PTSD as a result of school appeals process

[Lenart]

Anyone else in this position. My daughter was denied a place at secondary school in our small town. She was the only one in her class and split from all her friends- transition days I had to pull her out of school so she wasn't sat in the class on her own while everyone else went to the school she was excluded from. The school refused to give us information on distances and communication was just awful- no compassion and made me feel like I was the one out of order- Kids on our street have always gone to the local school so it was a complete and utter shock. I gave so much evidence of kids much further away than us getting a place- but the school just lied- the panel was not from this area so took the word of the school over mine.. We now feel like lepurs in our town completely isolated. I no longer have anything in common with my old school mum pals and actually feel quite traumatised in their company. I can't walk past the school. I know for certain proper procedure was not followed and feel completely wronged and helpless- they know this too but the cover up and lies rather than admitting a mistake is shocking. There is no one left to appeal to and even if they were offered a place now I don't want anything to do with the school. The problem is I just can't move on. I have had PTSD previously due to childhood trauma and the symptoms now feel exactly the same. To be fair my daughter is coping much better than me so if course keeping a brave face but inside I am screaming.

I agree with this. Last year, my son went through a similar situation. He was denied to the secondary school most of his friends were going. He was the only one from his class going to another school which isnt the most popular. Of course we were very disappointed and frustrated. My DS felt very emotional and cried on the last day of Y6. I was heartbroken and felt like a failure as a parent, but DH told me not to show this in front of our DS as it would only make him feel worse.

We told him that is life, sometimes things dont go as the way we wish. I talked to him about how I felt when I had to part from my friends in life in many occasions. I told him to continue to be a good student and good person and he will make new friends.

He has done really well in Y7 at his new school. He made fi
riends in the first two weeks. I remainded contact with some of his old friends parents from Y6. We organise a play date each term so the boys can get together again from time to time.

You need to look at this in a positive way. Yes it is unfortunate but its not the end of the world. Take it as a learning opportunity for your child to learn to deal with difficult times, cope his emotions, adjust to a new environment and make the most of it, because in our lives there will likely to be far worse situations. Being poaitive is really important to lead a happy life.

Have I?

I feel for you OP as in a similar position I was, like a previous poster, absolutely blindsided. I didn’t really eat or sleep for over a week and it took me ages to stop bursting into tears over it. It was like bereavement, down to cycling through the five stages of grief.

Where are you now with the process OP? it sounds like you have unsuccessfully appealed?

What were the admissions criteria and what makes you believe they have not been followed? You say children from further away have been admitted - is that in previous years or this year?

What’s the waiting list situation?

Emotionally speaking it sounds like you might need some help processing this. How recently did you get the appeal outcome? I’m a few weeks past the outcome and starting to feel a lot more accepting of it now.

I imagine your DD is picking up on your reaction rather then having one of her own, HUGE projection on your part.
Part of a parents job is to try and help our Dc be resilient and deal with things we can't change and you sound like you have made things worse.
IF you think there has been a break down of the appeals process or school has lied then tak things further but in the meantime stay as calm as possible and prepare your child for the school they will probably be going to

First of all, why on earth do you think she would have been sat on her own in class all day? What a ridiculous assumption!
when you say the school ‘refused to give you distances’, what exactly do you mean? Which school? Did you have actual proof that the admissions criteria wasn’t applied correctly?
If your DD not getting a place in the school you wanted her to go to has given you PTSD I suggest you seek support from your GP. This is a complete overreaction.

I think you are misreading this - OP says her daughter is coping OK, and OP is putting a brave face on it for her daughter. It’s OP who is struggling.

I get it - as a parent you are able to look further ahead than the DC who are more focused in the here-and-now, so the implications probably feel more acute.

Also going through an appeal is hard work and fraught.

The extent to which OP is struggling might be extreme, but having just gone through this myself I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.