Y11 ds being so difficult

[Sotiredofnagging]

Trying to get some perspective here... DS is cut from the 'bright but lazy' teenage boy cloth. He does have a mild LD, which has caused low self-esteem and makes him anxious. His recent mocks were pretty bad - failed maths and English which was a first. Literally wrote nothing in some papers. At parents' evening, all teachers said that the problem is less lack of subject knowledge (although I do think some revision would have helped...) but panicking in exams. Sensibly suggested past papers etc.

Have spent all week talking, negotiating, explaining to DS the importance of GCSEs (which he's fully aware of) and trying to agree some sort of light revision plan. All he needs to do is pass maths and English and do well enough in the subjects that he wants to do for BTech/'A' level (the latter he is just about) and job done. It is hard, hard work as ds's instinct is to say 'no'.

Getting him out of bed in the morning involves me nagging him. Getting him into bed at night involves me nagging him. Getting him to do any schoolwork involves me nagging him. Getting him to wear his glasses involves me nagging him. I have explained umpteen times that my preference would be not to be involved in any of these things - that he just get himself up and get to school on time, get into bed at night at a decent hour, do some school work etc. If he wants me to stop nagging, then go right ahead and sort yourself out and so on.

I know the theory of 'natural consequences' but at 15, I don't think it's acceptable to just leave him to stay in bed and not go to school or stay up until the early hours on a school night.

He has recently stopped playing computer games (he was only allowed Fortnight and I think he eventually realised that he was never going to be a YouTube sensation and that it's pretty boring). He spends a lot of time making electronic music and he could do a BTech in music production in sixth form. I was hoping that would be some sort of carrot to just get his head down for a few months.

Sorry this is long, but any thoughts/suggestions/similar experiences? I am so sick of nagging, but leaving him to his own devices just isn't an option. We've tried him setting an alarm (he doesn't), him getting himself into bed a X o'clock (he doesn't) so that he's more in control, but with no joy.

Thanks for reading this far!

Does he know what each question expects? Because that would also be useful knowledge

You sound like you’re doing a brilliant job, just be there plugging away, being strategic, showing you believe in him and won’t give up.
I had one of these, he’s 27 now and has a proper job he loves in London, a lovely girlfriend and a flat, and he is a fully functioning person who organises himself. There is hope, just keep going.

Sympathy op. You are not nagging, you are helping him achieve his goals (I assume he does have a desire to study electronic music). He clearly needs you to remind him at this point. I suggest you completely set aside your irritation and just remind him pleasantly and kindly that it's time to do the thing he needs to do. My dd is very bright and motivated but I often had to sit with her while she studied to help her stay on task. I think that's where parents can step up and help. My immediate thought with your ds is he could try counselling with hypnotherapy since he is having problems with being in an exam situation and might benefit from exploring why he's avoiding revising and learning some focus and relaxation techniques.

Velvetbee thanks - that's exactly the sort of thing I need to hear.

There's no way he'll let me sit with him - he's come round to letting me help break things down and organise himself.

He's also had a few sessions in school this week (Easter holidays) which has helped both of us!