Year 7 - 2025 to 2026 - first time at BIG school

[Jellyjellyonaplate]

Hi,

Anyone else got a year 6 soon to be year 7? I enjoyed reading some of the support thread for the current year 7s and thought it might be nice to make one for the coming year.

My DD is starting at a girls grammar where she knows no-one. It gets good results and I'm sure will be a much faster pace than her village primary that she is used to!

Hopefully she hangs in there and will make some friends. We've bought some uniform (ouch so expensive) and worked out the buses (we will have to give her a lift to the bus stop). Now researching a computer tablet which they need to have. It needs to be compatible with Teams, apparently android is which seems surprising.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Jelly

Yes really stressful. Pretty awful today

Yes she has really. Got worse when it went online in COVID. Then it stayed online. But then school got rid of homework altogether. Which I was happy to do. So we haven't had to worry about it so much till now

Interesting as all through Primary School mine had CGP English and Maths books weekly and Reading nightly.

My DD has always had huge issues with doing anything like homework, tidying, or following through on any kind of hobby etc. We try to make sure it's a habit and once we're in the habit of it that helps a lot. We just ignore any tantrums as they just get prolonged if you try to talk her down. She is being assessed for ADHD soon.

Our primary didn’t do homework -apart from reading after the SATs - so it’s been quite the shock!!!!

I keep calm (mostly) but she needs me there with her in order to do it. Beside her. She can't calm down though. She needs help to calm down. She needs a hard hug (that pressure is it?)
She might have ADHD
I lost it a bit tonight ☹️
I'm finding high school hard. Is that bad?

@Darren2134 we had homework from school in theory but instead we used Doodle Maths and she had a maths tutor who also gave homework. We just ignored the school homework partly because it was so hard to find on their app. But a daily habit of that when we built it up helped a lot.
I've just been away for work for a week and DH has totally let it slide though "I forgot" and she's been really grumpy about doing it.

@purpleme12 I would say if she needs you there it might be a bit hard. But we give hints rather than help. Ask her to explain in her own words, or get her to read the problem out.
If you can start off with her and kind of move around the room after a bit so you aren't sitting with her that might wean her off.
If you always stay with her when she calms down then like the baby who can't sleep on their own she's not learning to calm herself down, and you may be prolonging it. We made this mistake with DS (who also has ADHD) and now we step away or even shut the door.

Yes but I've tried that and still try it.
It makes it worse
if I can get help for her to regulate herself that would be better for her yes. So she can self soothe. It's like she can't self soothe. She needs that hard pressure to calm herself down.

If you aren't consistent, though, she will be learning that if she keeps on tantrumming you will come and give her a hug, a reward for getting angry at having to do homework.

A tantrum is a bit insulting. If they were tantrums it would be a lot easier to deal with and nip in the bud. And a reward for getting angry - You've really misunderstood what's happening with her and what happens in these situations.

Perhaps I misjudged and shouldn't have posted about this

My DD lies on the floor, screams and kicks if asked to do something she doesn't want to do. Not every time but she did it when she was told she couldn't have sweets IN THE SUPERMARKET, aged 11.
I have experienced exactly what you are talking about. It is totally age inappropriate but it is a tantrum. Other children find homework or tidying their room hard to the point of frustration and even tears but they do not lie on the floor kicking and screaming.
If we pay attention to the tantrums they last longer.
The same is true of any aggressive behaviour. DS throws things or kicks if he's frustrated except that he doesn't do it any more because we don't respond. So he now expresses that it's difficult in much more age appropriate ways.
We aren't there with DD, but we're getting there. I can assure you that attention prolongs this and unless you're willing to listen to advice you won't see any improvement.

Wow

You know nothing about the problems and challenges we have. I have given the tiniest snapshot of one particular situation in this thread. It's not helpful to assume that all our problems come from me giving attention when I shouldn't and not dealing with it right.
You can't assure me of anything unless you're here and know everything about what's going on.

I'm really glad that it's a black and white situation for your child so that you can solve it

It is irrelevant what the origin of the problem is. Behaviour will increase if you pay attention to it and decrease if you don't.

Ok

It's been one month since the start of term. How's everyone getting on?

@purpleme12 that sounds incredibly stressful for both you and your DD. I don't know your circumstances but I know for us that my DD having huge difficulty doing homework was an early sign of ASD. It was in Covid and I remember we spent hours trying to do 5 simple questions. It made her so anxious that she couldn't cope at all. I'm not sure I have any answers but you have my full sympathy. It's tough!!

We've only just started having issues with homework here. They had none for the first 2 weeks then it's ramped up. On Monday morning I found out from the million and one class WhatsApps that she had a geography project to hand in on Weds which needed a lot of work. Then it turned out she also had a science project also due in on Weds. They were both supposed to take 2 hours but took longer. The science one she did on Monday night, with my help to get her to focus. Then on Tuesday night my husband helped her do a project about islands. She chose Denmark (??!) which I seem to remember is connected to Germany and not an island at all??? It was a bit of a disaster zone and the shoddiest piece of work she's done in years. She wrote about 10 lines of text on the whole A3 size poster and drew two simple maps in 1 colour.

Anyhow the really good thing about it is it's helped me to be far less worried about her homework. Her teacher rolled her eyes and said that Denmark isn't an island but apart from they there seem to have been no repercussions. My husband reckons all homework is a waste of time which isn't helping us to help her get into good habits!

I think the problem was she was looking at what needed to be completed soon, and ignored the two massive projects with a longer deadline until they were suddenly v v near!

Hope everyone else's kids are doing OK after a month. I think my DD is settling, she had a small birthday party today with her school friends and they all had lots of fun.

No homework yet here, I think it will start next week, I'm anticipating tears but she's used to doing it for her maths tuition and she uses Doodle Maths and Duolingo in theory every day so I'm planning to just get her to do a bit every day (her tutor work is only one a week but that's how she likes to do that one).

Good luck with the start of homework next week. How are friendships going?

I think my DD is really lucky, she's got a little group of friends already. It is such a huge contrast to primary school where she didn't seem to gel with any of the other girls. I'm aware it could all change but for now I'm just happy it's going well

@purpleme12 I hate to read that you feel you shouldn’t have posted here! It’s sounds incredibly stressful for you all and seeking advice is the way forward.

We know our kids best but we also can’t solve everything alone. Has she been to the pastoral care team for her anxiety sxs? Is she only like this for homework and no other settings? She could easily learn the best skills for her w an experienced clinician.

Going from little homework, to none to lots would bring on anxiety for most ppl, esp w the pressure of succeeding & upping the difficulty levels. Your Primary school didn’t do the pupils any favour by not preparing them-ours was the exact opposite- they mimicked Y7 from the start of Y6!

You don’t have to do it alone & I hope it gets easier

Freddie has been getting lots of homework since day 1 they usually get 4-7 days to complete it and it's every subject bar PE .Apparently his English teacher handed 4 pupils lunchtime detentions because they failed to do her Homework on time .