Did you get your child decide their secondary?

[Sprookjesbos]

We're about I do the application for DD.

She attends the feeder school for probably the best secondary in the city though unfortunately we are out of catchment. Not by far, but enough to matter as last year it only took catchment plus feeder and we are in the next category, out of catchment feeder.

We have a secondary school five minutes walk in the other direction so by rights she should go there. It just isn't as good though! Like al parents, we want to try and get her into the better school which is a 20 mins cycle or 5/10 mins bus ride away and the bus goes past our house.

Other friends from the primary will be going to the good school.

Thing is she wants to go to the local one. She strongly feels she liked it better and loves how close it is. She doesn't mind she won't know a single person going.

I don't think she has any idea how hard it will be.

At the moment I've got the better school in 1st pref as I think we should have a punt at getting in. Or do I just let it go?

What makes the school further away the “better” school? Is it the results they get or more than that? Is there anything wrong with the closer school?

It just has a much better local reputation. It has 83% of pupils getting gcse 5 and above versus 65%. There is a slight difference in demographics though, the better school basically has an entirely privileged catchment, other one more mixed.

It has always been a good school, whereas the local school historically required improvement. It was inspected earlier this year and is now good. I do know parents who have older children there and are happy with it.

Also, the local school is part of an academy trust which doesn't have a great reputation.

All said though, I do agree with her that the open evening for the local school was nice in that the staff were lovely and two really sweet and helpful year 7s showed us round. We spent the other one walking around with a map getting lost!

We have told him we’ll listen to him but ultimately we’ll decide. He wants to go to one that’s further but results are very similar. At the moment I’m thinking we’ll accept that. I’d be worried about those differences in results, but there can be reasons, especially around intake that can mitigate them.

My ds went to taster days at three state and two independent. I went to the parents sessions and then we compared notes. Luckily we both liked one school the best.

From your description, I'd go for the local school. They have more to prove, your dd liked it, and other parents are happy with it.

I would be tempted to let your daughter choose in this scenario. The closer school has clearly improved and the open day experience sounds like they value people more than the one that left you wandering with a map! If your child works hard they are likely to achieve well at either school. The travel to the “better” school could be tiring and for your child to be willing and actively wanting to choose the school where she doesn’t know anyone means she must have found something about it that is attracting her.

What are her feelings on the "feeder" school? Most admissions distances are increasing

Both those school statistics sound good by the way, considering the national average is 45%.

Lots of children go to secondary school where they don't know anyone, I wouldn't worry too much about that.
We listened to our DS - mostly because we wanted him to try for grammar school and there's no way I would have forced him to do six months of prep work for a school he didn't want. It really wouldn't have worked! Fortunately he was keen.
Have a look at the progress scores for the two schools - you might find the second school's is higher because it has a less academic intake.
More generally, I think it would depend on their reasons. Closer, friendly staff and a good feeling on the open day are all good reasons. At ten, I would have probably been influenced by things like "nice uniform" and "they gave us cake on the open day" which are not.

This would be a total no brainer for me. Let her choose the school that cared about whether she felt comfortable on an open day. The school that left you to get lost has shown you how they will deal
with any difficulty. Secondary is complex for friendships anyway, and most make a lot of new friends so I honestly wouldn’t worry about her not knowing anyone. She might find she does anyway from sports etc.

I let my children choose, but I was happy with their choices. If they had wanted to go to the nearest school which has a terrible reputation I would have had to put my foot down.
One child actually said they wanted to change to a different school after the offer day because his best friend didn't get it, but I lied and said it wasn't possible as that school had awful gcse results and had other issues too.
I would let your daughter decide but to properly think about it as she may change her mind if she decides she wants to be with friends.

I had a similar experience but with primary applications - ofsted outstanding massively over subscribed all shiny and bright and latest tech - clear where the money goes in the LA….handed map and told to look round ourselves. versus slightly smaller school lower ofsted at Good but show around by a year 5 child and had really friendly community feel. We went with the second one

I would keep the order you have already. It sounds like you're unlikely to get your first choice on offer day. If you are then offered it in subsequent rounds you can have a proper discussion. Your DD might change her mind when all her friends get into the feeder school. I really don't think open days are that great in terms of representation. I don't think you can tell if your child will be happy from a couple of hours where the best behaved kids are chosen to show parents round. In my experience the undersubscribed schools perform better at open days as they are desperately trying to tempt applicants. Your daughter has most likely clocked that she's unlikely to get into the feeder school and therefore is trying to protect herself by choosing the other school.

I disagree that she’s trying to protect herself. She felt more comfortable in the second school and that’s important. I also disagree that the best behaved pupils are chosen to show people round. Those that volunteer are chosen. Yes, they’re given pointers about how to behave, what things to point out etc, but the enthusiasm comes from them.

She may not find it hard even if she doesn’t know others going to that school. It’s amazing how quickly they find people to talk to.

A short journey and the opportunity for extra curricular activities are important and if the school is recently rated ‘good’ things are improving and she’ll have a good chance of getting good grades.

It would depend on the child’s maturity and intelligence, and what the options are. Ultimately they are the ones who will be attending the school for five years, so their opinion is important.

I would want more reasoning from her than just preferring the open evening though, as these can be manipulated.

Ultimately it sounds like they are both good schools, so she doesn’t want to choose a hellhole.

What are the Progress 8 scores like at the school she likes, as those are more relevant than overall statistics?

No choice where we are (small town). Only one school - the nearest alternatives are miles away.

I’m quite surprised she doesn’t want to follow her friends as this usually has a big draw. That in itself speaks volumes. I’d want to explore that a bit more.

the further school doesn't sound like it's a terribly long way off, and friendships can be important. but then the closeness of the other one sounds appealing too.

generally, I'd say that even the most mature & worldly wise 10 year old will rarely have a clear enough view of what years 7-13 will look like for their views on school choice to be weighted all that heavily in the mix.

Friendships can shift radically in secondary. A larger school brings more opportunities to find kindred spirits.

When I was a preteen , I wanted to pick one specific high school because it had doughnuts in the canteen haha!

Personally I’d pick the school that is best for her academically and socially. It’ll shape who she becomes. Certainly take her wants into account but make the decision that is best for her.

You’re the adults, you decide.

I let all three of mine decide. And I am so glad I did. All three were motivated to do well at “their” school. Giving children appropriate autonomy is very powerful.

The best school for a child isn’t based on results but what suits them. So listen to your child and work out what it is about the school suits them.
Dd went to a grammar suited her right up until Year 11 when it no longer did and she is now at the right place for her at Sixth Form

DS is at the equivalent of perhaps the school you describe your DD likes and it is absolutely the right one for him we took time to decide on this as on paper it potentially was the 3rd choice but for him it was first

so get rid of everything you have said, all the pre conceived notions of what is the best school and actually look at what is the best school for your Dd including taking into account her views and who she is as a major factor

OP I talked my son into going to grammar school when he had very good 11 plus results, rather than to the school that his friends were going to. It's probably the biggest regret of my life. Please listen to her.

I’d listen to your daughter, she’s the one that will be attending after all. Have a chat with her, find out why she prefers one over the other but to me the fact that she’d rather go to one even though none of her friends are going speaks volumes. A good school is more than good grades. If your daughters sensible and your confident she’ll put the work in let her go where she feels comfortable.