Any advice how to stop the downward spiral?

[Holly221288]

My son is 14 and in year 10 at school. Up until this academic year, he has been in no trouble at school at all. As in none. He’s always been too chatty and excitable but seemed to manage to stay the right side of it.

Fast forward to now and he’s 3 isolations off suspension. They have a (completely understandable) rule that 15 isolations in a term is a suspension. All isolations have been for chatting, turning around, not focusing etc.

I am at a complete loss at what to do. I’m in regular communication with school and sanction at home (technology removal, grounding etc). School have tried him on report but it makes no difference.

We are awaiting an appointment for an ADHD assessment although that obviously doesn’t excuse the behaviour. All of the sanctions have been in one subject and cover lessons. They have moved him in the subject to a different set but again it’s made no difference.

At home his behaviour is unchanged. He never has to be disciplined for anything other than the school stuff.

Does anyone have any advice/experience at all?

What does your DS say about his change of behaviour in this particular subject and in cover lessons? What is his explanation for it, and does he understand how serious this is becoming?

If it is only in one subject it is unlikely purely to be ADHD that is causing it.

Talk to him about that subject. Is there a reason why he is messing about in that subject ( which is it?) is he using the messing about to cover up a fear of not being able to do it. You need to really find out what is going on and why.

As a last resort, if nothing else transpires, take some leave from work and arrange to go and sit with him in that class. You will probably only need to do this once

@SilenceInside thank you for responding so quickly.

I presume he understands how serious it is, he has been told both by myself and school what the next steps will be.

He doesn’t really have any explanation other than he gets swept along by everyone else. Again I don’t see this as a valid reason. Although school have said today it’s never him instigating but just following. I don’t find that helpful though. I know he finds the subject hard that he’s playing up in but he’s been moved to the lowest academic set and I’ve arranged some tutoring so unsure what else to do there.

My DS2 who is the same age became much more problematic at this age once puberty started to kick in . I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for you - he now gets about 1 detention each half term which is manageable

The red flag for me is that it’s only one subject - so teacher ? some are stricter than others or less able to cope - subject difficulty ? Or whether he is with a different peer group for this particular subject compared to others ?

@EducatingArti sorry I should of better explained myself. His behaviour is the same across all subjects, however his other teachers are able to focus him to an extent. For instance his maths teacher sits with him for the lesson after delivering the teaching (I am aware this isn’t fair on the other students)

@waitingquietly thank you for replying. Sorry you had to go through this too. How long did it last for you?

Sorry I should of clarified he behaves the same in all subjects, he just has a better relationship/stronger teachers in others which seem to help him

Which subject is it?

@EducatingArti Science

It may be a Y10 phenomenon in a couple of ways:
A. A response to stress. They can start laying it on really thick in Y10. My friend's autistic son school-refused fully from a couple of weeks into Y10. My ADHD son got more anxious than usual but his response is out of control anger at home.
B. Y10 'cracking down on behaviour'. Has he always been like this but it was overlooked? Or is it actually new behaviour?

I know that doesn't help in the short term of sorting this situation out, but it may help you to deal with the school on how to help your DS. If sanctions aren't making a difference then they need to take a different approach rather than suspension which will just damage his grades. Particularly if he's on an ADHD pathway.

I would email the science teacher directly and ask for a conversation if you haven’t already - what can they put in place to support .
although frustrating do try not to worry , this sounds fairly low level and any suspension would surely be minimal.
Try bribery - works for me sometimes 😳

Also neatly Easter so only got to get through a couple of weeks and will re set ? Hopefully he’ll have a different teacher next year

If they have moved him into the lowest set for science, then it is likely that there are other disruptive students on his class and this will be making it harder for him to behave well particularly if his attention is poor and he is easily led.

As well as a tutor ( which sounds like a good move) see if you can get him doing some online work.
I'm a couple of years out of date now but Primrose Kitten used to do good you tube videos and BBC bitesize is free. There are other more interactive question and answer sites and school may have signed him up to one.

If possible try and get his level up to be in a higher set for year 11.

I'm sorry I know this doesn't answer your immediate issue though.

"All isolations have been for chatting, turning around, not focusing etc."

Didn't these uses to be detention offences? Why is isolation used so willy nilly now?

I have ADHD, I did very well in primary and spiralled in secondary cos I was overstimulated.
These days, it's very poor form to discipline young ppl with ADHD (incl waiting for assessment) because their behaviour is a result of an unmanaged mental conditional and not because they are 'bad'
I suggest you get a letter from GP stating wait times for assessment and why your child has been referred and start advocating strongly for your child to not be treated like shit because it'll affect his self esteem for ever if he doesn't get good support now.

Thank you all so much for your responses. I’m waiting to hear back from school and their next steps and then will formulate a response based on all your advice.