DS15: 18 months absent from school

[noff]

DS15 is in the first year of GCSEs now, has not attended school since Oct/Nov 2023. He became terrified of going in due to toilet related issues at the school, and despite a year of weekly therapy with a psychologist, is no closer to return. He becomes distressed when recounting the situations that prompted the initial refusal.

No issues before Y9: good academically, had a small group of good friends, feedback from teachers always positive. He's happy, funny, great to be around, sweet, caring, thoughtful. It's mainly (but not exclusively) this school issue that prompts terror and distress. He will sometimes see friends,when pushed, but enjoys it when he does.

Where we are now, is that he has been emailing teachers at the start of every lesson, and doing the schoolwork from home. It's been 18 months of this. He's not a self starter, and very easily distracted, so needs a lot of parental oversight. However he still usually gets 7s and 8s.

His father and I go in to meet with the attendance lead every couple of months, to update. Things have changed now, and it's been said that this cannot carry on (I totally understand that) and raises the issue of whether they will let him stay on for year two of GCSEs.

Our encounters with NHS are: had a paediatrician appt last summer, she was great, but nothing to develop there, and referred back to GP. Had a first CAMHS appt a month ago, is on the waiting list for interventions. DS gets his case discussed at the Council panel for children not attending school, things get offered (medical school, tutoring) but are then withdrawn, delayed, or barriers come up.

Autism was suggested to us by the CAMHS assessor, although he doesn't overtly meet the NHS criteria other than in two criteria. He meets every point on the NHS child list for inattentive ADHD.

I am not sure what we do from here. There's this constant refrain of "back to school reintegration plan" but tbh, I now don't think DS will ever go back. I wonder if it's best to just carry on as we are, or take a stance and plan our own way forward. Nothing has changed with regard to school, in 18 months. We carry on with the weekly psychologist, for now.

This is incredibly long post. From anyone's experience: after this long off, do kids ever actually return? I can't find data about this. I don't feel DS will.

What about online schooling? There are some really good ones - they do cost and sometimes it can be covered by the LA rather than the school

I don’t have data.

my child was off for a long time and was able to return to education but not school. She went to an FE college which was a significantly different environment.

as a teacher I saw many children like this. Some were able to partially return.

on a personal level I would consider:

a different school (the physical place being different may make a difference)
some FE colleges run gcse courses for 14-16 students who have been ill/out of education and these generally don’t have uniform/stupid rules about toilets etc.
you may also find an alternative provision that is suitable although this could be tricky.

No experience, but looking at it pragmatically, I think it's unlikely he's going to return to that school in a 'normal' way after all this time. I'd have a really good look at alternatives, online school might be a good start..

A friends child did make it back after being off for a year, but same problems reoccurred and they were back home schooling within a couple ogmonths. You mentioned not seeing friends often, is he leaving the house much? It sounds like it could be a wider issue. My DD is coming up around 9 months of absence now and I realised recently that I had to start with an earlier step because whatever the problem was initially its become her hiding away from the world now, not just school. The earlier step was just getting her out of the house regularly for short periods around the time she'd normally leave for school and then moved to doing some activities she enjoys and we're now popping into school for short periods up to 20 minutes in the morning and seeing whoever is free, one of her teachers or the deputy or just saying hi to the support staff. Next step popping in in uniform. My DD is autistic and has anxiety, possible ADD too. Highschool turned out to be a lot harder for her, not academically but bigger noisy school, moving classroom every lesson, lots of different teachers, too many transitions, its an overwhelming environment for her. Not unusual for things to get overwhelming in high school for ND kids.

Do you have an EHCP? If not apply for one now. It takes a while to get but it does give more options of where education can be accessed once in place.

Are his absences being marked as authorised or unauthorised? If they are authorised it means you won't be threatened with fines but it mighty mean your Local Authority haven't been alerted to the true situation.

My DD missed most of year 10 and 11 as she went into a sudden and serious burnout. Online learning was one of the first options our Local Authority offered as a possibility while we were going through the EHCP process.

Are there no other local school places - would a local college take him is on-line home schooling an option - would be my first thoughts.

Anecdotally - some of DD2 peers were intemittent refusers - and she had huge problems staying in class Y10 though could get on site. They have got back and are there most days but that's different to not having been in for 18 months.

There are website with advice out there most of which you probably know:
https://parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/school-life/school-behaviour-wellbeing/coping-school-refusal/

Outside of that pursuing the inattentive ADHD diagonsis would be a help - though that's not easy unless you can afford to go private.

During the week DS leaves the house daily: if we don't have to walk to a shop, we'll go for a walk. He goes to a weekly activity (just him and tutor) as well as attending therapy. At weekends, it can be doing all sorts of things. Some can provoke anxiety, but not so much that he can't manage it. He had more difficulty in day to day activities this time last year, so there's been improvement. None of them were an issue at all until the school avoidance.

The school avoidance came on quickly, following a mild illness, and was a shift over a few weeks from going in late, to going in for a couple of lessons, to going in for just one activity, and then not at all.

The LA panel initially turned down tutor support when the school requested it, and we were encouraged to try this robot head thing to participate in lessons live from home, which DS was horrified about and refused, due to drawing attention to him. Tutoring and/or attendance at medical school was offered, but then withdrawn over funding streams. Future tutoring is apparently not ruled out, but everything moves slowly.

Proper online school could be good for him, as it would give the structure, atmosphere and feedback that he misses out on. We cannot afford online school ourselves.

I think DS could get by doing his GCSEs in the way he currently does, but I don't think it's good for him to have so little social contact with peers; at least online school would have some interaction. He would like to do A levels and university. A different type of school, or college, has potential - he's not ruling that out.

I'm going to look at an EHCP, it's not something that has ever come up in our meetings.

You can request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

In the meantime, the LA has a statutory duty to ensure DS receives a suitable full-time education. ISPEA has a model letter you can send to the Director of Children’s Services. If that doesn’t work and the LA refuse, delay, ignore you or withdraw the provision, you need a pre-action letter. SOSSEN can help with this free of charge, but there is a wait so you may want to look elsewhere.