Should I pay my older daughter to tutor my younger daughter?

[Tiredalwaystired]

My oldest DD finished her GCSEs with straight 9s in the summer. She’s been making some money on the side since then tutoring other kids the same age as youngest DD.

youngest DD finds science a challenge and gets very frustrated. Out of the goodness of her heart eldest has taken time out of her full on A level schedule to guide her sister through some of the trickier homework. I’ve watched them together and she is really patient. More importantly, younger DD is coming out of her homework calmer and with an understanding of the topic.

Should I just be appreciative of eldest for doing this out of love, or should I give her some cash in return for her tutoring skills? She’s not expecting anything in return but I can see what a difference it makes to her sister and I’m so grateful. Especially as I suck at science!

On the other hand maybe it’s just doing what families should do?

would love to hear views on this as I’m torn.

How old is your youngest dd?

Your eldest doesn’t have to be paid for being kind to her sister. This sounds like a real bonding experience, and you paying the eldest could change that. What a lovely thing for her to do💐

If you asked her to do it, and she wasn’t keen, and it took time away from paying clients then by all means pay her.

I would, however take every opportunity to praise them both ( I’m sure you already are!)

I don't think you need to pay her for helping her sister as she hasn't asked for payment and you didn't ask her to do it. I would however get her a little present or slip her some cash just to say thank you and let her know that it has been noticed and appreciated.

I wouldn't - I think it's lovely that she is doing it just because she wants to and it would feel like a shame to make it about money.

But I would be openly appreciative - as I am sure you already are - and I would also encourage DD2 to do nice things for her sister too

13

OK. So Y9 then?

That's the same age gap as my girls (mine are Y11 and Y8) and I would personally find it very touching if dd1 helped dd2 with any hw. I mean, she already does on occasion, but nothing like hours at a time.

Like pp said, I would not pay her directly, but treat her to something she would like as a reward to say thank you.

I agree with this. Don't make it a formal thing but give her extra cash when she goes out with friends to 'treat yourself' and say you are proud of her for helping her sister. Make sure to praise your youngest too for her progress.

I wouldn’t pay her, but I’d probably get her a thank you gift and praise her for helping her sister.

I would pay her actually. I have teens this age, and I think it's a fair recognition of the time she's giving up to do this.

My DD did the same and I used to give him cash on an ad hoc basis to say thank you. It was really helpful to younger DD and I was unable to help. I think it's nice to recognise the effort, time taken, patience etc

I wouldn't set an hourly rate or anything but firstly I would make clear to her how much I appreciated it and what an excellent job she is doing. Secondly I would probably give her some money and tell her to get something nice or go out with her friends. Teenagers can always use a few quid and she sounds ace.

Wow how lovely of your DD.

I can see why you think of paying her but I am not sure I would as it might make what sounds like a lovely thing into a chore. But I would certainly give her some money to say thank you or maybe buy her a gift (earbuds, jewellery, something she really wants) to say thanks.

I wouldn't pay or give any extra money for a treat. It changes the nature of the interaction. Just helping someone she loves is the reward in itself.

I'd thank her and treat her a bit definitely

I’d buy her a little something, like a little locket of something (or both of them) just to say how proud you are of them working together.

I spent plenty of time in my school days tutoring other kids (unpaid). It was a great way to learn the topics really well.

I definitely wouldn't pay your older DD in cash but do offer her a treat, day trip to a nice place or similar to thank her.

Sometimes work for cash (extrinsic reward) feels less fun than work for love or enjoyment (intrinsic reward) so if your kids are doing the right thing for love or enjoyment, don't confuse matters by introducing cash.

I wouldn't there is a research study done on litter picking, members of the public were asked to either give up time to do a 10 minute litter pick for free or the other group were offered £5. Less people took up the paid position and the 'job' satisfaction was also much lower for the paid group. Giving your time has its own rewards.

I might keep it unrelated and pay for a cinema trip for the girls as a treat for both of their hardwork.

It sounds like she's doing it for the best reasons and I expect both are getting something out of it. I wouldn't interfere other than telling them both that you've noticed how they are working so well together and it makes you feel proud.

Thanks everyone. I was thinking about something as hoc but was wondering whether I was taking advantage of her by not paying her. I’ll give her some treat money.