London - small private with full bursary or v good, oversubscribed state secondary?

[NooNooMummy]

My state-primary child has a place for both. Single-sex. Don’t know what to do for the best. Both have pros and cons. How would you choose?

How small is the private? Financially viable?
Is the nursery guaranteed until Y11? Y13?

If you're happy with the finances, then which one has the ethos, method of teaching and set up which would suit you DS best?

Academic challenge
Travelling distance
Extra curricular
Friends

How many years is the bursary guaranteed for?
Could you afford it if at one point his bursary was reduced or cancelled?

Very school dependant. Smaller private schools are still either disappearing or being merged with larger ones.

Check the financial situation of the private school if possible, and weigh the pros and cons of private versus state schools. Remember that private schools, even with a full bursary, might have extra costs that aren’t covered. If private education is within your budget, it’s worth considering. If it’s not affordable, state schools combined with tutors or online resources can provide a cost-effective alternative for quality education.

If you don't mind saying which private school, people will be able to give better advice. And what is the reason for private eg highly academic, neurodiversity, social difficulties, whatever - this makes a difference to which schools would be worth spending money on.

She has a full bursary

Sorry, yes, you did say. I apologise for not reading properly! It is still true, though, that there is a massive range of schools and some are excellent and some not particularly different from a good comprehensive in terms of teaching and results.

What is your reluctance to use the private you have a place at, given that you've been through all the exams etc?

My daughter had a places at good girls' private schools and a good girls' grammar. We chose based on curriculum and on where we felt she would have lots of intellectual peers.

A mum i know got one daughter into a sw London private girls' school on a scholarship. Trouble was, they couldn't keep up with the other girls who had highly affluent lifestyles - clothing allowances, expensive holidays etc.

This mum was from an upper class background but had no money.

It's not easy being in that situation.

Her sister went to a state school and had a much nicer experience.

This is what I fear👆
probably a big thing is that, until recently, it was all about getting into the state school. The private was just in case nothing else worked out.

Don’t give the bursary offering school name here.

But it would be helpful if you could list the pros and cons of each, @NooNooMummy.

This hasn't been our experience at all. There are plenty of normal families whose children are living normal lives, albeit at a rather expensive school. It is a minority who are ultra-rich and have unlimited cash to splash.

Everything is relative I guess. This was a single parent family with limited funds so v difficult to take part in anything social.

I genuinely don't understand this. What were they doing that the daughter could not take part in? The social stuff that DD has done at weekends and holidays with her schoolfriends has been exactly the normal stuff that any teenager does - cinema, gigs, parks, shopping etc. Maybe other schools are different.

Actually, good point. They’d have to be mean, rich kids and parents to make someone feel left out/ less than. And that could happen at a state school. In this case neither school seems mean in that way. In fact, both are exceptionally inclusive, kind and uplifting of everyone. Doesn’t make my dilemma any easier! 🙂

I really appreciate everyone’s input. Thank you

Has your DD expressed a preference?

My DD got an 80 percent nursery at a good independent school and mad friends with a Chinese girl. Sh came to stay with us at half terms as too far to fly home for a week. In the summer break my DD was invited to go to China for a month to stay with her friend and her family insisted on paying for all flights. She had a wonderful time and years later they are still firm friends. She also has a Spanish friend she sees reasonably frequently too and often stayed with us for a couple of weeks in the summer when she was at school. I helped her with her A level English. I proof read everything before she handed it in. My DD fitted in well and made many friends. She couldn't always go on the big ski trips but not all the girls went. They had a second hand uniform shop I used too.

I genuinely wouldn’t worry about this at all. As long as your daughter can go and get a McDonald’s now and again/ go to the cinema etc she’ll be fine. Kids REALLY don’t care about assessing others’ wealth. Or at least the vast majority don’t!

I would just be sure your income isn’t going to change, as if it increases then they can make a pretty swingeing cut to the bursary which can be devastating and hard to finance. Speaking from bitter experience!

Look at the subjects available for GCSE/AL in both , are they subjects the child would want to study . Which provides the better option for your child. Both small private schools and increasingly larger state schools are sometimes not offering a wide range of subjects, indeed some subjects such as Latin or Greek have almost disappeared from state schools, closely followed by MFL, harder sciences, music…..

There are a lot of tales of bursaries being withdrawn. Is this a risk?

Checking the bursary is guaranteed is a key issue.

otherwise - where does she want to go?