Would you/have you sent your children to *very* different secondary schools?

[castille]

Just musing, because it's a situation we might be facing.

DD1 starts secondary in Sept and after much anguish we have made our choice. DD2 may follow her there, but will also have the option of a different local state school with a dance section (her thing).

DD1's school is in a deprived area, but offers options that suit her, whereas the one DD2 might go to has a privileged intake. So they are socially very different.

I'm not sure if this matters, but the idea does vaguely bother me. Would be interested in anyone's thoughts and experiences.

We are facing this possibility with DS3. Both his older brothers are at a local grammar school and he may go there too. However, I'm not sure that a grammar will suit him and therefore we are considering the local high school. The grammar school is boys only, whereas the high school is co-ed. Already a fairly major difference. The high school offers a wider range of options, in order to cater for the differing abilities of the pupils. The grammar is much more academic. Socially the schools are very different too.

My main concern is whether I will get to grips with the way two schools operate when I struggle to keep up with one!

my brother went to a boys school, I went to a girls.

Each dc needs to be treated as a person with their own needs and options. One size doesn't fit all.

Go for a school that fits the dc not a school that fits the dc's sibling.

My two would always have been going to different schools anyway, as our catchment schools were single-sex.

In fact, DS went to a boys' grammar school in a neighbouring town, DD went to the girls' comp till GCSE, & is now doing A levels at a very big 6th form college (1,000 per year) a train ride away - she seems to be on course to get very similar results to DS

I went to a comp, brother to a prestigious private school & I would say we were moulded by our experiences. Not that it matters but I have the better academic results from the comp.

I think it's quite interesting because, of course, you want to do what's best for each child.

However, we have friends whose eldest dd got into the grammar school. The younger ds went to the local state school as he would not have stood a chance getting into the grammar school (I'm not sure if he took the exam and failed...but either way, he didn't/couldn't go there).

And you know what, that ds, quite openly, stated how he was disappointed that he hadn't had the opportunities his sister had . Not only educational, but the grammar school had better sports and music facilities and he said he always felt he'd been palmed off with the poorer option (and it turned out, a year into his secondary education, the school was labelled a 'failing' school where beforehand it had been 'good').

And I don't think his parents imagined, at the time, that he would feel that strongly about it. (I also think it was a factor that the school went downhill so he probably wasn't enjoying it).

I think, again, like primaries, I think there is a perception of choice but for a lot of people, you just have to make do with your nearest/local school whether it would suit your child or not.

Interesting. Your comment, foxinsocks, reminded me that my sister said the same as your friend's DS - we moved just before she started secondary so she didn't go to the highly academic girls' grammar I attended but to a (good) comp. She did very well, but still thinks she missed out academically.

I agree entirely that one size doesn't fit all and we definitely will choose the school that suits the child, but it just seems odd to me that they should go to such different schools. We are lucky to have so many choices open to us though, I realise that.

I think is my main worry is that they are very fond of each other now and I don't want them to end up poles apart, socially speaking. I hope that their shared family life will keep them close despite their very different schools.

castille - I can understand your anxiety but it really is true that one size doesnt fit all. It may be helpful for you to look at adult siblings that you know... often they are hugely different from one another, with different careers/interests etc. So it kind of makes sense that they don't need to have gone to the same school. Sorry, don't know if that makes much sense, but it's easy to get hung up about our children as we only see them in the 'here and now' and you have to remember that most of their life is ahead of them!I don't think separate schools necessarily has any effect on how well your children get on either...in some ways, a bit of distance can improve a relationship.

DD1 went to an Independent co-ed school.

DS1 went to the local co-ed High School.

DS2 and DS3 both go to the boys Grammar.

The High school was very good for DS1 but wouldn't have suited any of the others. DD1 was on an Assisted Place so much as I'd have loved to send the others there it wasn't going to happen.

I do think that children should go to the school that suits them, not just the one their sibling goes to.

A problem you might face is that if you're in a grammar/selective area, one DC may get into the grammar, but another, with a marginally lower IQ could well end up in an appalling secondary modern (whatever the 'comprehensives' abutting state grammars call themselves, they're 'secondary moderns'. Even OFSTED picked them up on this!- you cannot cream off the brighter, largely middle-class, well socialised DCs into one school and call the remaindered school a 'comprehensive'.). I know of a woman near here who sends DD1 15 miles on a train to a girls grammar in one county and the other 9 miles on a bus in the opposite direction to a mixed, excellent comp in another county... You are indeed blessed if you have an 'excellent local 'high school'(do we have them in the UK?) to send the non-grammar entrant to'!