Secondary school nightmare

[RareMentor]

Hi. Hoping for some advice. My daughter is in her first year of senior school. At the 4th choice as despite her autism we did not win her appeal for the school she wanted with the best support for her needs. Now at this school she has just given up, she is exceptionally bright but won't engage in class, do homework or even speak to any other children. She texts from school every day begging to come home. I thought maybe she would settle but she just says she hates it and wants the next 5 years to go quick so she never has to go back. Her confidence is shattered, she seems depressed, she lashes out and is angry all the time. She struggles with social skills and this was something her choice school had great support with, her senco has not spoken to her once at this school.
The reason her appeal was not successful was because our council made 2 mistakes. Firstly did the distance criteria wrong initially so had to offer those children places after the initial intake was done, then did not take into account children with ESPs so again that's a load more they had to offer a place to so they went 21 over their intake...could not offer a place but acknowledged that the school would have been able to support her...if council had not made mistakes she would have got the appeal place...I need to get her out this current school but she is just sat on waiting lists for 4 other schools...her choice and 3 other OK schools...any advice of what I can do to get her a place elsewhere quickly.
Thanks!

What is going wrong in the school?
Is the disappointment of missing out in the other school contributing?

Does she have an EHCP?

If she had an EHCP you could name the school with best provision. Might either from option 2 or 3 support her more?

If the council have made mistakes then regardless of the outcome of the appeal you can take this to the Local Government Ombudsman. They will review your case and if they agree mistakes have been made then they will offer you a place at the school you should have been offered, putting you back in the same position as you would have been. Some of the appeals experts on here should be able to give you more advice on this.

take her out and wait for the school you both want

Thanks for the advice so far really appreciateit, so to answer a few questions...

1. Yes the school is poor, I took her to meet the senco before she started and explained she has diagnosed autism, struggles socially, does not like any physical contact, is literal so often other children find her "rude" and can't handle situations with no "order" ...first words from senco lead ..."oh great we get extra funding for that" my daughter was not impressed and neither was i.

1. From the moment she got her school notification she freaked out, she has older friends in her football team (this is her outlet and the older girls also have ASD, social anxiety and other similar issues, so they understand her and know how to interact with her) go to her prefered school and are very positive about the support they get, the girls from her primary school who went to her now secondary school bullied her for being "weird" ...no issues with bullying now but she is purposefully late every day so get gets detention at break and lunch so does not have to interact with anyone.

1. No EHCP, her diagnosis took so long there was no time and our council were not helpful at all, I quickly did the application for EHCP assessment and they just rejected it, the specialist who diagnosed her told me to appeal as she needs support but I could not understand the process and who to send it to, the EHCP process was not clear and I could not understand what "mediation" was ...they did not guide me just told me to "follow the guidance online"

1. Has too much time passed for ombudsman? Her appeal was in the summer before starting September? I did not even realise there was an ombudsman for the council

1. I wish I could home school her but me and her dad both work full time and I can't afford to not work. She has asked for this a million times but I have a younger daughter too to think about, I feel so bad for her and guilty ...I hate that she is miserable, she is acting out towards me and seems to hate me for sending her to school everyday...her primary school did a supporting letter for the appeal and even said they feel she will be a serious risk of truency if she is not supported and they named her preferred school as one they felt she would get the support she needed.

She is exceptionally bright and lived school and learning in primary but in a short space of time since September hates school, gets detention all the time, has become very angry and nasty and it breaks my heart...I am so worried she will struggle in adult life 😢

@RareMentor This is bad advice. If you take her out of the current school voluntarily then the LA are not obliged to offer another.

It sounds like your daughter has absorbed your anxiety about her current school. Parents who have an unrealistic sense of entitlement about which school is "best" for their child sometimes project negativity about the offered school, which can be disastrous for a child's self confidence. Could this be you? If so, what are you doing to help her see her current school in a positive light?

Hi. I honestly have tried to get her on board with the school, but not interested. I have spoken to her form teacher, and year head and tried to get them to do some clubs for children like music club and art clubs but they are not interested, and suggested a girls football club, but they said no we only do netball for girls which was unhelpful. i try to turn her negative thoughts into positives like when she says she hates school, I have sat her down and explained only she can make a difference and remind her that her football club was once awkward and she gave that a chance and now she loves it, she trains 4 days a week and plays matches Saturday and Sunday and has a close friendship with the girls, but that was because she gave it a chance and although it was very difficult for her, time allowed the other girls to understand her and accept her for who she is.

I am hoping she will in time settle but I am scared that she will just isolate herself further and further, have a very lonely 5 years with no friends (5 months in and she does not have a single school friend) or just start skipping school as she gets older. I just don't know what to do.

Restart the ehcp process and get advice to take it to appeal if needs be. Are you out of time now? The school can help, or do it with your input, but you can request it yourself otherwise.

Yes I wouldn't take her out of the school as that won’t solve anything and certainly won’t make the LA find her a place elsewhere.

I think the first thing to do as @EnnyIssues suggests may be to try to talk up her current school and what is good about it. Is it close to you – so a quick walk away? Are there some clubs she could join? At the school I worked in the library was a haven for any ND students who could go there and play Top Trumps or read quietly at lunch. We also had things like writers’ club and a reading club that were popular with year 7s.

Then I would return to the EHCP application – if her ND is causing such an issue I would imagine it would meet the level. I am no expert but can you get a secondary school named on it even if you are already at a different school?

Is the current school your catchment school? I infer that the preferred school is not. Where are you on the WLs? Is there much movement in your area?

Basically you need to sort this in some way, and that way (depending on WLs and movement) may be to make her current school work for her, at least for the moment.

Sorry x-post with your update @RareMentor but I still think some of what I say stands; shame about the clubs at the school but look into the library as a possible resource. Or the art room? A lot of schools allow kids to sit in the art room i they are keen.

Thank Lizs ...I will try the echp route again, her primary school supported her particularly in year 6 and did special classes with her and a few of their SENCO children with similar issues on social skills and making friends, this really seemed to help her but she is just regressing now and purposely isolating herself, there is just no support from the SENCO at her secondary school, I have complained several times and get all the promises but then nothing happens.
She got detention 3 times on her first week for being 5 mins late to form, but I dropped her off outside on time...turns out that she was waiting to the side for everyone to go in so she did not have to walk with the crowd as she does not like crowds or being touched (including brushed past) or lots of noise...she explained to the teacher but they told her to stop being stupid and just get to class like everyone else. (She had a copy of her diagnosis report which explained her triggers) i got an apology from the year head but they still give her detention if she is late and won't let her come in 5 mins early so she can avoid crowding...it's ridiculous. She is not bothered about the detention in fact she says she likes it as she does not have to go in the yard for break or lunch, I just think it is wrong to not allow some flexibility to allow her to come in a bit early or allow her that 5 mins to walk through after the rush.

@prh47bridge is a MNer with lots of experience and expertise in the legal aspects of admissions and can hopefully advise on how to best address the mistakes made by your Local Authority.

Do they have an individual support plan in place for her? They have to provide support for her in school if she is not coping, even if she hasn't got a diagnosis, it's meant to be based on need. And they shouldn't be giving her detention if she can't cope with sensory overwhelm in corridors. Could you possibly give ipsea a call? They provided us with legal advice to appeal when the school didn't provide effective support due to disability and they were brilliant.

1. Ask, in writing, for a meeting with the senco. At that meeting talk about Equality act reasonable adjustments.

Mention high risk of EBSA (you called it truancy, but EBSA is the preferred term, it stands for emotional barriers to school attendance or emotionally based school avoidance). EBSA is on most local authorities' radar as a hot topic as it has increased so dramatically since covid. Many local authorities have EBSA policies, it would be worth checking online to see if yours has.

1. Ask about Ed psych assessment or plan- do-review. Ideally this would be better before EHCP if that is available in your area, because there is a 6 month wait for EHCP (at least) whereas an EP can give advice that starts the day they see your child.

Good luck.

Thank you DRRuth...that's a really good suggestion...I am hoping that if the school make some effort then hopfully my daughter will start to come around.

If not I will definitely put in writing. So far I have just met face to face or spoken over the phone with the year head and SENCO but probably needs to be more formal now.

I will also look at the ED phych and at the EBSA policy, willing to try anything to just have my daughter in a happier state x

Thanks for your advice

No, she had one throughout primary but nothing from this school, they promised one but nothing. Just seems to fall on deaf ears. She is well behaved at school and they have said they don't have concerns as she is not disruptive and does not cause trouble and does well in her tests, but the issue is she is not coping, not social with anyone and is deeply unhappy, they just seem to be missing the point unfortunately

She does have a medical diagnosis of autism

The errors by the LA are appalling, as is the behaviour of her current school. Unfortunately, the LA's errors make it much harder to get a place at your preferred school. If you would have got a place in the initial admissions round but for the mistakes, that would have been a good case for appeal. It may be true that you would have got a place at appeal but for the mistakes, but that isn't something an appeal panel can take into account nor is it something the Local Government Ombudsman can help with.

As you have already appealed once for the school you want, they don't have to allow you to appeal again unless the situation has changed. It is therefore unlikely you will be able to appeal for this school again until towards the end of the academic year, when you would be appealing for a place in year 8. You can ask and see if they would allow you to try appealing again, but it is likely that your only route to get her into the preferred school at the moment is to get an EHCP naming the school. As another poster says, that will take time. Rather than restart the process, it may be quicker if you appeal the previous rejection.

The other thing you can do is appeal for the other schools for which she is on the waiting list. Don't worry about the fact you've missed the deadline, and all the other appeals have been heard. You are still entitled to appeal, even this late. You can raise the fact that her current school is not giving her the support she needs. That will help your case and may be enough to win your appeal, although you should also look for other ways she will benefit from moving to add to your case.

I also agree with a previous poster that you should meet with the SENCo and see if you can get the current school to do better.

Hope you manage to get this sorted for your daughter. She deserves better than this.

Thanks prh47bridge, great advice, i will try appeal the EHCP or at least get some help with the process.

I will try contacting her 2nd and 3rd choice, both had good SENCO support in place with quiet spaces and spoke about individual plans, clubs and buddy systems which I thought would be good for her. She is on a waiting list but no harm in calling them to see how that's going and explain the situation maybe they can guide me on their appeal process

Thanks again x

If your daughter on the waiting list, what exact reasons for the waiting list have you written? Have you specified that there are particular social and medical reasons?
Child is not happy or has ASD is not enough. You need to show strong evidences.

About ombudsman: you can to write him because rules of LA were broken and it may affect other children as well.

SEN registered children monitored not only by SENCO. There is SEN curator in the council. You can also write to them.

You are free to make a complaint or write your opinion/recommendation to the head teacher if you think your daughter in a disadvantaged position at the school. Then senior school staff will be involved into the process ( different form, mental support, special support/award).

SENCO should to issue something like a pupil passport where should be stated all needs of your child. It should be reviewed yearly or amendments also can be done on your request. All staff should be aware of this passport and follow strategy how to work with ASD/ADHD child. If child needed in medical care - care plan should be issued.

EHCP is a tricky and lengthy. Government intentionally uses strategy to make this process longer and costly for parents. It can take up to two years to reach agreement. But your child is suffering now. School can read EP or HLP reports and can still continue to ignore it balancing that your child academically fine and school policies for everyone. Money given by LA for your SEN child can be spent not only for your child. And your responsibility to make sure that money spent exactly on your daughter.

I will not recommend to remove your daughter from the school. Also I do not recommend to tell that you have to work both or has another chid. School may say that you provided not enough time to look after your child and social services can say “leave you work and look after your kids instead”.

Be realistic and prepare to fight. Otherwise, give up and your bright daughter will be swallowed by the unfair system. There is no other way unfortunately.

When was the refusal to assess for the EHCP received? You have 2 months from the date on the letter to appeal. If you've passed the 2 months you'll need to re-submit the request to assess. The legal criteria for an EHCP needs assessment is simply that the child/young person 'may' have SEN which 'may' require support via an EHCP - it's a low bar. LAs often turn down request and rely on parents not appealing. 98%+ appeals are won by parents so next time make sure you appeal. The refusal to assess letter will give you the name/number of the mediation service - call them and they will explain it all. The IPSEA website is also very helpful.
The EHCP process can be time consuming but an EHCP lasts until young person is 25 (or until they go to uni) so it's worth pursuing. Meantime speak to the school about reasonable adjustments - which they must make based on need.

If your daughter on the waiting list, what exact reasons for the waiting list have you written? Have you specified that there are particular social and medical reasons?
Child is not happy or has ASD is not enough. You need to show strong evidences.

Certainly, if the school concerned actually has an 'exceptional medical / social need' criterion, in order for the DC to be assessed for ranking under this criterion, the correct evidence must be submitted. However, not all schools do include such a criterion in their admissions policy (unlike LAC / PLAC, it is not a requirement). Parents can still highlight as free text their 'medical / social' reasons for wanting a particular school, but if the criterion is not part of the policy, this can't affect the ranking on the waiting list.