15 year dd refusing to go homework

[Thoughtthatcounts]

Dd is 15 years old (year 10) and goes to a grammar school. She started off really well but as the years have gone by her attitude to working hard and doing homework has gone downhill. She refuses to plan homework and leaves everything to the last minute. Every night is now a battlefield. She does not care if she gets in trouble and constantly gets detentions. Tonight she has English. I’ve been reminding her for the last few days. I have offered her help and tried to print quotes off to help right the essay but she just gets angry and won’t let me help. It’s now 9:15 and she hasn’t started. My son was a bit lazy too but was happy to let me help him but she won’t accept any help. The school imply I should be doing more at home to make sure homework is done but it feels impossible. Any advice greatly appreciated.

Let her not do it. The school will likely impose consequences. Support them in doing so.

Agree with MrsHamlet. She’s old enough to face the consequences.

You don’t need to “help”. She needs to get on with it. What is she doing instead? Confiscate phone and turn off WiFi until she gets it done.

I have offered her help and tried to print quotes off to help right the essay but she just gets angry and won’t let me help.

This is the wrong path to go down. Your DD knows how to find quotes for an essay and she doesn't actually need reminders that she has a deadline looming - at 15 she's well aware.

I disagree with others though that at 15 it's time to just leave them to sink or swim on their own, but the best steps will depend on exactly what is going on and why. Ideally at 15 they're self-motivated and know how to do independent assignments but often reality falls short of that ideal and bright kids can be particularly good at getting to GCSE stage still hiding some big deficits in these areas. Is she unhappy in life or school in general? Does she do any homework assignments at all (ex. will she do shorter practice sets that feel like short, discreet tasks but not essays or larger assignments, or do work in some subjects but not others)? Is she also having behavior issues or lagging behind in classes themselves? Does she have a set internet & TV free time for homework each night?

Thanks for replies. The trouble is she doesn’t care about the consequences of getting a detention. The phone is a huge battle. I frequently turn off the internet but she often needs it for online homework.

But she’s not doing HW so that’s not an issue. It’s an excuse.
No phone until it’s done.

No homework, no privileges.

No phone, pocket money, no lifts anywhere etc.

Don’t fall for the “I need the internet to do my homework” line.

Full support to the school for any consequences they impose.

Just step back. You can't force a 15yr to do hw and will stress yourself trying. I am surprised you still help at all at 15 (or even 13) and even more surprised that school are asking you to. The main point of homework is that they've learnt to self study, or haven't and thus face the consequences.

I would take her phone away until things change for the better. Explain, once she gets in the good habits of doing her homework she will get the phone back. If she needs internet to do homework, this still does not involve the phone. She can use the computer, laptop or ipad....whatever device is required for the hw with your supervision if needed. But, I wonder, does she want to stay in grammar school? Was she pushed into it? She needs to want to do well and be motivated. What has changed?

I thought the problem was she wasn't doing homework...?

And why would she need her phone and not laptop/tablet?

Screen time only after work is done.
Phone confiscated for one day if homework is late.
Next offence one week.
Next offence she can have a brick phone for a week.
Get yourself some blocking software.

All these ideas are good..
but if I were you, I would dig deeper into why this is happening and why the sudden change in doing homework.
Is she being bullied at school and then suddenly has lost the will to even try to go to school.
Is she dating someone behind your back and his actions are influencing her?
does she want take a different career path and feels her GCSE are not important?
has something happened to her and she doesn’t wanna talk about it? Is she depressed or being coerced into doing something?( god forbid)
I believe there is a reason why she’s acting out . Try to go out for a coffee or a day out and spend it together to just understand what’s going on.

also contact the school and what ask about her behaviour, Is she struggling? Is she skipping school? Do you happen to know who she is hanging out with after school or during school? If the school can tell you about who she is interacting with on daily basis, these things help.

Absolutely no phone until she has done all homework. Get an app so you can block her phone remotely. I would get very strict but boring about it. Very clear consequences. First late/not done homework. No phone/screens for 1 day. Second 2 days. 3 a week. Give her the weekend and tell her it starts Monday. Be very straight and boring about it.