Wish I had discovered this thread earlier. My year 13/ 18 year old with ADHD has barely been to school in year 13 and we are now trying to decide whether he should sit his A-levels or drop/defer one of more to next year. I concur with so much of this. For months I've been getting so angry, trying to force him to school, making bribes, threats, even crying in front of him in desperation. Literally nothing works. He won't go or he will go but only when he feels like it. I have spent a fortune tutoring him at home but just not sure it's going to be anywhere near enough to scrape through. Northern, I could almost have written your post myself as DS says exactly the same thing about school and education. He see no value in it and just wants to run his own business. How is your son getting on now?

We had this fight with my AdHD son in year 13. By January he’d already missed so many lessons (partly due to a lot of teacher absence - and him not catching up - and partly him not going in) that he said there was no point going in as he was behind so nothing made sense. He’d already not been going in for form time or PSHE all through year 12 😩

School didn’t exactly agree to him staying at home but he did it anyway… and they didn’t off-roll him. He suddenly got motivated in April and taught himself the whole syllabus using revision guides. He works much better on his own with no distractions… He got BBC in the end, had a gap year and decided he wanted to go to uni! (Was never going to uni until then). Now at Nottingham getting firsts 😂