Between a rock and a hard place.

[Alex111]

I need to know what to do please help. My daughter started secondary school this year she has a couple friends and they always stick together. So what happened is her friend has a kind of phobia from being very very sick a year ago. So after the recent incident in school I eventually gathered that she got very anxious of the science lesson because of the machinery and chemicals etc and so what happened is she told my daughter and her sister and they all bunked off in the toilets. So bless them they were sticking together tending to the friend who has a real issue. So getting to the point here of my post is the teachers found them and organised a detention session but they also organised for this detention tutor to do their thing. They did ask them all why they bunked off and the kids did explain but they did not take any of it seriously. So when they got to this detention/reset room what this guy did was literally scream at them in some horrific manor about this and that such as putting their bags into the lockers looking at each other grinning nothing bad really. But the descriptions from the kids is utterly horrifying comparing it to the scariest movie with some crazy guy in. The one girl mentioned that she did not feel safe and to add had feelings he may have hit her. she could not write anything in the lesson because she was shaking from head to toe and wanted to run away and cry. She went home and told her mother she never wanted to go back and in fact wanted to leave the country as she had feelings this teacher would come and get her. I have heard through the grape vine but have no proof although it sounds about right that this teacher is ex military. I am scared and I don't know how to go about this as I don't what this teacher doing what he is doing to our kids or anyone els's but I would worry if I confronted the school they would turn it against us as this has happened to a close friend who's child escaped school and ran home but now her kid has been taken off her after the incident as they conducted for social services to intervene and I find that unbelievable she is a good mother and its shocking.

So, they bunked off the Science lesson, presumably contacting the sister, who I assume was supposed to be in a different lesson. They were found and issued with a detention for not attending the lesson and were shouted at because presumably, the teacher didn’t think they were taking it seriously, as they were grinning at each other.

You mention other children, but you don’t mention that your daughter was scared, so it could be construed that it isn’t your concern, since it was the other girl who is upset.

What would confront the school about if your child wasn’t the one scared and wanting to leave the school? Much of this is hearsay too. You can only advocate for your own child and what happened with another family is not relevant to this. You’ve made assumptions about this teacher, which may or may not be accurate, but if you are concerned for your daughter, you can approach her form tutor in the first instance.

Does your dd corroborate the story? Might it have been an overreaction to the punishment and presumably a telling off for bunking off? What was the previous incident presumably at primary school? Maybe your dd needs different friends if they lead her astray.

Okay, so your daughter who just entered high School
has a couple of best friends,
they skipped a class,
got in trouble,
went to detention,
the male teacher who was in charge of detention started yelling at them
and now he yells at them whenever he sees them
to the point that they feel picked on / traumatized / unsafe in school
to the point that one of the girls is claiming that she's so upset she's going to run away from home (you heard second or third hand)
And you're worried about the situation

Is that correct?

if your dd is NOT the one upset and with the past trauma history i would mind my own business.
speak to your dd about the importance of attending classes and being respectful to the staff (from too nice teacher and the shouty ex military).
ask her how she feels about the staff and the situation and what she has learned from this experience.

Hi, the incident that caused her friend to be phobic of certain things was caused by a server sickness bug that emerged in the school and she ended up not eating, drinking she needed to be taken to A n E for a drip etc. Ended up with certain issues with cleanliness, machines etc. No one was lead astray they were sticking together looking out for each other bless them.

You are excusing it as “sticking together”. They truanted regardless of the reason and the detention warranted. If the friend has issues with science lessons her parents should approach the school , but it seems a rather spurious association.

StruggleFlourish , Not sure how this platform works in regards to replying sorry. But yes that's pretty much it. And not exactly because I am friends with their parents and we talked about this in depth. Basically as I mentioned in the post they were planning on eventually moving abroad so this is why her friend quickly begged her parents to just leave the country not run away from home that is not what I wrote at all. I also did not say this detention teacher shouts at them when ever he sees them. So your basically putting words in my mouth when I wrote it how it is. Nothing second or third hand as I am very good friends with their parents.

Im sorry Lizs but I am not excusing that I am actually glad they stuck together to stay strong. You are correct that her parents should have approached the school head to explain this serious issue and this would not have happened and my daughter would not have this on her record. Its all automated/tech these days and so its very one track, less human interference and I hate it I'm a paper and pen person myself. I find this pretty disgraceful that none of you who replied seem to have any care about this teacher using military tutoring/beasting methods in our school but hey never mind eh.

"sticking together bless them" is not the right reaction to your daughter truanting. Stop listening to hear say, roast your daughter for truanting and issue consequences. And steer her clear of those friends. You seem to be very much blaming the school. They didn't make your daughter skip class. I presume the girl with the phobia has a pastoral head she could have gone to. You are making excuses

Buscobel, I'm sorry but do none of you see what I'm getting at here? I don't believe military tactics are allowed to be used on any children in school but your all ignoring that fact and just explaining what the kids situation. I thought I would get some real input from here but I guess not. And again I am very good friends with her friend's parents we are all close and I have had the breakdown from everyone. her 2 friends are sisters. But never mind Ill find some better places for real advice because its not on this platform that's for sure. None of you seem to care about any of the children in this school that's very clear and more so defending a bent teacher. Oh well onwards and upwards.. goes the middle finger. Ill see if theres a dadsnet lol.

Teachers shouldn't be routinely shouting.
Pupils shouldn't be bunking, "I was just..."-ing or smirking at each other when challenged.
Children are not taken into care simply for absconding from school.

Are you 12? Your OP reads like it's written by a Y8 student. 'The scariest movie with some crazy guy in it'.

Cool story,

I'll just finish this off by adding that it is NOT okay to shout in the way that you have lost your temper and NOT okay in this extreme its a form of abuse. Seems like your all okay with that. Never mind Ill find the right people to go through this with.

Hey OP your posts are not super clear which may be why some posters have not understood and why no one has commented on the “military methods” – what are these exactly? There is nothing as such wrong with an ex-services person becoming a teacher. I have known some such who were very successful.

FWIW if a child experienced something, told their parents and they told you, then yes that is third-hand info.

Can you explain a bit more clearly what your concern is? Is it about your DD being drawn into this issue with the detention? If so I suggest you talk to her about behaving correctly – and yes, stop minimising it as “sticking together bless them”. If your DD continues to misbehave by truanting, she is going to continue to get detentions.

You accuse pps of not caring about the DC in this school – well, we don’t know them so that’s an odd thing to say. If YP are being mistreated then of course I would be concerned. I agree that for a teacher to be routinely shouting is not a good sign. But we have this information very fourth hand from you. And a bent teacher? Again, that’s not someone I would defend but nothing you have posted suggests that.

All just AI what an utter load. Go back to sleep.

Was that addressed to me or are you talking about your own posts?

My posts are not AI I can promise.

If that was genuinely what was going on they could have accompanied friend to Matron not bunked off in toilets and grinned about it afterwards in detention. As for being shouted at, in my experience that’s generally teenage for “ got told I was in the wrong” however it’s delivered

If you are scared for your child’s safety in this school, have you looked at moving to a different school? It is clear that you do not trust them to handle this.

If not, what outcome are you wanting? There is no dispute that your daughter truanted, and the detention has been served, so that ship has sailed. What would you like to happen?

If one of my DC skived a lesson, hid in the toilets and then acted like a Dick in detention my reaction would not be "bless her"
Maybe try doing some parenting?