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Secondary education

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Move DS to another school or not?

14 replies

Takis · 26/07/2025 13:23

My son has just been given a ehcp, I did this myself as a parental request, it was accepted and he has been issued one. I now want to move his school as I want him in an Sen unit (he is currently in mainstream) he also wanted to move when I started the process until now… he suddenly doesn’t want to move anymore.
The reasons he doesn’t want to move is because he is currently in something called “calm club” at school which is a room with only a few children in more adults and the same consistent adults and he stays there all day playing on a computer or they give him work like “what’s 1 ice cream add 1 ice cream” I’m really not joking on that on either, he is 13! He initially wanted to move when he was in lessons as he hated it and was being bullied badly (he moved class twice and both times was bullied horribly even physically attacked) this is why they moved him into calm club as he was also struggling with the amount of children in class, having to move between classes for each lesson and having a different teacher, he struggled with transition and the children bullying him for being different.

Now to him all these problems have been “solved” as he is in calm club but calm club isn’t permanent, he is expected to go back to lessons. He doesn’t understand this he is autistic and he is very black and white so now he doesn’t want to move.

I want an Sen unit but his school doesn’t have one or I’d be happy for him to stay there (well it does but it’s only for girls) so what do I do? Do I override him and say I want the unit instead? I have to put what my preference is on his ehcp. He will have to go back to lessons eventually then I think it will all fall apart again as that’s where the problems came from so I fought hard for his ehcp so I could get him somewhere more suitable.

OP posts:
Michele09 · 26/07/2025 13:28

I would apply for him to go elsewhere. Can you ask a member of staff to explain to him Calm Club is only temporary so he doesn't think you are making it up as a reason to move him?

Takis · 26/07/2025 13:36

I think he knows but it’s more he can’t really think past the here and now if that makes sense and he is only basing not wanting to move on the fact he enjoys school as it is now. He has been in calm club since January so it has been a long time and I think he’s probably got use to the way it is now. I will try to speak to the staff to see if they can help thanks.

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Takis · 26/07/2025 19:36

Bumping for more advice as need to decide by Tuesday

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Ddakji · 26/07/2025 19:43

You’re the parent, you make the decision. It’s too big a decision to be left to a 13 year old.

Takis · 26/07/2025 19:52

Yeah I know I just don't want him to hate me or refuse to go

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grumpyoldeyeore · 26/07/2025 19:56

He’s not learning there so it’s daycare. I had a similar experience with a special school. DS was happy as there were no demands and the staff were well meaning, but he deserves to be educated not just babysat so I moved him. Some Sen kids cope better with a quick move - I only told DS very soon before the move when it was definite as longer waits / uncertainty make him more anxious. His knee-jerk reaction to anything new is to say no so sometimes I have to override that or he’d miss out on everything life has to offer.

Ddakji · 26/07/2025 19:57

Takis · 26/07/2025 19:52

Yeah I know I just don't want him to hate me or refuse to go

Hating your parents is part and parcel of being a teen so that shouldn’t stop you from making what you know to be the right decision. I don’t know how to handle these things with an autistic teen but basically it’s not up for discussion, but you will be there to support him completely with the move that you know to be in his best interests long term, and he has to trust you on that.
I would try not to get involved in long discussions or justifications.
(DD isn’t autistic but we moved her at the end of Year 9 and while we listened to her we made it very clear that it was ultimately our decision.)

Hercisback1 · 26/07/2025 19:58

How is he academically? The calm club doesn't seem to be teaching him much and I'd worry he won't fulfil his potential.

Could you look round some SEN units?

It's a tricky time to move, but you want him moved before Y10 if you're going to move him.

Takis · 26/07/2025 20:05

We have 15 days from the draft to decide but I'm confident this is a better school. It's highly recommended in the area. He is working at a year 4 level and he says the kids in the calm club get to watch YouTube all day.

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Michele09 · 26/07/2025 20:13

Working at yr 4 level and watching YouTube probably gives you your answer if you want education rather than babysitting.

Karatema · 26/07/2025 20:25

What area are you in because getting into a SEN unit is easier said than done!
My DGS has been out of school for 6 months waiting for an appropriate school; he hasn’t been offered one!

Takis · 26/07/2025 20:28

yeah definitely no guarantee but I need to add my preference im going to add the SEN unit and see. We are in London.

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Iloveloveisland · 26/07/2025 20:33

Your job is to make decisions he has not got the experience, maturity and insight to make.

Takis · 30/07/2025 16:02

Just an update, I put my preference on his ehcp and they’ve responded today saying they don’t consult with Sen units and that’s for a panel to decide and it’s the summer holidays so they won’t be able to consult with any schools so they finalised the plan and listed his current school?! Is this standard practice as I thought they had to at least consult with the school of preference but they haven’t 😩 my son will be delighted but I’m not!

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