Y7 struggles

[dontforgetme]

Hi all,

My dd started year 7 this year, today was the first day of her 4th week and she is so unhappy. Struggling to meet new people/make new friends. Seeing her old school friends laughing and joking with new people and feeling like she’s drifting from them. I’ve spoken to the student support team and let them know how my dd is feeling, and I keep encouraging her to talk to girls and boys in her classes, have given her some easy conversation starters etc. I just hope it settles soon, seeing her so unhappy is breaking my heart. Anyone else in the same boat or previously been through this with their dc? How long did it take them to settle into the new school life? Seeing her leave home every morning with her eyes welling up is the worst feeling.

My dd was fine but I remember hating first few weeks at my secondary school and being desperate to make friends.

Has the joined a school club or anything? That may help

I remember posting exactly this nearly 20 years ago! I still remember with love and gratitude the Mumsnetter who told me that she knew how awful it felt but reassured me that dd would “find her tribe” and I had to be sympathetic but also gently cheerful so that DD didn’t pick up doomladen vibes from me. Make home as loving and calm and normal as possible, and see how things are after half term. Encourage her to join anything she’s remotely interested in so she’s got somewhere to be/do at lunchtime. It will pass.

Thanks both.

Art club starts tomorrow and she’s really hesitant to join but I’m gently encouraging her. She loves art and I think it’ll be a great way to meet people. Fingers crossed.

I've found this thread to try and get some ideas of how to help my daughter. Her primary best friends are all busily making brand new BFFs and she's just been.....left. I've been gently trying to encourage her to make some new friends outside of this group, that are "hers", as being on the periphery of all the new friendships is making her so sad.
She's adamant that she doesn't want to though and so I'm at a loss to know how to help. She's so sad and it feels like everyone is moving on without her.
She's always been bright, bubbly, popular....this is new territory for both of us and I just don't know what to do for the best

That's why I always say don't choose a secondary school based on where DC friends are going because chances are a few weeks in, they won't still be friends.

This is such lovely, wise advice. Thank you!

My DD has just started Y7 and there are a few girls from her prep at her new secondary, so she's not 'alone'... but they've been put into separate forms and are all working so hard to make new friendships and it is such a big, new, thing. Scary and fraught and as a mum it's agonising to have to bite my tongue and let them figure it out themselves, which is what you have to do, isn't it? I mean you can see the shifting sands of popularity and confidence, and you remember it from your own time and wish you could smooth over every hiccup and stop them making rookie errors (befriending someone who is so obviously going to be toxic, blind to the girl who is an absolute gem), but the truth is you shouldn't and you mustn't, they've just got to do this growing themselves... I have faith it all works out for the best, or at least as it's meant to be. 🤞

@Minikievs this is exactly what’s happening with my daughter too. The past couple of days she seems to have turned a little corner though, made a new friend and introduced her to her old friends. She seems much happier tonight. Hopefully this is the start of her settling more. I’m trying not to jump the gun!
She didn’t end up going to art club which I was a little gutted about but this new friend she’s made has asked her to attend a different club with her next week. Hoping my dd agrees.

How has this week been for your dd?

M8ne is Yr8 now and I think it was about Easter I started to be confident she was settling socially. She was bullied at Primary so despite going to Secondary with over 50 children from her Primary, she really was alone. They put her in a form with other "singles" and initially it worked.. until they all fell out. But now... shes even upgraded some people acquaintance status to friend status (she has trust issues!).

Its hard seeing them sad. I don't think tiredness helps. But a big reassurance fir me was my older DD telling me she was making friends and enjoying the extracurricular stuff.

My DS is also having a tough time of it. He has befriended some girls in Year 10- which isn’t a surprise as he has sibling's this age, who he now spends lunch time with. This makes him happier but I worry he should be finding friends in his peers, so he has friends in lessons, appropriate conversations, they won’t all leave next year!

Still rubbish here 🤦🏼‍♀️
It got worse, I ended up messaging a couple of the mums, as it (the ignoring) had crept into an after school activity that they all do.
It got slightly better, but now it’s (mostly) polite indifference from them all to DD. Including telling her all about days out they’ve got planned to water parks etc.

DD is still worried that she’ll be left completely alone if she cuts her losses, so she still tries to be “in the group” but she’s literally hanging onto the edges. They seem to take great delight in telling her about their plans.

I wish she could just make a fresh start with totally new people rather than trying to be on the tail end of these primary school relationships.

@dontforgetmehow are the clubs going for your daughter?