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Secondary education

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Original poster

Estranged father's email used from unwanted family members

30 replies

AnonymousComet · 28/05/2025 17:48

My child's father and I have been separated for a few years now. We were never married but he is on our child's birth certificate. Father's sister is in control of his emails which access childs information. This is not wanted by myself or child. Does anyone else have similar issue or know if anything can be done to stop this?
Many thanks

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 28/05/2025 17:52

What does this mean?
emails which access childs information.

EasierToWalkAway · 28/05/2025 18:00

Are you saying that father has certain rights and has given out his email address in the past which is used by school etc for communication? And why would his sister be in control of his emails?

Original poster
AnonymousComet · 28/05/2025 22:47

Sorry should of said issue is correspondence from school ie. Apps like arbor, notifications, lunch details, progress etc. Emails are sent to father but she uses his email with his permission to access

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonymousComet · 29/05/2025 00:35

DorothyStorm · 28/05/2025 17:52

What does this mean?
emails which access childs information.

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonymousComet · 29/05/2025 00:41

EasierToWalkAway · 28/05/2025 18:00

Are you saying that father has certain rights and has given out his email address in the past which is used by school etc for communication? And why would his sister be in control of his emails?

His name is on our child's birth certificate which gives him the right to receive communication from the school. Even though they are emailed to him, his sister has control of his emails with his permission. She is extremely controlling and narcissistic. My child has told him that they are not happy or comfortable with her having access but he dismisses her concerns. Because the emails are in his name (being her father) I wanted to know how to resolve the issue.

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 29/05/2025 07:44

I'm afraid there is nothing you can do. As he has PR, he is entitled to receive the same information from school as you. You cannot control who he shares that information with. Even if his sister couldn't see his emails, he could still share all the content with her if he wants. However, when your daughter reaches 16 she will be able to stop the school from sharing information with him.

Whyherewego · 29/05/2025 07:46

@prh47bridge is correct. He entitled to receive emails and he's also entitled to share his email account with whomever he chooses. How old is your daughter?

Weald56 · 29/05/2025 18:14

Get legal advice from a solicitor (or the CAB).

Fannyy · 29/05/2025 18:16

I work in a school. If a parent rang me up and told me this, I'll be very careful what information I shared.

onceuponatimeinneverland · 29/05/2025 18:18

Fannyy · 29/05/2025 18:16

I work in a school. If a parent rang me up and told me this, I'll be very careful what information I shared.

And then be in deep shit when he inevitably complained.

Fatrosrhun · 29/05/2025 18:20

Fannyy · 29/05/2025 18:16

I work in a school. If a parent rang me up and told me this, I'll be very careful what information I shared.

Why? Are you saying no parent is allowed to share information about their child with their own sister??

independentfriend · 29/05/2025 18:46

This one might be for your child to raise with a teacher at school - if school understand that they don't want their aunt to have information about them and that info sent to their father by email automatically goes to the aunt too, they may be able to eg send text messages or generic messages asking the father to phone person x rather than full detail by email. Can't stop the father talking to his sister but can make it so that the father gets the info first hand from school. Aim is for the school to understand your child's distress at info going to their aunt so they can conclude it's better to avoid disclosing themselves when contacting the father.

I doubt there's much that can be done with the generic app notifications and more attention may be drawn to this if you try. Is there a solution of avoiding using the apps and paying the school another way so there's less info there? Taking packed lunches so there's no info about what they had for lunch?

MustWeDoThis · 29/05/2025 19:00

AnonymousComet · 29/05/2025 00:41

His name is on our child's birth certificate which gives him the right to receive communication from the school. Even though they are emailed to him, his sister has control of his emails with his permission. She is extremely controlling and narcissistic. My child has told him that they are not happy or comfortable with her having access but he dismisses her concerns. Because the emails are in his name (being her father) I wanted to know how to resolve the issue.

Show quote history

You can tackle this from a GDPR and safeguarding perspective. Let the school know a random person is accessing this private and sensitive information. The Father doesn't actually need alerts from the school, either...especially if estranged...regardless of whether he is on the birth certificate. Tell the school to take his email off the list because you are their main carer.

pollymere · 29/05/2025 19:26

Does he have parental responsibility for your kid? If not, then contact the school and say he shouldn't be given access to this information.

If he does, it's trickier, but I'd probably find something in the UNICEF Rights of the Child to say your kid finds it an evasion of privacy.

Snorlaxo · 29/05/2025 19:30

It’s no different to him telling his sister what the information says after he reads it. As long as she doesn’t act on the info eg deny permission for a school trip or contact teachers directly then how is she being controlling and problematic ?
If she’s contacting the school pretending to be him then you should talk to the school about double checking things with you.

Cormoransjacket · 29/05/2025 19:30

Once your daughter is 13 the school will need her permission to share her information. I am unsure whether this affects information being shared with someone who has PR. You could try speaking with the school as they may be able to explain the situation. Would her father notice or be upset if he no longer received the emails from school?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 29/05/2025 19:40

@AnonymousComet what is ex's sister doing with the information???

GiveDogBone · 29/05/2025 19:47

MustWeDoThis · 29/05/2025 19:00

You can tackle this from a GDPR and safeguarding perspective. Let the school know a random person is accessing this private and sensitive information. The Father doesn't actually need alerts from the school, either...especially if estranged...regardless of whether he is on the birth certificate. Tell the school to take his email off the list because you are their main carer.

Show quote history

Ignore this terrible advice.

It is not a random person accessing the data it’s his aunt, with the permission of his father.

And the fact the OP is main carer does not permit her to override the rights of the child’s father.

cyvguhb · 29/05/2025 19:48

Cormoransjacket · 29/05/2025 19:30

Once your daughter is 13 the school will need her permission to share her information. I am unsure whether this affects information being shared with someone who has PR. You could try speaking with the school as they may be able to explain the situation. Would her father notice or be upset if he no longer received the emails from school?

That's interesting, I didn't know that, do schools get signed permission from pupils before they allow the parents to sign up to the communication apps? What happens if the child doesn't consent?

changeme4this · 29/05/2025 19:55

More details are needed. How old is your child and what is the Aunty doing with this information?

surely it’s a matter between you and him to sort out initially if aunty is interfering…

Cormoransjacket · 29/05/2025 19:57

My 15 year old has SEN and is preparing to transition to college. The college asked for information about the support and access arrangements he has at school. The school would not send this information to the college until my son had given his consent either through email or verbally. My son needed the lady from school to say the necessary phrase and he just parroted it back to her.

I still get emails from school about my son, but he gets the emails too now. I do not know what would happen if he refused consent for me to be given information about him. The college just email my son about open days, transition days etc. He is unable to manage this so I have asked him to forward all emails to me. Luckily he is happy to do this.

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 29/05/2025 20:08

Listen to @prh47bridge .

there is nothing you can do. We had the opposite where Dh’s ex kept removing him from school (and go etc) contact lists so he wouldn’t get the information. Then he’d miss parent evenings and everything else, and it was used to demonstrate his “unreliability”.

The school were really uncooperative. tried to say they could only talk to him if his ex was present. Fine, as long as you never talk to her when he isn’t present.

in the end it took a solicitors letter to insist on his legal rights. It went to the head- there was nothing they could do as he was an equal parent and had exactly the same rights, and the couldn’t withhold information from someone with PR. It’s a legal right.

they can’t police who he shares it with. Dh’s ex has a joint email with her new dh, that’s up to her. We can’t stop her any more than she can stop him.

ARichtGoodDram · 29/05/2025 20:22

Tell the school to take his email off the list because you are their main carer.

The school cannot do that. He has PR by being on the birth certificate and therefore is legally entitled to the updates.

GreenTraybake · 29/05/2025 22:04

MustWeDoThis · 29/05/2025 19:00

You can tackle this from a GDPR and safeguarding perspective. Let the school know a random person is accessing this private and sensitive information. The Father doesn't actually need alerts from the school, either...especially if estranged...regardless of whether he is on the birth certificate. Tell the school to take his email off the list because you are their main carer.

Show quote history

And what evidence does OP have to justify breach of GDPR? He could still receive email and share screenshot with sister or share details over a phonecall? It is all so strange and looks like there are more details left out

CalmBalonz · 29/05/2025 22:17

Why can't she set up her own email address? Weird.