Please tell me about attachment trauma theory in schools

[Sharktheheralds]

So I have looked online already and I can't get a consistent view of this so I'm hoping someone might be able to help me understand more about a current predicament.

My DD has been bullied on and off since the start of Yr6 (currently in Yr8) by two girls who have been bullying a lot of other girls since around Yr3. The school has not been great from my perspective - no real sanctions for the bullying until I threatened to get in touch with the police (physical assault) and then no protection for DD after she reported the bullying so she got flack for being a snitch etc

She is also not the only girl being bullied in this way.

I cannot fathom why the school is not doing more to address the bad behaviour. Several girls have left the school already because of these two girls and we are on the verge of moving DD as well. (Indy school in case this is relevant ie they are losing money when girls leave.)

We really had faith in the school being able to sort it out but everything we were promised fails to materialise and it's now getting to the point where DD just finds the whole atmosphere toxic. To her credit, she's more angry than upset but I feel we can't ask her to carry on being resilient to the situation ... but that's a different thread.

What I've heard from the school is that they are an attachment trauma sensitive school so their behavioural policy reflects this. And here's my question: what does this mean from the perspective of dealing with bullying? I understand that kids who have experienced trauma express this in bad behaviour and have attachment issues that make it more challenging for them to regulate their feelings and actions BUT when it gets to the point where other girls are being traumatised by their behaviour, where is the school's duty of care?

Or am I missing something and fundamentally misunderstanding what the school is saying?

Thank you for any light you can shed on this. We are pretty sure we are going to move DD so it's more about helping me understand what the school is doing / saying that I need help with!

I'm sadly not surprised by your post. I've always found it strange on Mumsnet when people say that bullying is handled well by private schools. In real life I've always heard the opposite. Why didn't you inform the police? There's nothing you can do but take firmer action report to police, make a formal complaint or move.

As I said, we are looking at moving DD. I didn't report the incident to the police as the school put sanctions in place that I considered sufficient (once I'd threated going to the police)

What I'm asking for is help understanding the school's reference to attachment trauma

I think it's just as you've said. That they understand theirs reasons for challenging behaviour.

That doesn't override your child's right to safety though. Unfortunately private schools often seem to be worse at this.

Usually when schools talk about trauma theory it links to emotional coaching and restorative justice. Previously, schools would be saying 'no bullying - time out' and the bully then feeling mad about being punished and lashing out further. Now it's more about getting the bully to realise how they are actually feeling, why they are lashing out and the impact this has on others. If done well, it can have a great impact. However, many people don't do it properly.

Thank you @FatsiaJaponicaInTheGarden , that's helpful. I was worried I was missing something as the school kept banging on about their approach like they were getting frustrated that I didn't understand them whereas I am frustrated their approach clearly isn't working!

Thank you @strangelytired that makes a lot of sense. So the theory is valuable but if applied poorly, it's as much as use as a chocolate ironing board which is what I'm seeing in terms of it playing out with DD and the other girls on the receiving end of the bullying. I wonder at what point schools acknowledge their way of doing it isn't working ...

I appreciate your thoughts on it though as I was honestly feeling like I was losing my mind a bit

I think the attachment is just a bit of a side quest tbh. How they handle the bullies is up to them to a certain extent.

But what you need and what they need to tell you is how they're protecting your child and ensure her physical and emotional safety. I'd honestly be constantly on the school's case now until somethings done. Ask for phonecalls/meetings etc and then escalate through the system. Don't sit back. Be assertive etc.

Although if they're unhappy overall it might be a good time to try another achool

Yes @FatsiaJaponicaInTheGarden you're right, it's ultimately about whether their approach works for DD and it doesn't. I was just curious about their constant reference to it like it was something that explained everything and I should be more supportive of it.

I think the fact that the bullying is so widespread and has been going on since Yr3 (although only directed at my DD since the end of Yr6), it feels to me like the school is so wedded to their approach that they are unable or unwilling to change to something more effective. Based on that, we are almost certainly going to move DD and we are currently looking at other schools.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge of the theory, really interesting