15 year old dd constantly in trouble at school

[Thoughtthatcounts]

Dd is 15 years old (year 10) and goes to a grammar school. She had perfect behaviour in primary school although she could be quite challenging at home. I have often wondered if she could have adhd as she never slept at night for years, finds it hard to wait her turn when talking , easily distracted or hyper focused, very explosive temper. There doesn’t seem to be a day when she is not getting in to trouble for talking and being disruptive. I am fully supportive of the school but find it hard when they ask me to make her improve her behaviour. We try and reward for good behaviour at school but also give her consequences for bad behaviour ie not going out with friends. I feel like like things are going to come to a head as I’m getting daily messages about any negative points she receives. I think it is getting her quite depressed. We had 2 lovely weeks off from school where her behaviour was great at home and she seemed much happier but she had gone back today and she has already gained a negative for poor behaviour ( to be fair it is only in 2 subjects that she gets negatives) and she is very grumpy tonight. Should I push for a diagnosis? Any thoughts or advice please.

Ask for a meeting with the school, open up channels of communication. Sometimes they might be giving negative points for distracted, low level behaviour which can rack up the negative points but it's always helpful to have a face to face sit down with her tutor, or Head of Year to fully understand how she is getting these negatives. Is there an underlying issue with another student? School may have noticed change in friendships etc, or maybe you have. Sometimes a change in class could help? Does she need separating from a particular student because they spark off each other? It sounds like she seems unhappy at school, I hope she opens up about any issues and fingers crossed things can be turned around with support from the school!

So it's just the two lessons where she gets the negative points? There are two possibilities here - first, that those two particular teachers give our negative points more readily than others (which means other children will be getting them too), or second, there is something about those two lessons which is causing your child's bad behaviour - maybe the lessons are boring, or maybe she struggles academically in those two subjects?

Mmm? Just two subjects is interesting. Definitely have a chat with school. What has she said about those two lessons?

Thanks for replies. Yes it’s just maths and science that she finds herself in trouble. She does find these the hardest. She is bottom set and she says that there is a lot of disruption in her maths lesson. This morning she is refusing to go to school. I have told her she will have no phone or devices but she is obviously very depressed. She has loads of friends and is very sociable but she is comfort eating all the time at the moment. I will have to speak to the school but the response I usually get is that it must be something we are doing wrong at home. I am willing to try anything but feel like a bit of failure. She is labelled as the naughty defiant child by the school and feel that the school think we have not disciplined her enough. I know deep down this isn’t true as our other child doesn’t behave this way.

@Thoughtthatcounts "She is labelled as the naughty defiant child by the school and feel that the school think we have not disciplined her enough. I know deep down this isn’t true as our other child doesn’t behave this way."

Yup, I was in the same boat. DC1 never got detention, v academic. DC2 had issues from the start of Y7 which were obviously ADHD. School didn't believe me, I ended up pushing for reasonable adjustments and dx which evened DC2 out a lot, plus saved her self esteem. I would absolutely in your position approach the school and kick off a diagnosis. Good luck to you.