Schools and moving home: help!

[TwinDad10]

Like many others, we've got a big decision to make with our kids' secondary schools, and where we might need to move to. We're really struggling to decide what's best and would love some advice.

Our situation
We've lived in SE London (zone 3/4) for 10 years and have boy/girl twins in Year 4. We live on a nice street with a park across the road and nice neighbours. However, the high street at the top of our road is grim and getting worse - a lot of crime, anti-social behaviour and not the sort of place I'd be happy with my teenagers walking down on a dark winters night. After much discussion, we want to make a move to an area we'd be more comfortable them spending their teenage years in - despite us knowing we'd be giving up a lot.

While the schools and our kids' happiness/safety is No.1 priority, both sets of grandparents aren't getting younger (early 80s) and we'd love to engineer a move closer to them, rather than the 60 or 90 mins it currently takes. They're in Tunbridge Wells and Guildford.

I'll need to commute into London 2-3 dpw, and my wife will be looking to find a similar charity job wherever we move.

Our kids
Our daughter is academic and is probably grammar material if she wanted to go down that route - Newstead Woods, TWGGs, etc. Our son is bright, but doesn't love school and we think a relatively high-pressured environment (e.g. grammar) might not be great for him - we'd prefer a strong, well-run co-ed comprehensive.

Our options

1. Move a short distance from where we are now - e.g. Beckenham, Hayes. Still enjoy a short-ish commute, still maintain current friendships, keep them in current primary school all the way through to the end of Year 6. BUT, don't get much closer to our parents, don't have a more countryside lifestyle, and living in the 'burbs doesn't really excite us.
2. Move to Tonbridge or Tunbridge Wells. Be close to one set of parents, our daughter will hopefully have a great grammar education, nice towns/lifestyle, closer to countryside and coast. BUT, longer and expensive commute, need to move kids for year 6, the local co-ed comps don't get great reviews/Ofsted.
3. Move somewhere else. e.g. Oxted, Redhill, East Grinstead. We liked Oxted when we visited, but don't hear great things about Oxted School (for our boy). Daughter would need to get long-ish bus ride to grammar in Sevenoaks, Tonbridge etc if we wanted to go down the grammar route. Haven't yet visited Redhill, E Grinstead or anywhere else. We wouldn't move anywhere further west or south - e.g. Guildford - as my wife doesn't want to be that far from T Wells.

Sorry for the long post! Would appreciate any wise words (particularly recommendations of excellent co-ed state schools in east/north Surrey, Sussex and West Kent). Thanks

If considering TWells would Bennet Memorial (outstanding 23) or St Greg's (good 24) be possible for your son if he is not grammar inclined? Both church schools

Skinners Kent Academy also got good on last ofsted in 23.

Alternatively you could look at Beacon Academy in Crowborough (outstanding in 24)

I have had friends with children in all 4 schools who rate them highly.

Also have friends with children at Oxted that were happy with the schools support. One just leaving this year.

You could also look at Sackvillle and Imberhorne in East Grinstead. I do not have cureent knowledge
Friends with children at Hill View have been happy
TWells is more expensive than Tonbridge house price wise. However more school options in Twells.

I have had children at. Tunbridge wells grammar school for boys. He loved it but I feel they let him down when he was very sick one year. However solid friend group he is still in touch with 5 years on (he did A levels elsewhere)
Bennet Memorial frankly can't fault the school well earned outstanding.
Close friends with children at Skinners, TWIGS & TOGS all happy with schools. My children are now past secondary school age but we still have siblings of their friends at schools

Will your children thank you in the future?

Countryside is awful for teenagers. Mine constantly moans about why we had to move out of SE London and she's goes in most weekends and is desperate to move back full-time.

DD commutes to school in South London every day as the state option there was so much better than our local ones.

I would go for Tunbridge Wells and TWGGS if I had to pick.

Will also add that in my naice leafy village, we have all installed CCTV over the last few years, I have never rung 999 so often over antisocial behaviour by the local gangs of teenagers who are bored and have nothing to do.

Constant complaints on village FB group and people have stopped doing nice things like Christmas wreaths on doors, or Halloween pumpkins as they just get nicked or vandalised.

Police have been round twice in last 4 weeks to borrow CCTV footage, and I have the local bobby's number in my mobile.

@Enko Thanks for your considered reply. We have two nieces and a nephew in Bennett but unfortunately don't go to church so we wouldn't get in.

We have signed up for an open day at Skinners Academy, as well as Hill View (now called Leigh Academy) in Tonbridge.

I'll take a look at those ones you suggested in East Grinstead.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow Thanks for your warning about moving out of London. I've heard this from others, but it tends to be in villages. We wouldn't move anywhere smaller than a town - Tonbridge, Redhill etc. We need leisure centres, cinemas, supermarkets etc. I'm confident the kids will find enough to do.

Do you have any advice re non-Grammar mixed secondaries? Either on outskirts of London or into Kent?

I know people with kids in the East Grinstead schools - they seem fairly meh about them. A lot of people opt for Lingfield College instead if they can afford it.

Lots seem to commute for Whitgift and Woldingham or London schools and a big tranche head for BRIT school at 14.

Graveney and Kingsdale are options if you can pass the Graveney test or land a music or sport place at Kingsdale (lottery entry but top ranked aptitude places get automatic acceptance). Both are much better than anything state that we found further out.

Kent is a nightmare if you don't get into the grammars so pick area very carefully.

Where abouts are you? Proper country side?

I used to work at Kingsdale and you couldn’t pay me to send my kids there!