11+/Divorce/Bursary

[NeuroMum888]

My DD is due to write 11+ exams in the next few months. She's quite bright and we are hoping to gain a scholarship. We have actively looked at bursaries as well since we could not afford the full fees. However, my husband has recently asked for divorce. I initially thought it would be best not to do anything that could upset our chances at a bursary but now I think it may be the opposite. Does anyone have any advice on this? For what it's worth he wouldn't have the children overnight at any point, and if he did it would be quite rare so I would have the lion's share of parental responsibility. Both our children are in independent school but the soon to be ex has never really been on board with it so I doubt he would be willing to pay more than he would need to in maintenance.

It's normal for divorce financial settlements to include formal agreements for what will happen about school fees if children are in the independent system. If your children's fees have been being paid from your stbxDH's salary for years, you may be able to obtain a court order for this to continue.

Obviously you don't have time to get the divorce finalised before it's time to apply but I would expect school bursary procedures to take a very skeptical attitude to applications from families where they are applying on the basis of there being a wealthy parent who could pay the fees but isn't willing to do so.

In the state secondary school allocation process there's a well known lopphole of the "temporary split up" where the parents break up and the mum moves in with grandma, taking the children with her, for just long enough for grandma's address in the catchment of #lovelyschool to be used for applications, and then hurrah the parents get back together again as soon as school places are secured - and admissions staff are wise to this technique. I suspect that if it was possible for a theoretically-planned-but-not-yet-enacted divorce to be used as a means of obtaining a bursary, it would become such an over-used technique that it would quickly become something that schools specifically exclude from their assessment procedures.

It's such a comprehensive - quite intrusive process. Even with split parents, both have to submit their full disclosures of income and expenses etc separately. To not do that would require a very good reason why (maybe deceased or parent has never ever had contact nor input).

I would expect school bursary procedures to take a very skeptical attitude to applications from families where they are applying on the basis of there being a wealthy parent who could pay the fees but isn't willing to do so.

Absolutely this. I know someone who was treated very well when her child who was already at the school went through divorce - but there was pretty clear statements that dad has basically cut all contact.

Why do you have 2 children in independent now if you can’t afford it? Is the 11+ the older one and primary is cheaper so it’s just the senior years you can’t afford?

Thank you for your responses. This is not a case of a 'wealthy' parent not wanting to pay. We are roughly equal earners, him maybe a few grand more a year. We would have had to apply for the bursary whether or not we split. The primary school is half the price of the secondary. I was just looking for advice from those of you who have been through this to know what would be the best way forward for my DD. As many of you I am sure, I just want what's best for her and trying to plan accordingly.

I’m not sure what you’re saying - that with enough bursary you could afford it without him? But that’s exactly the point - he would be a wealthy parent refusing to pay.

I mentioned my friend above. What really helped her was the specific school. 2 years before she’d been offered bursaries by 2 schools. One was GDST and there was zero flexibility. Set of central criteria, no variation. The other school is a really old school and standalone, big coffers. Their bursar had the authority to make any decision they wanted. The meeting was intrusive, but also very friendly. When she had to “prove” that dad was refusing contact, the school person was passing her tissues whilst she asked were shitty text messages “evidence”, and telling her not to worry. So that’s something to consider for you - how flexible the school is.

if your child get a place at a independent school then I think that both parents usually need to sign the forms to say they will be liable for the fees (even if they are reduced due to scholarship). Would he sign the forms to allow them to go there? If not, then the school may refuse your child - unless you go to the courts, which you won't have time to do. This may vary school to school as to whether one parent, or both, sign the acceptance forms. Bear this in mind.

Have you considered grammar school applications? If your child is bright then this might be a much more reliable option. You might have missed sign up for the grammar school entrance exams though - many are early September. It sounds like you have an unpredictable year ahead of you so I'd suggest making sure you visit and apply for state school applications - 31st October is often the deadline.

You need to email the bursars at all the schools you are considering and ask if you could talk to someone about what might be possible. Any good school will be happy to talk you through what might be available to you and what bearing the divorce and your husband's attitude may have on the situation. They would normally expect both parents' finances to be disclosed and for both parents to be contributing to any fees or percentage of fees due but some schools (as a PP said usually the older or bigger name schools) may have more free reign over what they can offer.