Y7 given a detention in the first week

[brightgreenpepper]

Looking for some opinions on how to respond to this.

DS started secondary this week. He has been given a detention because he forgot to bring a handout into a lesson that he was given earlier in the week.

(This was actually my fault as I’ve been helping him make sure he has the right books in his bag and I took the handout out, thinking it related to a different class)

DS has ADHD and ASD. The school are aware of this but we’ve not had any contact from the school regarding this e.g. about understanding his support needs. Executive function things like remembering the right books are bound to be an issue for him.

DS is a bit upset about the detention as he likes to get things right / is sensitive to criticism.

WWYD?

I would contact the school and chat to them about it. Check that they know that he has executive functioning issues and ask if they can make an allowance this time in the basis that it is part of his disability and you will ensure it doesn't happen again.
Just out if interest is it one of those super strict academy style schools?

This seems really harsh. At my DC’s secondary schools, there’s kind of an amnesty on things like this for the first month while they get used to everything.

I would reach out and have a chat with the form tutor or head of year.

DS has ASD and it was agreed v early on that he would not get punishment as it won't help anything. He has improved but being in trouble in any way makes him meltdown and spiral and even self harm in class.

Meeting with senco needed.

That seems overly harsh for the first week even if there were no mitigating factors. Have you a contact number for the SENCO? can you contact them and at the same time ask them to make sure all the relevant teachers have been informed of DSs ADHD and ASD?

If handouts are common, or he has more than one boom for a subject, get a folder for that subject so everything stays together.
If he's supposed to stick things into books, make sure he has glue sticks.

If you're helping him... get him to identify which poece if paper belongs to each subject. Dont guess.

Detention for one mistake is nuts. DD got two for forgotten homework last year but at least that was three strikes. (She did it... just the last step of remembering to take it to school at the right time!(

That seems tough for week 1 as not sure they’ve had that much work set to take from one class to next. Maybe just check you’ve got the whole story

Actually, I have changed my mind. It might be a good opportunity to explain that there are stupid consequences for stuff sometimes. Obviously you know your son best and know whether he would cope with this but it will help him later because we all know that life isn't always fair and that sometimes shit things happen. He did actually do the thing which resulted in the detention so although it is unfair, I can see the value of the detention.

But tbf, he only 'did actually do the thing which resulted in the detention because the OP had deliberately (albeit due to her own misunderstanding, not maliciously) sent him into school without the required item.

The punishment does seem a little harsh, but must be detailed in the school's behaviour / sanctions policy?

In the first instance, perhaps the OP should apologise to her DS, rather than railing against the school's policy being applied to him?

@MarchingFrogs Good point. I assumed the op has already apologised?

@brightgreenpepper behaviour policies are published and some are harsher than others. Also, some teachers are stricter than others. You will need to explain this to your DC and encourage him to do his best to follow the rules. Huge numbers of children now have the same diagnosed conditions as your son, but if the behaviour policy is not applied consistently then discipline soon breaks down. He is at a mainstream school and you will need to talk to them about which adjustments are reasonable and which aren't. Ultimately it is your responsibility to encourage your child to be organised. He will need organisational skills for the workplace in future so needs strategies to overcome his difficulties, not excuses.

Why are secondary schools so Draconian these days?
Sorry OP that is terrible the year 7s are just getting used to a huge change in their lives being punished like that is the last thing an already anxious child needs.
It's certainly one way of turning a child who was previously interested in learning into a school refuser.

I would own up that it was your fault.

This happened to my well behaved DD in her 1st week of year 7 (she's now 16).For forgetting her ruler in week 1 .She was so upset and stressed and was already struggling with covid rules.It makes me so cross - surely the 1st week is the time to make mistakes and be corrected not punished.

Your main issue here is that no one from school has discussed his support needs with you. Request a meeting with the Senco asap and also highlight to his tutor. You can use the detention as the reason for needing to discuss. Does he have an ehcp or a support plan?

This also seems very harsh for week 1. Most schools let stuff like that go (dd went to school in a non regulation coat dp put her in last week and they just mildly reminded her it needed to be black).

DD has asd and dyspraxia and honestly doing the bag every night is another form of bloody wife work.

Sorry for abandoning the thread, have had an unexpectedly busy couple of days.

@MarchingFrogs - there's nothing about sanctions for these kind of issues in the behaviour policy, it mostly details sanctions disruption, bullying and non-compliance with uniform policy. I was led to believe when we visited for open days they were a little bit more lenient on things like this ("we'll give them a spare pen not a detention for not having one" type of thing).

@Geneticsbunny yes I apologised to him, and we had a chat about how we needed to work together to come up with better ways of getting him ready for the school day. It's a work in progress - navigating having do daily homework, pack different books for every day and find his own way to school on public transport is a huge extra burden on him and he needs support. The previous day he'd mentally checked-out when it came to sorting his bag so I organised it for him rather than overwhelm him, but it obviously backfired.

@Dinnerplease I agree that this is the bigger issue, and it feels like a good trigger to ask for a conversation with the senco. He's only recently diagnosed so there was never much formal in place for him at his primary school (though they had little classroom adaptations that worked for him) so this is all quite new to me.

Oh and yes it's not the worst offender in the world of super strict academy schools but it's in that mould.

As for ensuring it doesn't happen again...I feel that would be promising more than we can deliver! It's almost inevitably going to happen again, if not with this with something else.

On one hand, the school haven’t started off great. SEN provision in my area is pretty poor but I’ve never heard of a child with Additional needs (with or without a diagnosis) whose parent hasn’t had conversations with the SENCO before the child has started school. When my (also autistic) child started secondary school we had a couple of phone calls in July where I explicitly discussed his needs and what could be put in place to support them from the start.
The school have to show that they are sticking to their policy (although if they understand autism and the legislation around it then they really do need to put reasonable adjustments in place). I would let him to do the detention but explain to the teacher that you’d accidentally removed the sheet. Moving forwards, request a meeting with the SENCO as a matter of urgency. It might also help for you to sit with him and ask what he thinks might help support him so you can suggest it to the school.