So much stress over results. Is this normal?

[Daboomboom]

I didnt want to derail the other thread (good luck to everyone's young people!) but there are a lot of very over anxious parents and children on there. People being sick, not eaten since yesterday morning, crying etc.

Is this common? I understand some nervousness and that some people will get very stressed but it seems very OTT. Everyone seems supportive of their kids on there (regardless of their grades) but if this stress is "normal" then no wonder lots of children really struggle mentally.

I dont think my parents even knew when my results day was. Obviously that is far from great too. Some children were worried and emotional before their results but on the whole most were fine before hand.

You hear a lot about young adults that get kind of stuck. I wonder if that feeds into parents anxiety over exam results because they don't want to be in that position of trying to get a 22 year old with no job and no idea what to do to launch.

I did my GCSEs in the 2000s and I don't think it was that different.

Well I presume the parents who are less invested aren’t coming into MN to post about how unbothered they are, so you are only seeing one view.

ETA that also tends to show in the results that parents post. The biggest predictor of success is parental involvement, and involved parents tend to be the ones posting, so you see a lot of good grades.

I think this might be a feature.

Combined with then feeding off each others anxiety.

Although I still feel guilty about my results day. I had to really work hard on one subject and I got a C and I was delighted about it. The rest of my grades were A* and A including another subject that the teacher had given up his lunchtimes to teach. He came over to see how I did and all I cared about was the C, not the subject he'd spent so much time with me on. I sort of dismissed his subject. 😳

True. It's good to see parents caring and taking an active interest and also to some degree being nervous. As I said, it generally seems very supportive of their children regardless of grade.

I wont quote anyone but some of the way the parents are going on though is a bit daft. I cant help but wonder how their children are coping with that.

I think it depends on what the child needs for further plans.

I’m very relaxed this morning as DD only needs 4 GCSEs for her next college. It was audition entry rather than academics, and they don’t care if you get a 4 in everything or a 9 in everything.

I would be extremely stressed if she wanted to stay on at her secondary where they need 6x 7-9 including English and Maths.

I do think that as a parent while it's fine to get very emotional about things like this it's important to try and keep that from the kids. Same with things like them starting school, feeling the anxiety and being in tears is fine but you don't want to freak out your kids and pass the anxiety on.

I think it's odd that your parents didn't know when results day was. I did mine in 2000 it wasn't stressful for me because I was a straight A student and would easily meet the requirements for A levels but it was for some of my friends not uni bound trying to get into colleges, or wanting their passes at English and maths to head out looking for jobs.

I suspect it's also got worse now that the requirements for maths and English have got so strict. I have taught children who would be great at A-levels in other subjects, for example, but just can't pass maths. And around here, it's very hard to get onto A-level courses without it. Some of the colleges do resits, but often not combined with A-levels. So the pressure is greater, as it makes much more of a difference to what they want to do.

There’s a difference between being interested, supportive and invested in your child’s education, and being unwell with stress and anxiety, not sleeping /eating and crying before the results come in?

It’s possible (and healthy) to be invested but realising that life doesn’t stop if the results are lower than ideal, and that parents continue to be supportive in finding the best possible path forward in that case.

It has always been stressful. It is very important, now more than ever.

A lot of parents will be using MN to ease their stress so as to appear calm for the DC. I think the results matter much more these days for next steps than years back. I'm using MN as a distraction technique.

I kind of missed the GCSE results stress as both of my DC were awarded CAGs in COVID. A-levels though they sat. DD worked so so hard and was desperate to get into her firm place we were screaming when the UCAS portal updated with her offer. Great day and I don't care if I was judged!

I'm two years off this... and already a little stressed about GCSE English. Iy doesn't matter how good she is at STEM and Geography etc if she can't get the magic 4 in English. And everyone who knows her knows how hard she tries in English.

In a few years GCSES results won't matter but it can be make at beeak at 16.

Something would really have had to go wrong for me to not get onto the course I wanted. Plus, Im quite pragmatic so if something had gone wrong, then I would have had a bit of a cry but by the time I got home, I would have had an idea of what to do next.

So they just assumed all would be fine I think and didnt need to get involved. It was rubbish though. I will definitely be more interested in my children than that!

I also think it depends on the child. I was a huge bag of nerves for DS1 for his GCSE’s (teacher assessed due to Covid) and again his A levels because I knew how much they meant to him and how important it was for what he wanted to do next.
For DS2 who is now about to start Y10, I feel much more relaxed. I want him to do well but he is a completely different child to DS1 who will take a.completely different path so a string of 8’s and 9’s isn’t so vital.

I can understand if they’re border line to getting the required grades. If they’re wanting to go to 6th form and need certain results and they’re not confident then it’s understandable they’re nervous because the results will impact what they can/can’t do.

I think SimoneHere is right. Anything like this tends to attract the overly anxious. I don't think it represents reality. It's the same on the A level and Uni threads. And it's not just Mumsnet. I joined the WhatYouNeedToKnowAboitUni Facebook group and it was crazy. I left it pretty quickly as it was stressing me out so much!!

Unfortunately the current school system has children worrying about "passing or failing" from as young as 5/6 when they do their Yr 1 phonics test.
It's all they know.
"Pass" the phonics test. "Pass" Yr 2 SATs. "Pass" Year 6 SATS.... and that's just primary school.
By GCSEs many teenagers are a bunch of over stressed bundles of nerves.
No wonder EBSR (Emotionally Based School Refusal) and homeschooling is so high.

I felt more stressed about my dc's results than mine, partially because with mine, I knew how they'd gone, and partially because I find it easier to manage my own disappointment than seeing them disappointed.

I try and hide that from the dc though. I'm obviously successful because I said to dd1 this time (ds' a-levels, and last set of results) that I was more nervous than with mine, and she looked at me surprised, and said she'd got the impression through all the results that I wasn't worried at all about the results.

I mentioned to my dm, who I thought similarly wasn't worried - we were actually away when results came out every time, and she said the same.

So your parents may have been more concerned than you were aware.

But also, in my day, getting a job at 16 with little qualifications and working up to a reasonable salaries job was something that was very possible. It's much harder now to even get headfirst job.

The current system is ridiculous- it's turning the kids into wrecks - obsesed with grades but no real depth of knowledge of the subject. Never used to be head line news.
Grades show how good you are at passing exams.
Other kids will be crap at exams but v good at plumbing, hairdressing etc etc.
Apprenticeships should be celebrated too/as much as GCSES.
Both my kids did well but I HATE the hype and the current system.

Might not have been headline news, but in my day all results were in the paper by name. There wasn't an option to opt out.

Do you have children OP?

I will definitely be more interested in my children than that!

well that won’t be hard given your parents seemed utterly disinterested in you

What is actually wrong with you?