Year 11 - 2024/2025: Heading down the home straight towards that finish line!

[QueenMabby]

Next thread. 10 days of exams to go. Looks like we’re all heading into a busy week this week - good luck!

Aww @Sisublondie Don't beat yourself up about it, you did nothing wrong. This is the life with teenagers, especially at such stressful times like this. Nothing we do is right! Hope his mood softens and you have a good day at the school event tomorrow.

@Sisublondie - honestly we all
do stuff like this - it’s part of living with teenagers or maybe just independent minded other humans - It will blow over , you did nothing wrong - tomorrow is another day

@Sisublondie I honestly wouldn't worry too much, I hard this phrase recently; "All mothers have one child they try really hard not to piss off!" I am constantly walking a tightrope trying not to embarrass DD2, as most things could (apparently) be perceived as "mortifying", depending on the day (and the weather, and how her hair looks, and what's for dinner... you get the idea!)

AQA Higher Chemistry 2 was "decent" today, according to DD2. Today her teacher announced, just before the exam, that she hadn't passed her Chemistry GCSE, so not to worry too much...

Stats paper 2 was "really good actually, a lot more Maths and less words than paper 1". She was mortified though, as the kids were kept waiting outside the hall for 20 minutes and the teacher announced it was because they were having to print off one exam on coloured paper - she was the only student not using white paper. She said the exam paper was still warm when she sat down! At least this one was on blue paper, at the start of exams she had a couple that weren't and it's "far too embarrassing" to put up her hand and ask for the correct one. 🙄

Agree with everyone else @Sisublondie it wasn't about the photo. It's so hard when you're in it with them even if you know that logically, it's still hurtful. Here's hoping peace descends on him and the household soon x

Sisublondie, hope you're okay, you must have felt relieved that he seemed okay and happy with chatting to the teachers and up for a photo so thought you had the green light to capture it as a positive memory of his end of school time. I would have done exactly the same!

I happened to catch a snippet of an interesting interview a couple of days ago.. I saw a clip of the Ginny and Georgia actresses and "Ginny - Antonia Gentry" said, she gave her mum a lot more slack and started to handle situations with more grace when it dawned on her that this was her mum's first experience of life too; she hadn't had a rehearsal, wasn't an expert so her mum's handling of Antonia's teenage years were really winging as much as she was (actually she put it more articulately but that's the idea). So, hopefully, one day (soonish), our kids will just see our mistakes of occasionally mis-reading a room come from a good place.

DS said chemistry AQA higher was okay. V disappointed that chromatography didn't come up as I think he could answer that in his sleep. However, on checking, he has made some obvious silly mistakes and dropped marks so thinks has done enough for a 5, Brucie bonus for 6.

Ha ha ha ha

@OhCrumbsWhereNow DD went to Sabrina Carpenter for her 16th and she goes to a lot of concerts (live near London) and it was the most expensive of them all (including Taylor Swift)

Ds2 said chemistry was his best paper yet. Just physics and Spanish now.

Well, @BreakfastClub80, @Tiswa, @newmum1976, @DataColour, @Timetochangeagaint, @OliveWahand @CocoPlum….. thank you so very much. You have made me smile through my tears. And, @OliveWah? I have NEVER heard that saying! And, yep, DS16 is that one child I try really hard not to piss off 🫣🙄. That is my new mantra 💖.

I had not even thought that it might not be “ just the photo”, but it absolutely makes sense, as I’ve said previously, he’s been dreading today for weeks. But, he handled it all so beautifully, even being civil to other children who have not treated him the same in the past ( luckily his current main bully did not “try anything”). I was so proud of him.
I was just thinking, the last thing he said before The Incident was “ it’s strange to say, but I’m going to miss this place somehow”. Also, tho, I had to turn my car round to leave ( it was parked literally right next to the year group) and he’d asked to sit in the back of the car, “ because its tinted and no one can see me leave”… So, it’s likely he was feeling very emotional, he’d chosen to leave
quickly, so he’d reached his breaking point, he’d just fist bumped my friend who is a teacher there from the rear of the car, and if I hadn’t pushed my luck, thought “ Oh my God! He’s in a great mood!! He’s let me take two photos of him with a teacher! It’s his last day at school EVER! We HAVE to get a photo of us to commemorate it!!”, then maybe it would have been completed unscathed, or perhaps something else might have pissed him off? I’ll never know. His big bro just got back from work and went in his room to see how Chem went….. I did overhear bits….. he kept interrupting the exam chat to bring it back to “ so, yeh, then Mum bloody took a bloody photo despite…….”, DS18 kept trying to get back onto exam / whoo hoo, last day chat, to no avail, tho. I know I annoy them both in my liking to take photos. My best friend of 20 years died unexpectedly suddenly two years ago, and I feel panicky if I don’t take photos of things I don’t want to forget/ want to have memories of as it was only after she died I realised I only have about ten photos of us together… So, yes, I’ve got form for taking photos of them. I just really wish I hadn’t let my guard down and relax because I was so astonished he had stayed for the event and was seemingly enjoying it ( however briefly). Annyyywwayyyy… sorry! I’ve droned on- again!

Thank you so much for taking the time to send me a pep talk! 😻x. I hope you’re all having a good Final Friday chillax vibe eve 🤩…!

@Sisublondie you poor thing! As others said, he was probably using all his strength to get through the leavers event and you got the brunt of his pent up frustration. Our children take it out on us because they trust us and know it wont affect our love for them, even if we feel like drop kicking them out of the window at times! Not even close, but DD got on my nerves earlier today because I had to take and delete about 20 photos of the back of her, showing off her signed shirt because her hair was “ugly” - I was thinking for f’s sake, just let me take the damn photo already 🤨🤣

Enjoy a nice glass of wine if that’s your thing, and if it is, enjoy one for me because I’ve been roped in to picking up DD and her friend from this party tonight so can’t drink! I won’t even risk one because perimenopause really affects how I metabolise alcohol 🙄

Oh joy 🙈 we got very lucky with Taylor but some prices are insane.

I’m also currently debating selling her on eBay…

ADHD child who “forgot” her meds on shirt signing/end of school day and is already over emotional and distraught about leaving is lots of fun for a train journey. Nothing I say helps 🤯

I have said meds are not optional after Monday - for my sanity if no one else’s.

DD said the chemistry paper was very similar to the 2018 paper.

@Sisublondie I really feel for you. As Dagnabit said though, you didn’t do anything wrong. He had probably just reached the point where all the emotion and stress of the day, plus masking, plus being sociable bubbled over. If it hadn’t been the photo, it would most like have just been a different trigger. He needed to let it all out and aimed it at you because he is secure in the knowledge that you will always be there for him and love him unconditionally.

Been there, done that soooo many times with ds1. It was always me too, never dh or one of his siblings. I can’t remember the last time it happened though so, in ds’s case, maturity definitely seemed to help.

It’s a very complex, odd thing leaving a school where they have been bullied and unhappy. Despite all the negative feelings, there is still a degree of security in the routine and predictability of the school itself, how things works and generally just knowing what’s what. Leaving outs you on a cliff edge, with absolutely no idea what to expect from the next stage of your life. It’s confusing enough for NT kids, let alonE those with complex needs like ours.

He will calm down and come good once he’s had some space and time to process it all.

Dd said AQA Combined Higher Chemistry was decent enough and she was particularly pleased that her wild guess at one of the questions she had no idea turned out to be right. She wasn't impressed that here was a topic on the paper that wasn’t actually on the curriculum though.

Just Physics and Music to go here.

Reading with interest the post GCSE reward ideas and thanking my lucky stars that dd is quite eclectic and not at all mainstream in her music taste, (a lot punk, some solo acoustic, some folk and folk-punk). That means most gigs are usually small and cheap. Also dh and I have similar taste, so he’s happy to accompany her and her friends to gigs. Dd1 has the same music taste but, like me, can only manage gigs very occasionally and with a lot of support. They are all currently sitting in the living room playing guitars and singing along. I have escaped to the back room with the dog to nurse my emerging migraine.

Dd’s reward for studying will have to be be our joint party. Unfortunately we can’t afford any gifts, but my parents will give her some money on results day, so she won’t be too hard done by.

@Sisublondie i can only echo the others, I’m sure it’s a pile up of all the emotions of leaving school, the bullies and the exams that caused the reaction, not you. I think at this point in the exams they are all tired and drained and with the extra things going on today it’s just got overwhelming. And as the person he’s most secure with you’ve taken the brunt. Hope you’re ok and things settle down

@OliveWah for me that is definitely year 7 DS

@SilverSnaffles normally it isn’t too bad Gracie Abrams/Tate McCrae/Lorde and anything else she goes to is £60 a ticket for the 02 but the dynamic pricing for Sabrina was insane.
it was the same price as Liverpool hospitality!

DD has had enough physics is her least favourite science and she hates Spanish and can’t see the point of further maths

Thanks all for your kind wishes this morning. So very relieved, he made it into the exam hall and was fine. I was so pleased for him.

A very mixed response from him and his peers on the actual paper.

The further through this we have got the more I have thought it’s such a bloody ridiculous system. On Monday it will be his 26th exam. All designed with something like a 41% failure rate. It’s utter madness.

Any DS had a lovely afternoon out with friends and then to the cinema. Work tomorrow (paid) then a bit of physics Sunday hopefully.

@CakeFace1234.. as I’ve seen on other threads, THIS! Precisely! That is totally how I felt. It was as if my head only thought “a photo of us both together will make this the most perfect leaving day I could never have dreamt of happening” for a nano second, then, BOOM!! 💥 It imploded! I’m happy, tho, that you said you would have done the same .. comforting, knowing it’s not just me 😸…

I haven’t watched Ginny and Georgia yet- now, I absolutely want to! The interview, tho, also……. that is SO very interesting… I had literally never thought about it, that way, before. Because, I guess, we ARE all winging it, to some extent. Sometimes I’m amazed my boys are actually still here, so much at the start seemed trial and error 🙄😈😹!
None of us want to upset our DC and I find it the worst pain ever, even you inadvertently do. Today has been horrific. I really hope that (soonish) DS will see how I misread the room and realise there wasn’t anything nefarious in it.
We have spoken tonight and he let me apologise, which was amazing after being persona non grata for hours and hours. DS18 found me crying hiding away doing laundry and went to speak to DS16….. paving the way for DS16 to come to me and let me talk. He’s not seen me cry really so I tried to explain. We had a very long long long chat about his bullying, and he explained the trauma of today, but how he feels it went for him- his treating /acknowledging his bullies with kindness…. I told him how proud I am of him for being the better man than them.

Thank you for your so very lovely kind words earlier 🤗

@Dagnabit.. her “ hair was ugly”…🤷‍♀️🙀😳😹! .. sorry, that really has made me laugh! Yep, I’d be with you! And, I bet they all looked super almost identical! With only a hair out of place ( pun not intended!)!. I hope she got the perfect shot in the end…… and no necessity for “ drop kicking her out of the window” ( more smiles- thanks!)!.

You gave what is most probably the perfect summary… he was probably exhausted by the days events- let alone all the bloody GCSE’s 🙄🙀… and I gave him the perfect excuse to blow off steam.. in a weird way, it allowed him to open up to me, more than he had done for a long time…

I had a nice cold glass of wine for you! 🤩.. yes, I’m the same ! I’m too scared to risk one and drive ( luckily DS18 staying at his mates ).. damn hormones! I hope pick up of DD and her friend and the party went well 🥳! Thank you, again 🤗

@SilverSnaffles.. Thank you for saying you understand. It’s horrible, isn’t it, as a parent, that split second when you know you’ve messed up and you just want to scream STOP!!!✋ REWIND!!!⏪.. Because in that situation second you know you are going to face a lot of crap in order to put it right.

Oh, yes, totally! Zero way would he kick off at DH, and even less chance with big bro. In fact, he openly told DS18 that he was the only person he would listen to, in terms of revision- how much/what method/literally everything….( I was about to knock to enter with a snack, not knowing DS18 had popped in)… it’s very sweet how he respects him so much. He goes off to Uni in September, and I do defo think that it preying on his mind. He went travelling to South America for four months recently… came back early as a surprise…….. DS16 sobbed when DS18 knocked on his bedroom door…. so much so, me and DH retreated with the camera phone!

I had never, ever thought about what you said about how bullying provided him with a degree of security. We have had a long chat tonight. DS18 went to talk to him about finding me upset…. so we were able to talk and it’s been lovely.. he lay on my bed to chat, and we spoke for ages…. He has said previously that “bullying is his reality and norm”… I was so proud of how he behaved today ( the irony of my being cross at my own) … I had never considered that he is so damn used to it, he probably has scant ideas how he will try to make friends/avoid attracting bullies at his new college … “ his reality “ has been like a poisoned chalice, I guess? ( I think I’ve used that correctly 🤞).

It is extremely reassuring that your DS1 had similar “episodes” and come through it at the other end….. thank you for sharing that and thank you so much for your lovely post… I guess I am the sounding board ( I’m seemingly full of cliches tonight!) for him and I wouldn’t change it for the world 😻… 🙏 🤗

@Eccle80.. thank you so much for your post…. I think also the stress of the day from my point of view ( being instructed by him to pick him up early, so he could avoid the bullies, then him wanting to stay for a bit as he’d come out of the building to see me unexpectedly there, chatting to a couple of teachers I know) has affected how I’ve dealt with what happened…… been incredibly upset ( not in front of him), catastrophising and beating myself up had made things worse.

We have had a very long, much needed chat, and I am amazed at how much he has matured recently! It was so, so lovely. I don’t want to say the pay off was worth it, but certainly, it laid bare how he is feeling right now, and more of an insight as to how all the elations, emotions and everything flooding round his beautiful brain are affecting him. I’m hoping we can move on from this. He has said he will still come to the school event with me tomorrow, so, phew 🙄…

🙏 🤗

Hey- it is, indeed utter madness!! Driving us insane here! There have to be viable alternate…

Happy to hear he made it to the exam room on time, and he thought it ok 😸

@Libre2.. just reread yours.., I hope he did think the exam was ok, as well as being ok there. Hope the movie went well, work ok tomorrow ( well, today, now!), and he can do a bit of physics Sunday 😸

Last weekend of revision! What a relief! Dd just has a few past papers scheduled for the weekend and no actual “learning” revision. I’m really proud of the way she’s balanced her revision through this period. I was a bit worried that she’d be highly stressed and cramming all hours (she’s been the type before now) but actually she’s kept herself pretty stable with only the odd wobble here and there. Regardless, we are all going to breathe a huge sigh of relief when they’re over.

Just wanted to say @Sisublondie that my year 11 DS has had similar experiences at school and a lot of what you have said has resonated ! My DS is immature with slight SEN and just seems to have become an easy target for bullying and coercive behaviour. To the point when it became the norm for him and we didn’t realise what he was having to face on a daily basis. It’s been helpful hearing advice from others on this thread. Let’s hope life after secondary school sees them blossom, and that the resilience they have gained will help them succeed . Sounds like your DS did so well on his last day. I would have 💯 done the same as you with the photo attempt and I bet my DS would have reacted the same as yours. It’s like the small thing (photo) is what sets them off having a meltdown rather than the big thing (leaving school/facing bullies). Hope you are feeling better after your talk and both ready to face the last few exams 🙏