Private or state?

[palmtreessunshine]

We are an American family. We moved over middle of the pandemic and put our daughter in private education because she was two years behind the national curriculum and her peers after having lived in California. We obviously know we were very fortunate to have the means to do that. But as the prices have risen astronomically and nearly 5 years time I’m really starting to question how worth it it has been. We have not been on a single holiday in five years, we live in a teeny terraced rented house where the kids (4) all share, we have a very strict food budget (£120max a week, including nappies and house items). We are still having to heavily tutor her for the 11+ (she’s year 5). And she’s a super bright kid.

However, we are moving from London to an area with outstanding state schools and it’s really got me thinking after seeing how little our mortgage would be (40% less), that maybe we don’t want to send her to private secondary? We have registered her and a few places to sit exams, but after speaking to her, she doesn’t seem to be bothered one way or another. She had her heart set on a specific school for a while, but has since changed her mind. I also think she’s smart enough to know how much we sacrifice to make her school possible. I think she also realizes that if she goes to a big fancy private school, most of her friends would be commuting in. Relationship relationships are really important to her so having friends in her neighborhood or nearby is something she really wants.

I would love to know what other people in this position I’ve done? Obviously education is really important to us. And we want her to do well. The two local schools near us, while wouldn’t be a sure bet, are outstanding and have incredible results. I’d love advice

It is not state vs private but the specific school itself, your finance and DC going to see the schools and seeing which one you can put on the state list or apply.

Agree with the above. If she doesn't have SEN or need single sex education a state might well be fine for her, but it does depend on the school. There are benefits of going to a local school with friends you can see after and obviously the fees are extortionate now. However some schools do have a lot of issues, particularly if it is a grammar area, so be aware of that if she won't be in the grammar schools as the others in the area are usually lagging quite far behind and behaviours can be poor. Visit the schools, ask for parents lived experiences. Many we know who do grammar still pay tutors all through anyway to stay in top sets, but it would be cheaper than private. Again this depends on the grammar area too - T.Wells very different to Canterbury in grammar rankings, so if she is academically high flying you may rather do the private option for more stretch in some towns. You won't know until you visit.

If you can send her to an outstanding state school with great results, I would send her there and save £££. You can use the money saved to have a better quality of life and everyone will be happier. I speak as someone who sent 2 kids to private secondary school (after state primary) and while they had a lovely time, small class sizes and great extracurricular opportunities I am not convinced the academic outcome was any better than if they had gone to state school for the child without SEN. For the child with SEN probably made a difference due to the small class size and more individual attention.

If she has SEN then I would stick with private - even more so if she is SEN and bright.

If she's NT and the schools look good when you visit then go for state and put away a bit of the money you save on fees for tutors and extra curricular.

Did I read right that you have 4 DC? I would only send my 4 DC to private school if I had a mansion without a mortgage and tons of savings. It is just not worth it otherwise. Far cheaper to select a good state school and tutor.

my youngest are teeny and will go state all the way. My eldest is in specialist provision provided by the council. It’s only my middle child who is in private. We chose private for a variety of reasons but now that we are moving, we feel private hasn’t been worth the fortune we’ve spent and frankly we feel she would be happier in a really good state school.

This is exactly our feeling. She’s been in private education now for five years and looking at the outstanding state schools and how happy a lot of the families we know that go to them are we don’t feel it’s been worth the money we’ve spent.

I think the quality of life also will massively improve all of our lives and happiness. Right now we’re all pretty miserable While trying to sacrifice so she can go to a good school. I realize it was probably a huge mistake in hindsight.

There are two outstanding secondary schools near us. The rest are just good. I’m slightly worried about putting all my eggs in just a few baskets, especially given all the circumstances with over subscription. One of them is a Catholic school, which we are Catholic prisoners, and our priest has happily agreed to write us a letter of recommendation.

I think you’re right we just need to visit

This is great advice.

Sadly, there are no grammar schools in the area that we’re moving to. But there are a few outstanding state schools. I did notice that the rest are just good. When I checked the progression eight statistics some of the good ones Are well below average unfortunately in terms of GCSE results which is pretty disheartening.

The two schools were betting on are incredible and the results speak for themselves. But slightly worried we’ll be putting all of our eggs in these two baskets and seems a bit silly. There are incredible private options around but given the VAT and how prices just keep going up and up it feels ridiculous to keep sending her

If you mention the schools and areas you might get useful feedback.

I was almost a professional school open day attendee back in Y5/6 and what you see on paper and in the league tables, what you see on an open day and what the reality is when you are an inmate and no longer a prospective recruit can all be very different things.

I found it helpful to have a list based on MY child and their strengths, weaknesses and preferences.

Then I had non-negotiables, definitely want to sees and nice to haves and scored the schools against them.

The results were not always in line with Mr Ofsted, or even other primary parents as we were looking for different things.

Have you checked whether she’d be likely to get into the two desired state schools from the new address? Did all Catholic applicants get into the faith school in the last two years? If so, and there isn’t a brand new housing estate going up in the meantime, then chances are she will get in as the peak baby-bulge years nationally were for births in 2011-2013.

In those circumstances it seems like a bit of a no-brainer to choose an excellent local state option, especially given that you are experiencing financial strain. I wouldn’t get too hung up on state v private other than on cost. My two have been to a mix of state and private over the course of their education and each decision has been based on what is best for this child, at this time and in this location, from the available options.

P.S. I assume, and hope, that when you said you were “Catholic prisoners” you meant Catholic parishioners!

From everything you said, I would definitely move her to an outstanding state school. Not least because your younger two will go state all the way.
I think it made sense at the time, pandemic, catch up, busy with 2 young children and older child with SEND - so you gave this middle child the best you possibly could at the time so she got some attention at school. Now it is time to move to a state school and hopefully she has benefitted from the smaller class sizes and will do very well at secondary school. Like I said, if she has any poor teachers in any given subject now, or just needs a bit more help in some subjects or is particularly passionate about others, many people now just get a tutor at a much reduced cost compared to private school. It is pretty much the norm now for most people with bigger families.

This☝. Have you bought the house already? If so you can email school admissions to find your exact distance from both schools and also if you would have got in during previous years. You can even ask them the distance they are down to on the waiting list for 2025 admissions. This should give you a good idea of your chances. To put it bluntly you cannot afford to continue with private, your daughter seems to have accepted this too which is great. New move fresh start. The little ones will grow bigger and need more and you definitely all need the occasional holiday. Don't feel like you've failed your daughter. We are a professional couple, I was privately educated and there is no way we could afford private like the vast majority of the country.

I turned down a place at an ‘outstanding’ high school for my only child in favour of a’good’ one and she got all top grades. The only way is to visit and get a feel for the school. I couldn’t afford private fees.

When were the schools actually inspected last to get their 'current' Ofsted ratings? And have you tried to find out what it is actually like for pupils to attend these schools (or others in the area)?

Remember, the Michaela School is Ofsted 'Outstanding', with a limited curriculum offer, a distinct lack of outdoor space and some frankly odd rules regarding behaviour (e.g. my upbringing taught me that to stand with my arms crossed when interacting with others could be seen as confrontational, but there, it appears to be a requirement) and I can't for the life of me think why I'd want a child of mine to go there. Yet the inspection teams are captivated.

I think if you have good State alternatives there is no need for Private (SEN or specialism excepted) and I say that as a Private School Parent