Choosing a secondary school

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We are about to apply for a secondary school for our oldest. We were sailing along with 2 options that both DD and parents agreed with. DD was very positive that she wanted to attend either of these until things got real and she has U-turned and wants to go to the school that was never on our radar simply because her best friends are going. They have siblings at this school so it's a given really. This school is second in our catchment. Is Ofsted needs improvement rating. Has quite a bad reputation locally. Do we go where she's happy or where we are happy and she may not be.

I guess it depends on what is important to all of you. If they are academic, then sit them down and appeal to their maturity in making decisions now that could give them better opportunities in the future. If they are less academic and the social side and generally wanting them to just be happy to go to school each day, then for some that is most important.

If it helps, I sent my son to a school outside of our catchment area for all the right reasons and he didn't know anyone. He understood why we were making this choice. He was nervous about starting, but they have transition days and I got him started in clubs where he would still see his old friends and also make some new friends that were going to be at his new school. For what it's worth, both my son and I are thankful we made this decision. It was definitely the right choice for us. They make friends quickly.

It's hard though, the unknown and wanting to make the best decisions for them.

I think you have to do what is best for her, and that isn't where her friends are going. All the friendship groups could change in a few months. Can you appeal to her? Anyone else she knows going to the one you want??

Friendships will change , don't go relying on sustaining them.

DD is a summer born baby and while the tallest in her year she's can be quite immature in her thinking. I've talked to her about the friendship groups changing. She said she doesn't like any of the schools she's viewed. So far we have viewed the 3 that are options. She's not keen on learning at all but does really quite well for someone who doesn't put in much effort.

She sometimes panics when making decisions. Even what to choose from a menu etc and this is no different. She's panicking saying doesn't want any of them so may as well go with her friends. I would mind but they aren't the most loyal anyway.

It's such a tough decision. Thanks for your advice.

My DS said he wanted to go somewhere I didn’t want him to go to. I put my foot down (we had an argument - not the best handling on my part). He soon moved on. Good luck!

Sorry but at this age they haven't got the maturity or foresight to make decisions like this. We chose a secondary for DD where noone she went to primary with was going, because it was the better school for her. Within a few weeks she had made new friends and was settled.
Primary friendships tend not to last in secondary anyway as they spread their wings more so just by starting with friends doesn't mean she will be in any classes with them/be friends still by end of first half term.

I had the opposite with my daughter who really liked one particular school and wouldn't consider another school... despite lots of her friends going there.

She insisted on me not putting the school with primary friends as top choice, so I listened to her and submitted my form. She changed her mind as the year creeped on and I had to email the council to ask her to be added to the waiting list.

Basically, children change their mind, and frankly, at this age, don't really know what's best for themselves. Don't let the 11 yo decide what to do here!

:)

I’d be wary of choosing a secondary school based on where her friends are going - she may end up in completely different classes and hardly see them at school anyway, and it’s not unusual for friendship groups to change during secondary school.

For what it’s worth, DH and I made the final decisions on secondary school choices for our DC because we felt that at 10, he didn’t have the maturity to make a decision that big himself.