Private or State School

[user1476345274]

🌟I’m looking for some genuine advice, please.

Our DS is in year 5 at the moment and we are deciding whether to send her to a local state school or a private school.

Neither me or my husband went to private school, but I’ve experienced first hand racism and witnessed bullying, therefore I wouldn’t want my children to go through similar experiences.

Additionally, I have the impression that private schools generally have better resources and catered to assist children to build their confidence.

The closest high school is Elton high school, it is a very popular secondary school, facilities are good, but students are coming from different backgrounds and some don’t seem interested in learning with behavioural issues, which we understand they are not unusual in any schools, but we are just worried that our children will fall in with the wrong crowd.

The closest private schools generally is Bury Grammar, we went to the Open Day and my DS loved it.

My main concern is whether the fees are worth it? We are financially independent at the moment but will have to cut back on some expenses like holidays and dining outs if we chose the private route.

Sorry for the long post and I look forward to receiving some useful tips and advices.😊

Because I live rurally and my DC goes to a private school 10 miles away in the nearest “city” - which is actually more of a large town. The demographics of the two places are completely different.

@user1476345274 someone has raised racism in private schools. I’m black but London based so can’t advise about the schools you’re interested in but wanted to challenge the principle that private schools are worse for this.

The schools DC are at and which I shortlisted were more confidently antiracist than the state schools in our area. Having been in both sectors I have more confidence it would be dealt with effectively in their current schools (I was quite picky when looking around so may not be the case everywhere). The schools don’t fully represent racial diversity of London but neither does my job. There have been some interesting discussions on black mumsnet if you want to give them a search.

I keep coming back to the thread as both my husband and I were state educated (and I made some negative assumptions about private school which were completely unfounded).

There are some cultures who really really prize education (usually Indian) and will make a lot of sacrifices to send their DC Private and who also believe that Private schools are stricter and they want that. Plus in our county there are a lot of Business people who are Indian or Pakistani who can afford Private. I believe its also a bit of a "flex"
We live in quite a white area of our town but at the Private school that is at the bottom of our road there is quite a high proportion of non white kids that travel from other areas.

Don't let ignorance blind you to reality.
We live in a rural NE area where 99% of state cohort are white. At DDs indy school there are a healthy number of international boarders and recent data shows 37% ethnic diversity. Plus Asian families tend to value education, high grades etc so are more likely to use indy schools if state aren't good.
Just because you live in a multi cultural area doesn't mean the rest of the UK is like that!

I don't know the schools OP describes but I do know that area and I imagine the Private school there will have a high number of non white children

Ignorance is displayed in your rude remarks. I said where I live and not that London is everywhere. How come others were able to explain their perspective in a polite manner and you are incapable of writing post without ad personam digs? Terrible

Where did I make any personal digs?

Well rethink your first and last sentence in what you have written. 🤦🏼‍♀️

You made a blanket statement that racism was more likely in private schools. I think that’s pretty ignorant.

I do not believe that all kids at Eton are super open to diversity and that racism hardly exist. On the contrary, I hear that unfortunately in local privates kids stick to each other in groups depending on the origin of their parents. And in my opinion this is is racial division.

It is pretty ignorant to assume that we live in a similar places and have similar experience. When we write a statement we always base it on our experience. There is no need to repeat " here where I live" or " from my experience" starting each sentence

private school fees have been going up stratospherically for years now and the VAT increases are crazy.

you’re already squeezing yourself so from that point alone I wouldn’t do it. Instead I would be a very activist parent in terms of getting child into academic clubs in half terms and holidays, pay for tutors the minute any English / Maths issues etc. and you’ll still pay out a third of what PS costs.

my DD went to state then PS when I could comfortably afford it (ie no compromise on holidays etc) but I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I did the move because I could see the resources were better (they are)

You said "Private are more likely to observe racism as they have more privileged and entitled kids"
That is an ignorant comment based on sweeping assumptions/prejudice.

You “hear” that! So you don’t have any lived experience. My DC has a very diverse range of friends. He closest friends are black and mixed race whereas he comes from a 100% white family.

My other DC goes to a top state grammar and also has a very diverse range of friends. He intervened when he witnessed one boy being racist to another. Neither of those boys were white by the way.

You are the one making assumptions.

On my street which is around 100 yards to two top UK schools live people who work there: teachers, staff members. Many others have kids at those schools. I talk to my neighbours.

Individual experience is biased and not objective. For instance: various parents had very different experience and opinion about the nursery where my kid attended. The same about primary- I heard an array of opinions.
If the majority of kid stick to their friendship groups that are visibly determined by the racial representation then...we cannot talk about diversity in relationships.

Just because your kids in a grammar school or the other school had different experience it doesn't mean that racism doesn't exist. And it exists very much but is most often subliminal. Nobody will admit that they have not employed you because you are not born in Uk etc

So your experience is biased and not objective but you were quite happy to make a sweeping statement about private schools?!!! Mmm, you need to go away and have a long hard think about your own prejudices.

And as I have told you, my DC’s friendship groups are not determined by their racial representation. If yours are, you need to question your parenting.

And where did I say that racism doesn’t exist. YOU said that it’s worse in private schools because the children are more privileged. I said that you are wrong. That’s not saying that racism does exist.

Listening to multiple people who work at school and those who have kids at school about "friendship groups" based on the same racial origin is a factual observation and not subjective impression. Subjective is individual experience of the school.

No, it is still subjective based on their experience/opinions. Opinions can never be objective. It is still anecdotal data which is subjective
Objective would be the % of ethnic minorities in the school.

I know several people who went to private school and still

• ended up in prison for drug dealing
• never bothered getting a career
• experienced reversed snobbery
• ended up living on the streets

I've experience of people who went to state school

• and have done very well in life

I sincerely believe you need to find a good school that suits your child. Help your child find their passions and persue them. Instill a work ethic. Do not make things easy for them. Provide opportunities for them to be responsible. Teach them about actions and consequences. Have a holistic and measured approach to health, wealth and well-being.

But your statement was about ALL private schools. You don’t have experience of all private schools.

I have experience of people who went to State school and have ended up doing all the negative things you list as well.
Type of school guarantees nothing either positive OR negative, you have to decide which school suits your child best (assuming you have a choice)