How did you choose a secondary school?

[MyCatPrefersPeaches]

I’m curious as to how others have decided on secondary schools for their children as we are at the point of making the decision as to what our first choice is and I’m very torn. How much weight did you put on how you felt about the school on visiting/attending an open day vs what others say locally about the school? How much weight did you put on your DC’s views?

I am torn as we need a school with good SEN support but there are other factors in play as well and we’re concerned about bullying as that’s been an issue at primary school. And what we experienced on the open days doesn’t always match what people say locally about the schools (including other SEN parents on local Facebook groups). I’d be interested to hear about how others have gone about this?

We now have an EHCP agreed so, assuming the school says it can meet need, we should be able to name the school of our choice. I think any one of the three schools we’re looking at would be able to meet need. This feels like it adds an extra pressure and it feels as though I’m going round in circles so would be great to hear how other people went about this! We’re also factoring in things like the journey to school, size of school and so on.

We’ve moved around a fair but, and have always just sent Das to the geographically nearest school. I think most schools are much of a muchness, though I appreciate needing SEN support means you need to establish this.

Visited the local Comp, realised it was as awful as I had heard and went Private

That’s exactly how I grew up but we live in a town with a range of secondary schools, all with rather different ethos/approaches and it feels like a bloody minefield!

Fair enough, that’s definitely not an option for us personally but can see why you made that choice if it was an option for you.

There's a lot to be said for going to a school you can easily get to independently, and where a lot of your friends will live locally. Neither DH nor I had this as YP and it impacted both our social lives (separately of course!) So we very much wanted that for our DC.

We chose to live somewhere the local comp is decent, so just went there.

We went with closest secondary. No regrets. We didn't have SEN to consider though.

We just went totally on the feel of the place on open evening . It wasn’t really on our list. Just went because it was there and we were looking at the others.

Arrange a tour in the day for every school. You will see it as it really is then (kids wandering corridors, shouting etc.).
See which one you and your DS prefer

I knew I wanted dd in a single sex school and that she’d do better in that environment so I looked for those in my area - there were three - put them in order of preference, then put closest geographically in case we didn’t get one. Fortunately we got our first choice and she did very well there.

I took my 3 round all 3 of our options and was lucky that they all chose the same one, although there was division over the back up choice! I knew the school a bit from links with a previous job and it fitted in with where I was working at the time.
I think that transition plans are particularly important for children with SEND. Ideally secondary schools arrange several short taster sessions so that the new students can gain confidence with the layout, staff and other prospective students. There need to be meetings between the schools and parents to plan how specific needs will be met.
I think I went with gut feeling, my eldest liked the fact it was the smallest and my daughter liked the uniform! Luckily, none of us regret that choice. I really hope it goes well for you and your DC.

OP, reading back over your first post, I would add, I did give quite a lot of weight to my DC’s views. I think it is more likely to work if they chose it and giving them ownership where possible builds their confidence and independence. Obviously, this does not mean they can do something really crazy/dangerous on a whim, but if you think all 3 options are contenders, I would let them call it.

Thank you - that is reassuring. I am torn as he is very opposed to the school that, anecdotally, probably has the best overall reputation for SEN support. But I’ve visited it twice and they are definitely trying to discourage EHCP applications (I’ve heard they’ve struggled to cope with the volume they’ve had in recent years). It just didn’t feel very welcoming and I can’t work out if it would be different once through the gates.

I think, at the moment, we are happy to support his first choice - I’m just hoping they can meet need. I liked the SENCO and overall it had a good atmosphere. I’m torn because it’s single sex and I would have preferred mixed but in terms of the overall package, I think it’s probably the best option.

Choice is a dangerous thing, but we have half a dozen secondaries in our town and all have a different offer so it’s not a “just pick the local comp” scenario.

Attended open days and did some
research but ultimately allowed my daughter to choose and she picked our local very average comprehensive school. It wasn’t She my preferred option 😂 but still did very well, flew through GCSEs and Alevels and recently graduated with a First class degree so it worked out ok.

I asked each DC.
DC asked friends where they wanted to go and why.
I spoke to a few parents.
We all talked about it as a family (That is, DC and I. My ExH self-excluded, as ever.)
Visited a few schools - not loads, just two or three.
We had a think about the walking time. (The schools had to be walkable.)
Looked at sports / options available, recent Ofsted etc.
Went with each DC’s preference.

Both were fortunate enough to be accepted by their 1st preferences.

For my older dc there was only one secondary school available.

Younger ones have ehcp's so in theory we had more choice but decided that as the schools available were pretty much the same, we decided the local school with their brother was the best option.

We decided on Welsh medium education at age 3 so the primary fed straight into the only secondary in the county.

There are no other schools available, state or private so it was a very straightforward decision.

Pay attention to the fact the school with the best reputation for SEN is overwhelmed - this does happen to schools as SEN parents share their knowledge, and it becomes very very difficult for the school to continue to meet needs.

Going for a less-overwhelmed school with a SENCo you liked is sensible.

There were 4 that technically we were in catchment for. Catholic school in the next town over was out without even visiting. Looked at the other 3.

I discounted one on the basis of the feel, and lack of sibling link, and lottery placement system, meaning we might not ghave got DS2 in, and they don't follow the holiday pattern set by the rest of the county. DS walked out of 2 and said not a chance (I'd have been happy), and both happy with the third school. We were pretty certain we would get into 2 and 3 on distance.

So ordered them 3,2,1.
Got our first choice.

DS2 said he didn't even want to look round any, and he'd go where his brother was.

We had four options

• Superselective grammar
• Crazily oversubscribed ex-private school
• All boys Christian school
• Comprehensive on rough estate

DS is very bright, likely AuDHD (currently on a very long NHS waiting list, no EHCP as currently well-supported in school), likes music, science and drama, hates sport. Struggles socially but has a few good friends at school, generally happy, confident child but very much his own person.
Both the all boys and ex-private have dodgy reputations locally for SEN, but both had a good feel looking round, great for music and drama. Rough school honestly felt like a prison, most of the extra curriculars were sport or army cadets. I suspected with the level of need there, a child like DS would be low down their list for support.
Grammar has a reputation locally for being very pressured, but DS is enough of an individual that I think he wouldn't be phased by that. It had loads of extracurriculars Iike debate club and mythology club. I also knew DS wouldn't be bored there and he generally responds well to a challenge but tends to act out when bored and understimulated.
I also wasn't wild about the idea of all boys or Christian.
Our order of preference was

• Grammar
• Ex-private (basically zero chance of getting in but you never know)
• Boys
• Comprehensive

We took him along to the open days and fortunately his preference aligned with ours. (He really wanted the school his three best friends are going to as a second choice, but sadly we're way out of catchment so no chance.) We found out yesterday he's been accepted to the grammar. Phew.

For us, distance was very important. I went to a school an hour away and really struggled with the journey so wanted nowhere further than about twenty minutes for DS. I also felt like a long journey could be a problem when he's a grumpy teen who doesn't want to go to school (v common problem for ND teens). DH is very similar to DS and anything boring that feels like effort is much harder for him to do than anything that's straightforward. The school DS's friends are going to is two miles cycle away and I could just see that being a daily battle in Year Ten. I'm not sure I'd have put it second even if we'd had a chance of getting in - fortunately it wasn't ever a question.

We live rurally and the bus for the school we chose stopped at the end of our drive. I'd have needed a good reason not to send them there!
Ok, there was more to it than that and if it had been a terrible school we'd have found alternative solutions, but with 2 working parents and no public transport, ease of getting there and back was definitely a consideration. It's also the school where most of the kids in our village go, which meant that there were plenty of people to lift share with for after school and weekend activities so logistically it was the best choice. Fortunately it's also a great school with good exam results and lots of extracurricular activities so it was the obvious choice. The local reputation and what we saw on open days matched pretty well. If they hadn't, I'd probably have been swayed more by what people who actually have children at the school told me, as it's not too difficult to put on a good show for an open day. That said, I do think you get a bit of a feel for a school from open days. We did look at another school that is well regarded locally and it was ok - I'm sure if my DC had had to go there they would have been fine and done well - but we just didn't like it as much. It's hard to put my finger on it but it just didn't have as nice an atmosphere somehow. Admittedly I probably at least subconsciously didn't want to like it as much as the logistics would have been so much harder, but my DC felt the same and we were happy that our gut feelings tied in with what we's been told by existing pupils and parents and what the Ofsted reports and exam data said too.

Thank you - this is really helpful. I feel like of the three schools we’ve looked at seriously, this one is the best balance of being aspirational and inclusive, and doesn’t seem overwhelmed by SEN in the same way I know two other schools are. Certainly, I could see him getting lost at the bigger school as he’s not disruptive or falling behind enough to flag on their radar. And the smaller school just didn’t seem welcoming, and I don’t want him going somewhere he’s not wanted as he’s a kid with a lot to offer!

I moved to an area where all the schools are pretty good, then just chose the nearest one. I know that's not easy for everyone.

If you have a child with additional needs, you want a school that has expertise in meeting those needs. The issue can be that the school becomes overwhelmed with applications for children with a range of needs and, as has been said, it can become difficult to accommodate those needs and the cohort can become skewed. It’s rather a double edged sword sometimes. You want to do well for those children, but you’re also conscious of the stats and the need to ensure good progress for all.