Detention for an overdue library book

[Giftedsleeper]

My daughter is a hard-working student who has never received a single sanction since starting Year 7. She is now in Year 9 and was mortified today to receive a detention for an overdue library book.
While I completely understand that the book was overdue, I do question whether it’s really necessary to issue a detention for this. It feels a little excessive to create fear around returning a library book on time, especially when we live in a world where encouraging children to read is already such a challenge.
I suppose I just needed to vent my frustration about this situation.

That's a parenting fault. So your (and other) children have learned that if they make a mistake and have to deal with the consequences, it is so traumatising and unfair on them that they will never try and attempt the thing again. All because they were reprimanded for a wrong action.

They'll be extremely entitled and emotionally fragile.

So because he thinks he may be irresponsible and create a fine, he puts it in your name instead of working on not creating the fine. He will be a great husband!

Yeah, I am actually a really shit parent, so that’s fair.

Speaking as a secondary school librarian, I agree that it's more likely to backfire and result in library avoidance. However, our budgets are tiny and popular books so in demand that it really affects library use when they are not in stock! Children stop coming to the library because the books they want aren't here... Not sure what the answer is - especially as the reminders I've sent rarely result in a return! Would you have preferred a call home? (Although that can be fraught for children under a lot of pressure or with poor relationships with the adults in their home. )

this comment is probably the best I've seen! 🤣 @DingDongJingle

No wonder they say this generation are snowflakes. Yes you’ve forgotten something, take it on the chin and move on! Teach them resilience. We have a young girl at work who constantly cries whenever anyone gives feedback to her (really nicely!!) which is natural in the job we do, but she just can’t handle it.

Always time to change for the sake of our kids.

It's the librarian who is an overreacting snowflake.

A detention is a ridiculous response to a normal library occurrence. Our local library doesn't even fine for short delays now because life happens.

People who can't cope with late books need to not work in libraries.

My daughter has a double scholarship to an independent school (academic and music). She has never had even a telling off at school, because her behaviour has always been impeccable. She’s lovely, kind, helpful and has lots of friends. She also has to tolerate living with a severely disabled sibling. She’s amazing.
So just because I (hypothetically, as it’s never actually happened) think she would be upset at a detention and avoid getting a book out afterwards, I don’t think she’s actually going to become a massive failure in life.

Well yes, if a mere detention is enough to upset you when youve achieved so much, you're in a really fragile state of mind. It's just like the academically brilliant, very nice, volunteered in the old people's home since 3 students I have. Yes they are great, they can write an essay and answer any questions. However, you try and ever criticise anything they could do better or have done wrong, then it is unions, mentors, therapy and wanting to meet your manager to explain how you upset them.

They are totally unaccustomed to hearing anything that sounds like a no. It breaks them.

Ok.

Its a 30min inconvenience at most, not 6 months in Borstal.

I actually think the detention my anxious DD git in Yr8 was good for her as it totally demystified it. She hadn't completed homework... so had to do homework. Exactly like she would be doing at home. She's never had another one, but she didn't find them so scary afterwards

It isnt ok because these will be the next set of midwives.

You can’t win on MN. I’ve tried twice to agree with you to end the madness, but you’re even arguing with that! Some people just want a fight.

Getting something wrong will help her enormously, though - if she never fails at anything then she will struggle with minor things like this. I wouldn’t just accept that as how she is. With modern tech there’s no reason to forget anyway, but a detention isn’t the end of the world - it’s an inconvenience but not something to be afraid of.

It’s no reason to not give a detention (or any consequence) to returning a book late. That your DD would respond like this is for you and her to manage.

Ok, I’ll tell her to deliberately get something wrong to earn herself a detention and some resilience 👍

No youve tried to be witty and smart. Ive tried to tell you why raising your brilliant daughter to have no resilience to anything like criticism is bad for our society because it is a point worth making.

God we are in a terrible mess.

I’ve been up since midnight with my severely disabled child. ‘Witty and smart’ is the last thing on my agenda today. I was merely regretting having got involved in the conversation at all and trying to close it down from my side without just disappearing. And on that note, I’ll go with the ‘disappear’ option, because figuring on MN before 8am after an hours sleep is pointless.

You’re being very defensive and rather silly. And yes, sometimes we do have to purposefully put stumbling blocks in our children’s way to help them in the long run.

@Ddakji are you my daughters librarian?

UPDATE: Detention was revoked by her form tutor for her maturity and hardworking character.
To my fellow ‘snowflake’ parents… having the right attitude to her work has paid off!
Over and out.

No. Why? Because I don’t agree with you and don’t see this as being the end of the world unless you choose to make it so?