Will my DS ever like school

[ArtYogaMum]

Hello, I’ve never posted before so please be gentle with me :)
My DS is 10 and really doesn’t like school. He’s currently at a small village school in Yorkshire and has also been to an enormous primary in southeast London. He’s happier here (his last school gave him anxiety and his teacher couldn’t remember his name), but still comes home every day saying school was boring, he doesn’t see the point in going etc. I know this isn’t massively abnormal but it makes me sad. He seems sad, most days. When he describes his lessons I have to agree with him that they sound so much less interesting than his games and things at home (I don’t say this). I’m now starting to look at secondary school options for him around York. I’m worried that he’s going to HATE secondary and the discipline and homework and size and pressure. I’d really love to find a school that’s less focussed on exam results and more focussed on nurturing children’s interests. Does such a thing exist??!! (In my dreams!!) Does anyone have any experience of York secondaries or just how to help support children feeling sad about going school. Please and thank you

All schools focus on results as they are under pressure from LEA and government.

First poster, just to mention (politely) you don’t need to quote the op.

Op, this is sad. Does he have friends at primary? Sometimes if there’s difficulties in that area it can be hard to enjoy school? I have no experience of the area but what do school say about his experience day to day? Do his teachers say he seem happy during the day?
I agree with the first post, schools are focused on results and the type of school you’re looking for may be hard to find.

Yeah😂brain fart there. Don’t know why l did that!

Thank you. Yes he does have friends and enjoys playtime thankfully. His teacher says he’s hard to engage with and he’s often very quiet.
Maybe I’m just worrying about nothing/there’s nothing that can be done. Is it normal for boys just ro find school constantly boring?!

Where about in York are you? What are your local schools?

Very good question. I forgot to mention that I’m looking to move house over the next few months and want to land in a catchment area for a good school. So all York schools are currently on the table

The thing is, OP, results don't seem so important now, but presumably when it comes to Year 11, you will also want your ds to achieve his potential and get good results, and so will he? I presume you are not saying you don't want him to do GCSEs etc.

If what you are looking for is a lovely, nurturing school with a focus on fun, interesting lessons, with a smaller student cohort, then sorry, but there are pretty much no parents who wouldn't want that. But small schools are often financially precarious, and in reality it is rare to be able to manage large cohorts of teenagers using the nurturing, softly softly approach. We pretty much all try to make our lessons fun and interesting, but maths and French are rarely going to hold an academically unmotivated child's attention compared with gaming, football and social media.

It is (and always has been) pretty normal for lots of children not to enjoy their lessons at school, I'm afraid.

We are nowhere near York but thought I’d share the story of my oldest who was bored and didn’t have close friends really, at the end of primary. His was a small school with only a few boys in his class and they had different interests.
However he loved the independence of secondary and joined lots of clubs reflecting his interests, which helped him meet others with the same interests and he became one of the most popular boys in his year.
He was also wowed by some of the lessons - Bunsen burners and explosions in chemistry and food tech was a hit too.
Just thought this might help reduce your worries somewhat x

Maybe not to be completely honest. I enjoyed secondary school more than primary and didn’t really enjoy school until I was at 6th form.
I did have friends, wasn’t bullied and I always did well academically but I think I just found primary boring at times and I was quite a shy too, I enjoyed doing different subjects at secondary especially at A level when it was just subjects I’d chosen.
What does your DS enjoy? You could try and pick a school more focused on sport,
music or science etc depending on his interests, and pick a smaller school if possible.

Ds tells me there have been days where school hasn't been too bad. He'd particularly like to highlight the a couple of terms in year 8 and 9 that he really quite enjoyed...

He's left school now and the terms he regards as being the best, were the ones off in lockdown.

But I think I'd say he tolerated school right the way up, rather than enjoyed it. Tbf I suspect the only school he'd have enjoyed was one that let him do whatever he wanted, which might have meant occasionally doing a bit of computing or maths, and he'd have enjoyed it, but not come out with much learning.
He has a nice group of friends, who have kept up since school, and is getting along fine, but school just wasn't for him.

What helped for him was focussing on what he needed to get to the next stage, and applying just enough work to manage that. Frustrating as a parent, but kept him going - along with occasional bribery.

That’s everyone. These are all really helpful. I’d definitely prefer my DS to be happy at school even if he didn’t get top marks. But it’s helpful to hear that things may naturally improve when he gets secondary. If anyone else does know about York schools that would also be good to hear.

If you can afford private, Bootham might be what you're looking for. Small numbers, small classes, Quaker nurturing values etc.

Fulford was always the comprehensive parents fought to get their kids into. I don't have any personal experience of it though, only anecdotal.

Well its possible that he may not, but both mine massively preferred secondary school to key stage 2 in primary.