How did you choose a secondary school?

[MyCatPrefersPeaches]

I’m curious as to how others have decided on secondary schools for their children as we are at the point of making the decision as to what our first choice is and I’m very torn. How much weight did you put on how you felt about the school on visiting/attending an open day vs what others say locally about the school? How much weight did you put on your DC’s views?

I am torn as we need a school with good SEN support but there are other factors in play as well and we’re concerned about bullying as that’s been an issue at primary school. And what we experienced on the open days doesn’t always match what people say locally about the schools (including other SEN parents on local Facebook groups). I’d be interested to hear about how others have gone about this?

We now have an EHCP agreed so, assuming the school says it can meet need, we should be able to name the school of our choice. I think any one of the three schools we’re looking at would be able to meet need. This feels like it adds an extra pressure and it feels as though I’m going round in circles so would be great to hear how other people went about this! We’re also factoring in things like the journey to school, size of school and so on.

Live in a built up area with choice of lots of schools we're guaranteed to get into and have 2 very different children. Personally I haven't taken other parents views of schools into account in the slightest. Having worked as a teacher and now working in informal education and widening access I feel I have a good understanding of the landscape and what's important to me. Different things suit different families.

I go by the feel of the school and what sort of behaviour approach would suit that child the support available for their particular needs, how well they deliver the subjects they're particularly interested in, what restrictions exist at gcse. I talk to lots of teachers at open days asking them the same questions, asking "silly" questions like where do kids eat packed lunches when it's snowing. I like schools that broaden kids horizons- when you see kids do something surprising, that makes you think they won't necessarily end up doing a job that 5 year olds can name/what their dad did. I take into account my kids opinions as want them to be happy with their choice but I would really dive into why, in case they had gotten the wrong end of the stick or missed something. I do consider wanting to be with friends important. I was alone at secondary school and it messed me up. Though they went different ways I think it helped settling in.

Opinions will vary hugely. If you only hear good feedback about a school and can't find not even a single person who says anything bad about it, chances are the people are not being honest (like those who live in Crapford-on-shite, endure a 90-minute commute, but tell you the train journey is no big deal and they couldn't be happier) and/or you haven't done enough due diligence.

The most important thing is understanding how relevant the experience of other people is to you. Is their child more academic than yours? Less academic? They loved the sports facilities but yours doesn't care, or viceversa? They wanted to do music and drama but yours wants to do further maths, or viceversa?

"Strict" and "academic" mean different things to different people, so always try to understand how relevant other people's experience is to your situation.

The point on how subjective it all is becomes crucial if you have special needs and an EHCP plan. A school which may be great for a child without special needs may not work for yours.

Extremes are always dangerous: schools with too little discipline and schools with extremely draconian rules can both wreck mental health, although in different ways and affecting different children differently.

Look at the policies online. Is there anything that sounds off? Ashcroft in SW London is very clear that bikes are not allowed and will get you a detention; Michaela in Wembley is very clear that not SLANTing (look it up) is not allowed. Other schools (e.g. Harris Wimbledon have a reputation for being strict but the head is adamant that she doesn't agree with those methods and would never want to work in a school like that. Only you can know what works for your child.

Speak to the parents. But beware of selection bias. Kids who cannot bear the discipline at Ashcroft either don't choose it or leave in the first year, so current parents are more likely to like that.

Once you have narrowed down your choice to 2-3 schools, try to visit them more than once, if at all feasible. We have had very different vibes from a few schools when we visited the second vs the first time.

A worrying trend I have noticed is headteachers caring less, especially about special needs, once their school improves its Ofsted rating and/or becomes more desirable locally. Why try harder and worry about the "difficult" children if the school is popular anyway, many seem to be thinking.

I see posts on FB at this time of year asking for advice on high schools and responses are always the same about every school. Someone will say their SEN child thrived there. Someone will say it's terrible if you have SEN. Someone will say their child was bullied. Someone will say they left there in 2005 and it was a terrible school.

We looked around our closest schools- the ones within walking distance, and put those in order of preference. Talk to the SENCOs. Maybe find a local SEN FB group and ask about experiences of high schools.

(This was 2020/21, so all online)
We looked at every policy we could find online.

At first, one school looked better... but when we dig deeper it was clear it wasn't. There policy was basically forcing children with SEN to mould to their ideas. (It was supposed to be small, friendly, informal, no uniform etc)

The "strict" school was all about how they adapt around a child's needs. There is a SEN base attached, which takes children who can't cope with mainstream, but the ethos skills over into everyday life.

Despite nothing official they picked up my DD can get very anxious about certain things. When she was late in Yr7, she just got taken to pastoral to calm down instead of going into the late book for example. DD wasn't in it, but they separated off a bunch of Yr7 in her year who were struggling with school after lockdowns and they formed their own class for a bit rather than changing classes every lesson.

In your case, I'd go for the school where they seem to be welcoming him and you rather than the one who seems overwhelmed