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Secondary education

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Motivating Teen to Study

2 replies

ContemplativeCarrotBag · 21/08/2025 09:00

I have a teen who is going into year 11 in September and a toddler daughter.

I wondered if I can have some advice or opinions on exam prep please. I know it's a big day today with it being results day.

My teen won't revise, they refuse to do anything saying they're entitled to a break and im overbearing. They argue and wrap me up until im exhausted. Throw their books away. Then spend all night on video with their girlfriend. (To be honest this behaviour has got worse since she came on the scene.)

They won't do a single page even though they're predicted 3 and 4s and want to go to sixth form. I've tried backing off, bribing, restricting gadgets, it does nothing but make them moody and mean.

At what point do I throw in the towel and say I tried. Their father passed away so isnt on the scene to help and I have no support who can come and speak to them or encourage/motivate etc.

What do I do? Also what do I do if they drop out at 16, I cant afford to support them with the loss of financial help, they eat me out of house and home as it is.

Please can someone help me.

OP posts:
HedgeWitchOfTheWest · 21/08/2025 11:52

Hi, I’m a teacher (though just leaving the profession), but my kid is only 14 so I don’t have the complete experience yet.

I’d say that as with exercise, motivation fluctuates and the teenage brain hasn’t (usually) got the capacity to find that internal motivation so far out from the exams. Instead it’s routine and consistency that will make the difference.

I think you need to sit your teen down and explain that you want him(?) to be successful, and given the mock grades something has to change.

You’ve got to be prepared for this to be hard. He doesn’t yet have the frontal lobe development to manage this himself. On the one hand he’ll probably say yes, he wants your help and support, but then on the other every thing you do he’ll push back against.

If his phone is a big motivator (and the girlfriend), that’s your carrot to dangle. If you can’t physically take it from him, daily, then you’ll need to get onto the parental controls (there’s an app, Aura, that looks good) and lock it down overnight (as a minimum, sleep is so important here), as well as using it as the reward for doing daily, routine homework/revision/prep.

If I were you I’d start moving his wake up and bed time earlier by 5 mins each day until term starts.

You could also start with some light ‘revision’ - sit down and watch a YouTube revision video together (10 mins) each day at tea time or something. Start going over y10 work.

And then when term starts, you make sure homework gets done on the day it’s set, and then at least 30 mins of other revision each day.

Encourage this to happen early in the evening - just after school, and then he can get on to gaming/girlfriend after that.

Make a schedule for a subject per day: English on Monday, maths on Tuesday, etc. And find a section in a workbook or a YouTube video (but this must be engaged with - making notes/doing questions, etc).

Make this happen in a quiet but communal area in the house - in the kitchen while someone is cooking? In a dining room if you have one. And physically take the phone away until he shows you it’s done. To a decent standard.

Expect that he’ll do a poor token effort initially, or maybe once the novelty wears off, and you’ll have to be firm and he’ll be cross. Expect that it’ll go badly at times. But hold the line, he’ll thank you in the end.

Remember that it’s the consistency of the habit that is most important. Homework is first priority, revision is second. Something is better than nothing - it doesn’t have to be hours and hours.

I think this is what I will implement with my DS in September too. Good luck, OP!

Octavia64 · 21/08/2025 12:08

Ok, so first things first.

the government want everyone to stay in education until 18 now.

so colleges offer courses for students at all levels.

if your child gets 6s or above then they can generally go on to a levels or BTECs.

if they get 4s and above they can access vocational level 2 courses - such as catering, bricklaying, music technology and such like.

if they get below that then colleges offer level 1 courses that are usually vocational where if you pass the level 1 course you can move on to the level 2 course.

in addition if you “fail” maths or English (get a 3 or below) you’ll need to resit them at college.

so whatever your child gets there will be a course for them to move onto.

that having been said, obviously it’s good to do as well as you can.

the English and maths are key. Jobs and apprenticeships often want these. So focus on these. Is he likely to pass these?

if not, or if you think it’s possible he won’t, then consider a tutor. Alternative options are:

for maths the revision workbooks are quite good
make sure he has a calculator and knows how to use it
DrFrost maths is also good. Find out what board he is doing and do questions from that.
https://www.drfrost.org/index.php

Dr Frost Learning

Dr Frost provides an online learning platform, teaching resources, videos and a bank of exam questions, all for free.

https://www.drfrost.org/index.php

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