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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Small and nurturing or larger, academic school

9 replies

Riverliving1 · 27/02/2025 10:50

We are trying to decide between two secondary schools for our son. We have offers from both.

The first is relatively small, highly nurturing and very much tailored to the individual. My son liked it when we went to the open days, but it was second choice. This has changed since he attended a taster day, which he absolutely loved.

The second school is larger (medium-sized overall) and has excellent academics and sports. Initially, it was his first choice because it does a lot of hockey - his favourite sport. It is a friendly place (not at all alpha), but maybe the warm and fuzzy doesn't hit quite so quickly as with the first school. We went on a taster day yesterday, and I could tell on the tour that we did together that he just wasn't so comfortable. He said afterwards that he would prefer the first school.

Truthfully, it was a bit of a surprise because all along, it has been the other way around. I think he will do well academically at each, the logistics of getting to each school are similar (though the first is closer, so perhaps there is a greater chance of more local friends). However, it is hard to say no to the other one, where I think the opportunities are arguably greater and I worry that he could outgrow the first school. (I think it will be a marvellous place to start, but it may feel a bit small by the end?). I am talking to other parents I know at the school to learn about their children's experiences.

What would you do? Obviously, I want my son to be happy and settled and he has made that connection with school one. I also often say, to be wary of the 'shoulds' in life - somewhere can be great for many reasons, but it's how you feel that matters. Still, I am finding it hard to put into practice here!

To add, he's a nice-mannered, average boy - quite gentle and friendly. Not overly outgoing, tends to have a smaller group of friends, but likes to join in with larger groups through team sports and other activities.

OP posts:
Starryknightcloud · 27/02/2025 12:07

How big/small are we talking?
As you say what can seem good at the start might be outgrown further in his teenage years.

Any financial concerns about either school? Particularly with VAT affecting numbers.

MumChp · 27/02/2025 12:09

I would let the child decide. Both sounds as great schools.

RedSkyDelights · 27/02/2025 12:12

I agree with PP - how small is small? Your child is thinking of this as a continuation from primary school, not as somewhere he will be for the next 5-7 years. What are both like in terms of GCSE subject offerings? There is often less choice in smaller schools.

Riverliving1 · 27/02/2025 13:21

Thank you. To add school 1 is circa 80 per year, school 2 is 125. We are happy with the GCSE options available.

OP posts:
Starryknightcloud · 27/02/2025 16:44

Oh that size sounds fine to me! I was assuming something like 40 kids vs 100. If he loves it I'd go with the smaller.

incognito119 · 27/02/2025 20:37

We went for small and nurturing for DS and his year group is approx 80 per year. Best decision we made. It was small enough to enable bright boys to be pushed and they brought out the best academically in all the boys. More importantly the pastoral support was amazing which for us was the decider. 80 is big enough in a year group to field decent teams at sport as well for those that want to play .

Chocolate85 · 27/02/2025 20:40

I would choose the smaller, more nurturing one all day long. Teenage years are so difficult, the pastoral care would be what swings it for me.

GravyBoatWars · 27/02/2025 22:08

Go with the one that feels like the best fit for him right now. Fit and their attitude are so important - I wouldn't override a child's strong preference between two schools without a very good reason that I could explain to them in a fairly objective way. 80 per year isn't tiny and it isn't a dramatic difference from 125.

Keep the idea of moving for 6th form on the table (I think everyone should do this, honestly). So right now I would talk about it as him choosing a school for through GCSEs and when considering 6th form offerings I would talk about them in terms of "if you decide to stay there for 6th form they have a great program for X subject" and similar. If he does start to feel a little confined as GCSEs approach then there's a built-in opportunity on the horizon to move to a different environment (and perhaps even some incentive to maximize his GCSE performance to open more options).

Club sports (or any other activity he might be interested in) always offer an opportunity to expand their world a bit as well.

hotfirelog · 27/02/2025 23:22

Riverliving1 · 27/02/2025 13:21

Thank you. To add school 1 is circa 80 per year, school 2 is 125. We are happy with the GCSE options available.

They are both very small. In my area high schools are all 210-360 per year

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