communicating with abusive ex about school choices

[Reflektor]

Currently, my ex doesn't have any contact with our child but still has parental responsibility so I still legally have to seek his consent for health, education and religious matters. I have to start viewing secondary schools and need to put in an application for my child's school this autumn. I am legally obliged to inform my ex about my child's education and health because a court order is in place. I will be breaking the court order if I do not ask for his consent in our child's school choices.

He is not safe to communicate with, and I'm dreading having to write him about our child's school choices. I know he will use it as an excuse to become abusive and send unnecessary and abusive messages. He is extremely unreasonable and is currently being detained under the mental health act, has multiple arrests and a suspended sentence, there is an NMO in place, and he will be arrested if his communication with me about the school choice becomes abusive.

What makes it even more difficult is that if anything even remotely looks like I'm trying to engage in discussion, it can be used against me and undermines the NMO or any claims I make about unwanted communication.

Is there a conflict-free way to deal with this? any magic words, third party or template I could use?

Change the Court Order?

It doesnt sound to me that he is capable of making a decision on the matter

Can you go back to court and amend tbt order?

You can't communicate with him with a NMO in place (and especially so while he's been detained).

If he doesn't have contact anyway he shouldn't be getting a say, he should be informed at most.

Is it safe for your child for your ex to know which school they attend?

Solicitor’s letter? Making it clear he is receiving this information because you are obliged to by the court order and that any reply he might wish to make must also go through your solicitor due to NMO. The solicitor might be able to word it in such a way that it makes it harder for him to just object for no good reason considering his current level of involvement in your child’s everyday routines. Your solicitor should also be able to help with what time would be best to send the letter (maybe as soon as you’ve chosen the schools for the applications (assuming you have to put down 1st, 2nd 3rd choice type thing) but well before the final deadline to submit the choice? There also needs to be a reasonable time limit on his chance to object.

If he's detained under the Mental Health Act will his correspondence be read?

Thanks for your responses, everyone 🙏
I'd really like to avoid any further legal costs. We've been in court for several years now with fees now totalling £40k.

I can make an application to limit his parental responsibility beyond use, but I've been told that is only very rarely done.

just wondering if anyone has been in the same situation?

I would say you could get a family law solicitor to handle all communications with your ex, to use a mediator or a 3rd party to pass on messages, and make sure to document everything. You might also consider asking the court to review or modify the current order so your ex has less say, especially given his behaviour and the current situation.