Dd feeling mediocre at school

[Saskia11]

My DD has been crying last night as she didn’t get picked for her school play. She is more embarrassed I think as she told her friends she thought she got a part.

her friends all seem to excel in something- top sets or brilliant at sports. She hasn’t made the a team or choir or the production now. She dislikes playing an instrument. It doesn’t help her younger brother is in the a team for every sport at school and top sets.

I feel she needs to excel at something, but not sure what as most kids have been doing their ‘skill’ for a while now.

i have put her in an outside drama class, but they don’t do a production. And she has singing lessons and attends a football club- but she just trains with them, not yet good enough to play.

or how do your kids cope with being average- doing ok, but not near the top for anything academic or extra- curricular?

I always tell her everyday how much I loved her and proud of her and how amazing she is. She does singing and drama and football because she enjoys them and she keeps going to the outside clubs for the enjoyment.

the school she is in is very competitive, but I think she also hasn’t stuck to one thing before now, so those who have and have put more effort are better - as well as some being more talented.

i will keep her at these and see if there is a local drama club over holidays to do a production.

The best way to grow her confidence in herself would be for her to choose something she wants to focus on getting better at and then for you and her to celebrate the little milestones of improvement and recognise the effort that led to that improvement.
It doesn't matter what that thing is or whether it's something that is school/club based or just something she practises on her own - she just needs to want to be good at it for her own sense of achievement.

I think people are being fairly harsh here! Of course it's necessary for confidence to have a yes sometimes. And schools are rubbish at not picking the very best kids every time for everyrhing (and no, I don't agree with those who say this is only fair. It's not the West End, no one actually even really cares if the play is any good.) It's really, really hard to be average, especially when you have a sibling who succeeds.

And as someone who did make up for school plays, it is NOTHING compared to having an actual part if you wanted one! It might be fun but not confidence boosting.

What worked for me is finding something that nobody else I knew was doing so that I just had my own thing. For me, it was fencing, where you didn't have to be too sporty, and no one else did it so it just kind of sounded cool as well? So I'd go in that direction. Keep doing the stuff she loves on the side, but find something a bit quirky that's just for her. Martial Arts (get lots of belts!?!). A sewing class? (fairly easy to make something impressive fairly quickly). Park run or athletics club? (running notoriously one of those sports that you often just need to plod along with to be really good at it eventually.)

Good luck -- you sound like a lovely mum!