Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

13 Y/o suspended for fighting

11 replies

SMO212 · 17/10/2025 14:22

Hello,

My 13 y/o has been suspended for 5 days for fighting.
I am struggling as he had received threats a week previously online asking him to have a fight, he refused and said he didn't want to (this is over a girl). We went to the school and explained what was happening. The school spoke to him and the other child and warned them that if they do end up fighting they will end up recieving a large sanction.
This seemed to of calmed down and both boys ignored each other.
Fast forward a week and he was at the park with some friends straight after school. This boy has then approached him and asked him for a fight again, he has again said no. The boy has then punched him in the face, by which point there is a large crowd around them all shouting fight. My son has then proceeded to fight back. It is all on video and really horrible.
I then went into the school the next morning with my son, I showed the video and helped him write the statement with the school.
I am then informed that he has been suspended for 5 days as he was in school uniform and it gives the general public a bad representation of the school.
He has never had a fight before, he came to me for advice and I went into the school to try and resolve the situation? I also went to the school after the fight (which I'm regretting now) to now ensure it didn't escalate any further. I do not condone fighting at all but I'm unsure what else he was supposed to do except maybe runaway in that situation.
I just feel they've been really harsh but am I not looking at this in the correct way?

OP posts:
BeeKee · 17/10/2025 14:24

Have a fight, get suspended.

Don't fight, don't get suspended.

It is done now, just make sure it doesn't happen again.

Ionacat · 17/10/2025 14:39

I suspect it hinges on, did your son fight back or was it more self defence and attempting to get away? If he fought back and with aggression, I can sort of see the school’s point of view, if he was clearly trying to get away and it was all self defence then they’ve probably been harsh. If you’re unsure, ask to speak to whoever sent you the letter and ask for clarification.

2lsinllama · 17/10/2025 14:56

5 day suspension for a first offence outside of school is very harsh. I’d be asking for a copy of the school behaviour policy.

Bluevelvetsofa · 17/10/2025 14:57

If they are in school uniform, the school would regard it as them being a representative of the school and they will give sanctions.

Your child might not have started the fight, but he was part of it and there’s little alternative with a situation as serious as it was.

Of course you want to do your best for him and the best is now to impress on him the gravity of the situation and that a further instance would probably result in something even more serious.

Mumofoneandone · 17/10/2025 16:38

I don't condone fighting but I think the school have ignored the facts about your son being targeted by this individual and then attacked. This was not a simple case of 2 boys fighting.
Think you need to look at the school policies, to ensure they are being correctly followed and challenge the suspension.

HereBeFuckery · 17/10/2025 23:02

SMO212 · 17/10/2025 14:22

Hello,

My 13 y/o has been suspended for 5 days for fighting.
I am struggling as he had received threats a week previously online asking him to have a fight, he refused and said he didn't want to (this is over a girl). We went to the school and explained what was happening. The school spoke to him and the other child and warned them that if they do end up fighting they will end up recieving a large sanction.
This seemed to of calmed down and both boys ignored each other.
Fast forward a week and he was at the park with some friends straight after school. This boy has then approached him and asked him for a fight again, he has again said no. The boy has then punched him in the face, by which point there is a large crowd around them all shouting fight. My son has then proceeded to fight back. It is all on video and really horrible.
I then went into the school the next morning with my son, I showed the video and helped him write the statement with the school.
I am then informed that he has been suspended for 5 days as he was in school uniform and it gives the general public a bad representation of the school.
He has never had a fight before, he came to me for advice and I went into the school to try and resolve the situation? I also went to the school after the fight (which I'm regretting now) to now ensure it didn't escalate any further. I do not condone fighting at all but I'm unsure what else he was supposed to do except maybe runaway in that situation.
I just feel they've been really harsh but am I not looking at this in the correct way?

You’re “unsure what else he was supposed to do except maybe run away”?
So, he could have run away? Why is that something you present as a remote and ridiculous option? Disengaging from and leaving a fight would have been the right answer. He chose to join the fight, and has been punished, quite rightly.

Sometimeswinning · 17/10/2025 23:31

Why should he run away? If I was at work I would be protected if a work colleague treated me the same way! If I fought back in self defence and they tried to suspend me you can bet I’d be taking it further!

As would all of you posting I’m sure.

Pythag · 18/10/2025 08:37

2lsinllama · 17/10/2025 14:56

5 day suspension for a first offence outside of school is very harsh. I’d be asking for a copy of the school behaviour policy.

The behaviour policy will be online so the OP can just download it from the internet.

Foxesandsquirrels · 18/10/2025 14:52

I think you should appeal this if there is evidence that someone else started it. The punishment is unreasonable. Obv every school will have their own policies but generally speaking even in very strict schools this would really be 1 day internal for your son (if it's clear he didn't start it) and a 5 day external for the other boy. However it also depends on how much he was fighting back or trying to diffuse it/ defend himself.

WaffleParty · 18/10/2025 14:55

He had a fight and now had a punishment. Lesson learned hopefully.

Wolfiefan · 18/10/2025 14:57

Asking someone to have a fight isn’t a threat. They provoked him. He had a fight. So he will face a consequence. He could have tried to get away. But didn’t? A boy near us was stabbed during a similar incident.
He needs to come straight home after school in future.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page