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Secondary education

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Original poster

I just need to vent - GCSE results lower than expected

31 replies

historiccastles · 26/08/2024 16:04

I feel like I've let my daughter down.

She got her GCSE results on Thursday and while they were objectively good results, they were lower than she had been predicted. She still got into her sixth form of choice to do 3 A levels but she had to change one of her options as she didn't get the grades for it. Based on the grades, I'm not sure her preferred universities are going to be an option as they mostly wants 3 As at A Level and this is feeling less likely.

She seems fine with the results. She's a very level headed young lady. I know she'll find her path. I know it's more important she's happy and healthy than what grades she gets. But I still feel responsible because I was completely taken aback and now I am second guessing all my parenting decisions. If I'd done x or y differently, would she have been better supported and have met her predictions?

Everyone was telling me she'd be fine, she'd sail through with mostly 7-9s and the odd 6, but she didn't. I just don't know what happened. I feel like I dropped the ball and my daughter is the one who is affected.

OP posts:
NyeRobey · 26/08/2024 16:15

How can she already have preferred universities? Unless she is doing the typical Oxbridge/ Durham/ Bristol /Exeter thing of the able Southern middle classes? I assume she can't have visited any of the universities yet?

These things have a way of working themselves out. She'll find a uni course that suits. She will be ok, you know.

My own bright son had a mental breakdown at sixth form and now aged 23 he is just starting to emerge from his bedroom with his carer. He didn't go to uni at all as he was too unwell and he now gets high level pip as his only income. However he is alive, and happy, and there were times I thought he wouldn't be.

There are things to stress about and worry about in parenting. That your daughter may not get into a "3 As at A level" university really, truly, honestly isn't one of them.

trickortrickier · 26/08/2024 16:17

You just need some perspective. Firstly, they were her exams, not yours. Your DD is showing some admirable resilience. I've no doubt she was disappointed for herself and for you. However, she has re-focused, talked to the sixth form and found a way forward without any drama. I'd be very proud of her. It is about her at the end of the day, not you.

DreamW3aver · 26/08/2024 16:20

The A levels are now nearly 2 years away, she needs to see them as a new challenge, forgwt the results and knuckle down o. Her chooaen subjects

And maybe ignore what "everyone" says her results will be

pizzaHeart · 26/08/2024 16:23

It could be, yes, but could be still the same. It’s natural to second guessing yourself in this situation and I’m all for looking back and learning from experience but not too much, at the end of the day it was her exam and it’s how she managed it.
She’s got good grades to continue to sixth form it’s something to celebrate and to be proud of.

tothelefttotheleft · 26/08/2024 16:35

GCSEs are just a stepping stone.

This experience may have taught her something. She may come into her own for her A levels.

Hummock · 26/08/2024 16:36

Please just be happy that DD did her best and passed all her GCSEs and still has a good chance of doing well at A level. The best way to support her with A level is to let her carry on working hard as she is already doing and I wouldn't put pressure on her to get certain grades for a particular institution. Next summer take her to open days (if she wants to go to uni) and and encourage her to apply to unis with a range of entry requirements.

The only thing I would be frustrated with is the college telling her she has to change one of her choices. What subject was it and what did she get? What is their rationale?

NyeRobey · 26/08/2024 16:36

Btw my DH failed a year at uni after sailing through school on not much work, not much revision but getting slightly disappointing results that nonetheless were enough to keep progressing to the next thing he wanted. He credits that failed year for all his subsequent success. He was suddenly confronted with the consequences of not working hard.

He says it was the single most important thing that happened to him in his education; much more important than all the success he cruised through up until then.

SilkFloss · 26/08/2024 16:47

Why do you want to take responsibility for her exam results? They're hers and are the end product of the work she put in.
If they're not quite what she had in mind, then there are questions she needs to ask of herself.

mondaytosunday · 26/08/2024 16:48

It's the child who studies and takes the exams. I did not grow up in this country and my English educated husband passed away years ago, so GCSEs were new to me. My eldest did terribly - after getting 4/5/6 in mocks he got 3/4s in the actual exams. I too thought what had I done wrong? Not pushed him enough!? Not nagged enough? Not got a tutor in? It was down to him not revising, and I felt I had been encouraging and supportive, worked with him to set a revision schedule and went over bits he had trouble with, but I still felt partially to blame too.
Then it was my DDs turn and she worked and worked and I could see what it took to get 8/9s. I didn't do a thing.
It didn't change my sons outcome in that he had already decided on a vocational college, but it has closed off some options- if he wanted to go to uni now he'd have to take an access course. But it was a big blow to his confidence.
I think your child's results has to be taken as a lesson that it takes A LOT of work to do well in these exams. Sure there are kids who seem to do the minimal and do very well, but most who get top grades work bloody hard.
Luckily there are many good unis out there who will take a range of grades. But I wish it wasn't such a degree driven society! So many jobs don't need a degree, but it seems candidates are favoured over non degree applicants, even if the subject itself is irrelevant. Surely my son's three year plus work record is as good as a degree in English if applying for a job on Tesco Training scheme (as an example)?

Oblomov24 · 26/08/2024 17:07

They are her exams. She needs to accept and address any that were lower than she hoped. And properly address it. But A'level's are a totally different ballgame.

Testina · 26/08/2024 17:13

You know her A levels are 2 years away, right?
Plenty of time for her to work out why she got lower results than predicted and if that means she needs to change her uni plans or her study approach.

Bibbetybobbity · 26/08/2024 17:21

I think allow yourself to feel this disappointment. Brushing it away isn’t going to work- you’re feeling it, if you could snap out of it right now you would have, so lean in. Write out exactly how you’re feeling, every last bit of it, then shred. Do the same tomorrow, and repeat until you start to feel lighter. Sometimes things bother us, and you objectively know that it’ll pass and that obviously there are worse situations in life, but equally you’re allowed to wallow for a minute and process all of the hard emotions this has brought up. That’s what I’d do and even if you don’t believe this yet, you will feel lighter about it all and it’ll be old news soon enough.

Neveragain88 · 26/08/2024 18:29

Sorry, probably my message will sound harsh but I need to write it down.
I do not understand what help you need.
How do you feel responsible for her exams?
But mainly, “preferred universities” at 15? Please….

Maybe your only fault is to have given her too many expectations in her young life.
You sound like those mums that because their child is good and not excellent at football they are upset when at 15 they get told they will probably never play in the premier league.

From the bottom of my heart, she sounds she has done great so give her a hug and go to celebrate the wonderful results.

ToBeDetermined · 26/08/2024 18:33

There have been studies on grade predictions and accuracy. Turns out that teachers often predict higher grades than the grades actually achieved. I don’t think you let your DD down, I think it’s just that you treated predicted grades with too much gravity. They are on average inflated, unless you are not white, in which case teachers tend to predict grades lower than those actually achieved.

Your DD’s life is her life and perhaps a change in choices is not a bad thing, my DD changed her preferred degree three times between GCSEs and first day at Uni.

Poppyling · 26/08/2024 18:37

Neveragain88 · 26/08/2024 18:29

Sorry, probably my message will sound harsh but I need to write it down.
I do not understand what help you need.
How do you feel responsible for her exams?
But mainly, “preferred universities” at 15? Please….

Maybe your only fault is to have given her too many expectations in her young life.
You sound like those mums that because their child is good and not excellent at football they are upset when at 15 they get told they will probably never play in the premier league.

From the bottom of my heart, she sounds she has done great so give her a hug and go to celebrate the wonderful results.

👏👏 Agree

TeenToTwenties · 26/08/2024 18:37

@Hummock 6th forms of all flavours will have grade requirements for specific A levels. Eg Many/most require a 7 in maths to do maths A level. Some even require 8s.
If the DC got lower GCSEs than expected then some A levels may now be out of reach.

BrainNotAvailableTryAnotherOne · 26/08/2024 18:40

TeenToTwenties · 26/08/2024 18:37

@Hummock 6th forms of all flavours will have grade requirements for specific A levels. Eg Many/most require a 7 in maths to do maths A level. Some even require 8s.
If the DC got lower GCSEs than expected then some A levels may now be out of reach.

And how does this help the OP, precisely?

Dearover · 26/08/2024 18:43

@BrainNotAvailableTryAnotherOne TeentoTwenties was responding to this comment from Hummick:

The only thing I would be frustrated with is the college telling her she has to change one of her choices. What subject was it and what did she get? What is their rationale?

LottieMary · 26/08/2024 18:47

Just warn her that a level ‘’target’ grades are statistically based on GCSEs but along the lines of 10% who got a grade 7 get an A, 15% of them get a B etc - they’re completely movable. She needs to decide what path to take and think about how to get there,

Original poster
historiccastles · 26/08/2024 19:23

I haven't and won't express any of this to her but ... I feel how I feel.

She hasn't visited universities, no, but she knows the cities she'd like to live in as she's visited those.

She had to drop Psychology. She needed a 6 in Biology and got a 5. It's a sixth form at a different school and they don't know her so I get why they said no.

I guess I feel responsible because we moved house to an area with fewer good schools so I sent her private and now I worry it wasn't the right choice for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
historiccastles · 26/08/2024 19:32

I myself had a chequered academic path and I became very mentally unwell at 17 when I did badly in my AS levels. I subsequently dropped out of uni but went back and now have a PhD so I absolutely know all setbacks are temporary. I guess I'm scared she'll react like I did to my AS levels but so far she seems okay.

OP posts:
ToBeDetermined · 26/08/2024 19:35

It’s for her own good she can’t take Psychology, the minimum GCSE grade is to protect students from starting an A level they probably cannot pass.

On a brighter note, Psychology is very oversubscribed in terms of number of jobs are far fewer than degreed jobseekers. Too, she doesn’t seem upset with picking different choices. This could be a happy 😃 chance that gets her onto a course she loves and excels in.

PrimalOwl10 · 26/08/2024 19:38

They aren't your exams. Please don't voice this to your dd. Nothing worse than parents putting pressure of their kids to perform to their own standards.

pinkroses79 · 26/08/2024 19:38

I honestly wouldn't worry too much yet. Let her start sixth form and enjoy it and see how it goes. My son got mostly Cs and some Bs at GCSE, and then got As at A Level.

ToBeDetermined · 26/08/2024 19:38

historiccastles · 26/08/2024 19:32

I myself had a chequered academic path and I became very mentally unwell at 17 when I did badly in my AS levels. I subsequently dropped out of uni but went back and now have a PhD so I absolutely know all setbacks are temporary. I guess I'm scared she'll react like I did to my AS levels but so far she seems okay.

Ah that explains a lot in your reaction. Part of you may be worried history is repeating itself and you understandably don’t want your DD having as challenging a time as you did. It’s ok to be on high alert, I am guessing if your DD did have setbacks like you, she’d have a lot more support than you did! As you truly know what it is like. You’re a good mum and your DD is lucky to have you.