Soft children in academic schools

[Dagda]

My very soft, kind, sweet, non confident academic child is after landing a place in a very high performing secondary school.

It’s a bit of an academic hot house. Feel conflicted now. I’m not sure if it will suit her. She is extremely good at school but also so soft that I worried she will be crushed by somewhere full of confident, academic kids.

Any advise?

It’s hard to say as, without stating the obvious, you know your DD better than anyone.

Can you articulate exactly what is it that you are worried about? Is it the lack of pastoral care? That it’s a big school and she’ll get lost? That there will be too much pressure? That’s she’d be going without a friendship group?

Many academic schools are also very nurturing and the children respond well to rules around behaviour etc. If the classrooms are calm and there are rules and routines in place many softer pupils will thrive as it’s clear what’s expected of them. Bear in mind as well that DC grow up (and toughen up) a lot during Y7.

What alternatives do you have if you feel this isn’t the right school.

The alternative is a school where they emphasise kindness and pastoral care in general and have a more mixed cohert of students. Yes this is what I am wondering: she likes the class to be quiet and this school has zero behavioural issues. But I wonder if the accompliced, confident kids will just be too much for her.

The other school’s main value is inclusion. But they will have more behavioural issues.

Kindness and laser sharp focused pastoral care usually gets the best results by the end of ks4

Well that’s what I am wondering. So she is exceptionally good at school but also is not someone who easily fits in. Yet, she seems to struggle with noise in the classroom 🤯

Very difficult position.

Like my main concern is that she is happy. So I don’t mind if she goes to the hot house or the kind school. But I just can’t decide where she will actually fit in.

I don’t think it’s something that you will decide on… you can try your upmost best to find the best school but the day to day will be up to her…
what are your main concerns?
is she happy where she is? Any feedback from school?

You’ve made a very big judgement on what the kids at that school will be like.

Really difficult decision, I sympathise. I went to a very small and very academic grammar school decades ago. It left me feeling academically inadequate but at university (original Russel group uni) I worked hard and got a first and then completed a masters with the Open University, all partly to prove I wasn't stupid. So perhaps that's a good thing? DC could have been entered for 11+ but we chose not to. Instead they went to a huge (12 form entry) very socially mixed inner city comprehensive school. They've thrived; DC1 on industry placement year from university and loving both that and her course, DC2 predicted AAB for A levels this year. If you go for the non selective option ask if pupils are grouped by ability for core curriculum. DC's school did and they were both set 1 or 2 throughout. So behaviours in core lessons usually good. They did see poor behaviour in some other lessons but seem to have survived and I'd say both are quite "soft" personalities.

My DS was bullied at primary as he was highly academic. He got into a very academic secondary (and is considered to be an hothouse by many) and he’s never been happier. Being good at studies is in fact cool and everyone is kind. He’s able to talk to peers who are on similar wavelengths as him.

have you visited the schools seen the school in action? Which one do you think would suit her better?

Empathy correlates to some degree with intelectual abilities. She is more likely to find softer personalities there than on the other side of spectrum