Hi everyone,
I just wondered did anyone have any advice, support or has been through a similar situation.
My stbxh and I have come to the point where we have our first mediation session next week to discuss our dd’s secondary school choices and I don’t really know what to expect or how an outcome can be reached.
background: we split in March 2021 and we have 50/50 custody each. We have had a very amicable split up until last Christmas when he became very difficult to deal with. Dd is an only child.
we sold our family home and I bought a cottage in the village dd goes to school and has done since reception.
her primary address for child benefit, doctors and school is my address.
stbxh is in the process of buying a house 10 miles away (about a 30 min drive outside of rush hour traffic). He hasn’t signed contracts yet.
secondary school deadline is 31/10/24.
2 options for secondary school as follows:
my choice - local catchment school, rated good by ofstead. Impressed by the school when we’ve visited, think it will suit my daughter as it’s a smaller school, all on one level, some friends will go there from primary. Daughter will get the bus with other children/friends in the village, it’s about 7 minutes on the bus.
stbxh choice:
school in the village he is moving too. Rated good by ofstead. Larger school. Will walk to school about 15 minute walk.
both schools are under the same trust, and offer the same extra curricular activities, trips etc.
the deciding factors for my choice are as follows:
- daughter has categorically stated she didn’t like stbxh school. She said it was too big, too loud and she doesn’t know anybody there and no one in the village.
- currently as he doesn’t live there she is 10 on the criteria for entry list. If he gets the keys in the next few weeks she will be 5th. It’s a highly oversubscribed school and she is not in a feeder primary school. (She’s 3rd on the criteria for my choice as she attends the feeder and it’s the only school in catchment).
- I will not be able to collect her midweek at 3pm as will need to work. There is no bus service available. if she went to my choice there will always be someone at home when she gets of the bus (either me or my partner who wfh). The bus stop is less than 30 seconds from the house.
- ex thinks she can just go to his dads who lives 15 mins away every day after school. He is 79 and not in the best health and doesn’t drive. Dd is very against this idea. She doesn’t want to go there.
stbxh is adamant she should go to his choice and will not take dds wishes into account. He upset her hugely last week as she was trying to express her opinion and he accused her of being negative for the sake of it.
we have now gone to mediation as I will not send her to a school she hates with no support network in Place. So we are at an impasse.
any ideas on how to try and work through it as there is only a few weeks until the closing date.
he has told me that his parents and him can manage pick ups but last week when she was ill and under his care (I was stranded abroad) he palmed her off to my mum instead of taking time of work or asking his parents. They are not reliable and she doesn’t like spending time with them.
I think that’s the vast majority of info, any help appreciated! I just want her to be happy and I’m so angry he won’t listen to her opinions and has forced us to go down this route.
(apologies for punctuation or spelling mistakes, my head is all over the place!)