DD in self destruct mode leading up to exams

[gingerninja]

My DD sits her A levels in the next few weeks. Before exams she goes into anxiety related self destruct (did it with GCSEs) and doesn’t do any school work, can barely even get her out of bed or to school at the moment. She says she’s going to fail anyway so why bother (she wouldn’t she’s a very good student) she was predicted a B and 2 Cs but I honestly think she’s heading for nothing. It’s so stressful, her logic is completely mad but there is nothing I say that is making a difference. I’ve tried supportive, angry and disappointed but she has closed down and refuses to engage with anything. She has ADHD and Dyslexia so has always found school tough but is so bright it’s crushing to watch her throw it away. What can I do?

It sounds like she may need to see a Doctor, to get anti-depressants ..? And a medical note to try to postpone/buy more time…?
( I’m not sure about the rules around sitting A-levels, but I’d try to give her more time if possible?)
Also worth talking to the School.
So sorry x

Lots of schools do well intentioned exam cramming sessions at this time of year but if you're dyslexic they can make you feel stupid. Could that be playing a part? It does sound like she's overwhelmed so shrinking the task might help. Maybe suggest she picks just one A-level. With a bit of luck she can work hard and get her B. That would boost her confidence then she could do the other two A-levels as re-takes next summer. Again 2's more manageable. Lots re-take or take a bit longer. Don't despair!

First of all, please don't listen to @EdgarAllenRaven, it is really awful that people dish out unqualified medical advice on message boards. It is really irresponsible to suggest medication with serious and unpredictable side effects when the issue is quite clearly managing exam pressure.

Regarding what to do, I wonder if the messaging she is receiving at home and at school is counterproductive. She knows these exams are very important and is anxious about them. Telling her how important they are and how terrible it will be for her future if she does not study hard to do well probably leads to her shutting down completely from anxiety. Try the other way. Remind her how hard she has worked over the years and how that means she has come a long way. Piling on pressure in the last weeks does not help. I would take all pressure off, not constantly talk about how important it is to study and do well. She knows all that already.

Thank you for your advice @EdgarAllenRaven she is actually already on antidepressants and is under a psychiatrist due to a difficult year, loosing a young family member and two other family members being very unwell. She has very low self esteem from the dyslexia and we’ve worked hard to try and help her build herself up. @Hiff your advice to focus on one subject is a really good idea, thank you.

@wandsworth25 The messaging she has received at home has not at all been pushy it’s been absolutely supportive of any direction she wants to take her life and has been very much reminding her that she is very capable and she has options regardless of exam outcomes. She has very very high expectations for herself and this is why I’m frustrated because she has put in all the work until right at the last minute and would prefer to throw it away because ‘trying and failing is harder to take than not trying and failing’ her words. That’s what I’m frustrated about, not what her results are but her logic and assumption that she’ll fail.
Thanks again all.