Anxieties about foreign exchange reciprocation

[GlassMatryoshka]

Hello lovely MN community!

We have been thinking about secondary schools for DS and have done a few visits over the past weeks. I am also not originally from this country so some things I'm learning as I go.

One thing that was new to me was the exchange programs as part of studying a foreign language - where your DC is hosted in the other country with a DC and their family whilst attending the partner school for a week. Then later the other DC comes and stays with you for a week, attending your DC's school.

I've no problem with the safety aspect of it on either end - happy to do the DBS, etc. My worry is feeling unable to reciprocate the ability to host. We live in London, in a small rental flat. DS is our only child and he just about manages with his 6sqm proverbial "box" bedroom. Any notion of having a room to spare is a flight of fantasy for us.

We'd be happy to have the other DC come over for dinner or crash on the couch for a weekend. But to do so during a normal school week, with only one bathroom and the morning rush... Would others not find this stressful and/or untenable?

I wouldn't want to deny our DS these opportunities, but feel incredibly bad if we got partnered with a family who live in a house with a spare bedroom and we felt unable to host their DS because our home was too small or impractical.

Anyone who has been through this with any advice or thoughts please?

MFL is my subject and I have taught it in secondary schools (not working in a school any longer) and also have several friends who do so.

The idea of an MFL exchange is a great one but sadly, I have never known or worked in a school that has been able to get it to work. Perhaps because of the kinds of reasons you cite, or maybe concerns around sharing spaces etc. I went on exchanges when I was at school but it’s definitely less usual now.

So I take it the schools you have looked at have offered an exchange programme? I think if it came to it and your DC wanted to take part, you might be able to negotiate a way round it perhaps – a hotel stay for a couple of nights and meals at your house?

We did it with my DD. Her exchange visitor had to sleep in a mattress in the floor of DDs bedroom. When DD stayed there she had a room with an ensuite!
To be honest, a week staying in London would likely override any other matters. Could your DS camp out in the living room for the week, or sleep in your floor?

I did one of these when I was at school. It was two weeks, so you had a weekend with the host family to go and properly explore - we took our exchange student into London, I was taken out into the German countryside to little villages (they lived in Bonn).

But not many students did it. I went to a school with 13 classes per year, so let’s say 400 kids per year. Half did German, so ~200 kids got the option to do the exchange, probably only maybe 40ish did. I assume a similar number did the French exchange. So I doubt he’d be alone in not doing it if you didn’t feel able to.

Out school does a few, you would be expected to put the student in the bedroom and DS on the couch, ours specify the student needs their own room. They can choose or ask to share with your DS, but the starting point is that they have some space.

Loads of these kids will do scouts, will have stayed in hostels and bunk rooms, be going to university to stay in a tiny room etc they don't expect a palace.

We're in an interesting city centre, exchanging with more suburban rural schools in France/Germany/Spain. The increase in excitement and culture more than compensates for the fact we live in smaller houses and flats. You should go for it.

I'm impressed that some schools are still able to do this. It's a really great way to immerse in the language for sure.

Yes your DS giving up his room and him sleeping on the sofa is the answer perhaps.

Thank you all for your advice and helpful replies!
Good to also appreciate what is on my doorstep :)

A follow on question for those who might know - how do the schools do the matching? Other than same gender, is it completely random?

If for instance, DS favoured STEM subjects, would there be some way to get matched with a similarly inclined child? Do the schools collaborate to act as a matchmaker of sorts? Or do the children/families have some say with some level of preview?

My mum is a retired MFL teacher. When she used to organise exchanges she and her counterpart in the French school would get all the pupils forms together and then discuss the pupils and try to match them as best they could, eg put sporty outgoing girls together. I think on the form you had to write something about your interests and my mum taught all the pupils so knew them well. I don’t know for sure this is how everyone does it of course but I assume most do.

I did four foreign exchanges myself at school and had am amazing time! Lovely exchange partners and families and so much fun.

Generally speaking it’s the dc who actually favour foreign languages and intend to go down that route that partake in the exchanges.

I’ve never known a science and tech dc to do a language exchange any more than a music and arts dc going off to science camp

My DSs did 17 exchanges between them and yes, it's hard work and occasionally traumatic, but it is so worth it ... not just the language development but culturally, organisationally and for them to gain independence. Give it a go ... it's cheaper than paying for a holiday!

A chance to stay in London - who cares if the accommodation is on the small side!

the dcs did exchanges: the students were sort of matched but it didn’t really matter. There were lots more French boys than girls so we hosted a boy. He was sweet. Obviously if you are tight on accommodation they would give you the same sex as your own child.

the village the dcs went to had a full range of children. Ds’s friend stayed in a Manor House, another friend in the pizzeria (everyone v envious!) but ds’s friend’s exchange partner lived in a farm worker’s cottage and had to sleep behind a curtain - and far worse - there was no wi-fi 😂

The whole point for the exchange student is that they get to experience normal life in their destination - so if that means living in a small flat because (it's pretty normal in London to do so), then so be it.
But really, it's such a long way off and not relevant to choose, or not choose, a school based on this. Not many schools offer it now days, and those that do, it would usually be for the older, more advanced linguists to be the ones who go. They're not going to send entire year groups; it wouldn't be for everyone.

I did loads of exchanges when I was at school - zero safety checks but I had a great time. Now schools hardly do them or if they do they are only for a few days and I can’t find any commercial outfits that do actual exchanges rather than expensive home stays.

so you may be worrying about something that ma never happen.

that said - it really doesn’t matter if your flat is small. The main thing is making the student welcome, feed them loads, take them out and about, speak english to them, get them included in family life.

Thank you very much all! So very helpful :)