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Original poster

11+ and mental health

30 replies

Rahatr · 28/04/2025 10:12

To those who have DC who prepared well for the 11+ and got to go to good grammar schools or private schools how did their 11+ preparation affect their mental health?

OP posts:
redkestrel · 05/02/2026 07:46

Rahatr · 28/04/2025 12:25

I'm in my mid 20s and the 11+ absolutely wrecked me mental health wise. Hours of tuition, past papers and getting shouted at. Not ever been allowed to relax at the school holidays. Constant 11+ papers and tution.

Being drilled into me that if I went to the local comprehensive my life would be shit. (The school wasn't very good, the people weren't very bright and the kids were not well behaved)

I remember crying when not getting a scholarship at one of the private schools. I think I also got told "well you should have worked harder".

Thankfully I went to a good state grammar, got good GCSEs and A-levels and smashed uni

I know this is an old post but do you mind if I ask how long were you wrecked mentally? Are you ok now? Did you get stress from/shouted at constantly by more than one parent? I'm trying to figure out just how much of a good cop I need to be in this process as I'm stressed myself and there's almost a year still to go.

filieeeepsheeeep · 05/02/2026 07:57

Most people who prep for 11+ do it as their dc are bright and the family value education, they don't abuse their dc. What your parents did is unforgivable they were abusive. Hope you are getting the support you may need.

filieeeepsheeeep · 05/02/2026 07:58

redkestrel · 05/02/2026 07:46

I know this is an old post but do you mind if I ask how long were you wrecked mentally? Are you ok now? Did you get stress from/shouted at constantly by more than one parent? I'm trying to figure out just how much of a good cop I need to be in this process as I'm stressed myself and there's almost a year still to go.

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zombie thread

Buscobel · 05/02/2026 09:13

I did 11+ years and years ago. At that time, there was no tutoring and any prep was in school, so no different really from ordinary classes. There were two options for those who passed 11+. One was available to the. cohort with the highest marks.

There was no pressure, other than an expectation that you would do your best.

CheerfulMuddler · 05/02/2026 10:27

I think if your child needs hours of prep every night, they're going to find grammar school very difficult. The superselective my DS is going to sets for maths, which apparently is a bit of a shock to the kids who find themselves in bottom set. You do wonder if they would have found it less demoralising in top set at a comp.
My DS is very mathematical and is always reading, so we didn't do loads and we didn't have a tutor.
I used to pay him in board games - do x amount of work and I'll play a game with you. He liked that. He also enjoyed doing the maths questions - he said it was more interesting than school maths.
I think I was more stressed than him!
My main worry was if he didn't pass. Being 'clever' is important to him and he really wanted to go to the grammar. Our second choice would have been absolutely fine, but it was an all boys school, and he wanted mixed.
He only sat for one school. Private wasn't an option for us - it was either the grammar or a comp. We could theoretically have applied to Wirral grammars (we're just over the water) but because you can't drive over the Mersey it would have been a long commute to another all-boys school and we didn't want that.

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