Daughter too shy to ask questions in class

[missl1]

Hello wise people of Mumsnet,
My daughter is in year 7. She's just done her end-of-year exams and hasn't done that well, unfortunately, esp. in science. She said she doesn't understand it. When I asked her why she didn't ask questions, she said she's too shy/ scared to. She is quite shy by nature. And it feels like the transition to a new school with up to 32 in a class (compared to 16 in a class at her non-in-demand primary school) has exacerbated the issue. How do I help her improve in confidence enough to ask questions? I worry if she can't get over this hurdle, she'll run the risk of falling further behind. Any ideas or similar experiences welcome.

As a child who grew up shy, I found that label towards me made me feel like I was put in a box and it made it harder to come out of it.
I just felt that’s how everyone saw me and like I couldn’t be anything different.

I think getting your daughter to perhaps start a hobby that involves some sort socialising - could be anything.
Then strong affirmations regularly also to build confidence.

I think shyness in children is very common, I have grown out of it with age - though would class myself now as more of a reserved person.

The profession I do now is all around people and requires good social skills! Which I’ve gained, learned with experience.
I also never really thrived at school though there is so much education past school, ways to get into universities through college etc

Im sure your daughter will do fine with support, love and encouragement x

a tutor; to help master content and to help with when and how to ask questions.

Email her teacher, say following her end of term report, you have asked your dd if she is having trouble in science, and then explain the problem. A good teacher will help her, include and encourage her more. Ensure she understands concepts.

Plus what @Natureearthlove said. Try to find something she enjoys so much she socialises without thinking about it. Dance? gymnastics? Art?

Would you ask questions in front of 32 people? Every time you didn't understand? Probably not especially if it's a subject you struggle to grasp

I think your best bet here is either get a tutor or sit with her once a week and run through what they've covered and go over anything she hasn't fully understood. We do this with my dc. Schools can't keep on top of individual progress very easily between assessments so you need to be checking in regularly.

Asking questions in class in front of the class is not the only way to get information. She should be learning to seek answers in course materials and online. You can help her with this and if you are not capable, you could ask for help from her teacher, hire a tutor, or our local library even offers a homework support session a few times a week.

At my daughter’s school the teachers also hold office hours. This is a good time for students who need to come ask about something in a different setting, to get topics clarified.

My s1 daughter has selective mutism so mostly doesn’t speak in class. It’s even harder in classes she finds challenging - for us it’s maths. Every single week we get extra worksheets home and I do them with her. When this starts to be challenging I’ll find a tutor to join us. So I think it’s better to work on the subject. Perhaps when she’s more confident about her abilities she’ll be able to raise her hand, but perhaps not. Either way she will know what she needs to for assessments.

It depends what not doing well marks are, some families anything below 80% is a problem and for others it is below 50%. I would double check if it is not understanding the topics or not understanding how to answer the exam questions. Spend summer holiday in small sessions 15 mins daily reviewing the topics that need more focus. Science in secondary schools have quite a bit of Maths so maybe see if those are where the marks are being dropped.

I used to tell my students that if they needed to ask a question so did others in the class. Is it possible for her to ask the teacher after the lesson? Otherwise, yes, a tutor to go over work. However, the one criticism of DD going through grammar school was that she never asked questions and never joined in discussions. She is now Head of Communications for a charity.

I’d have hoped a parent would email me about this when I was teaching. I would have then provided the pupil with some extra material to read and/or would have made sure to pop over a few times in the lesson to make sure she fully understood (but without drawing attention to her).
It’s hard as a teacher with a class of 30plus kids. Kids will tell you they get it when they don’t because they don’t want the extra attention.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies.

It's well below 50% and significantly lower than her closest friends and I can tell it bothers her.

We've bought some 10-min daily science workouts, which we'll do at home from now 'til the end of year to try and catch up/ build confidence.

And we'll try and get some time in with the teacher. We only got 4mins over Zoom earlier in the year. Secondary school just seems so much harder to navigate as you never really meet or see any of the teachers IRL and they (probably understandably) don't openly share contact details/ ways of getting in touch. I'll call the office to find out how.

DD is quite outgoing out of the classroom. We've been completely surprised and proud of how she's transitioned to this massive school - the only one from her primary school. She's made a good circle of friends and is putting herself forward for lunchtime groups and clubs and after school activities.

It's just in the classroom she seems to wobble in confidence.

My son is similar - and barely says anything in class unless directly questioned.

Would getting a set of books like these help her to work through the topics and some questions at home? I've deliberately picked a book that covers the whole of KS3, as school may well do things in a different order to a Y7 assumed book.

Basically, we help him at home, as he won't ask for help at school!