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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Friendship

13 replies

schoolconfused · 04/07/2024 15:04

My DD who is in Year 7 has done so well in her new secondary school. She comes home happy, grades are very good, teachers have good things to say about her and always never alone during break or lunch time. Just that, as a mother, I get a feeling that she has not made close friends. she is always with someone or the other and not in a constant group. She never gets invites to birthdays or play dates or shopping trips. She had one birthday since starting this school and no one wished her. She sees her friends posting pictures with others for their birthdays or outings but she is not bothered by any of it. She is actually least bothered by it all. I know she is not suppressing her feelings but inside me, as a mother I feel bad. I do not want to tell her or show it as she is happy and do not want her to feel bad. How can I help or should I leave it as long as she is not bothered. While in a school fair or while waiting for me to pick her up from school, she is always with some friends. She is never alone but I do not see that relationship outside school. Is it something I am blowing out of proportion or can I help her in anyway.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 04/07/2024 15:05

Dd1 only really got close friends from year 10. She was happy though. So long as your dd is happy, don’t worry.

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 15:30

have you posted before about your daughter and lack of close friends?

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 15:30

what was primary like?

doubledupp · 04/07/2024 15:32

Sounds like you’re more bothered about it than she is, back off before you make it into a thing.

PuppyBed · 04/07/2024 16:18

It's not unusual, my dd was like this but friendship firmed up in year 9. It's not bad as she is not feeling left out. Young teens are more their real self, from year 9 or 10 so and it makes sense to find closer friends around that time. Also the fewer very close friends, the less risk of drama or falling out. Your dd is doing well. Does she have friends at hobbies outside of school?

schoolconfused · 04/07/2024 16:23

PuppyBed · 04/07/2024 16:18

It's not unusual, my dd was like this but friendship firmed up in year 9. It's not bad as she is not feeling left out. Young teens are more their real self, from year 9 or 10 so and it makes sense to find closer friends around that time. Also the fewer very close friends, the less risk of drama or falling out. Your dd is doing well. Does she have friends at hobbies outside of school?

She is always happy and social in any setting outside and inside school as well.

OP posts:
schoolconfused · 04/07/2024 16:24

doubledupp · 04/07/2024 15:32

Sounds like you’re more bothered about it than she is, back off before you make it into a thing.

Thanks for your reply. I just wanted the reassurance. I haven't expressed anything to her. I just observe and ask who she had lunch with and how the day was etc and she is always giving a very happy perspective of her day. It is just that I do not see any of these ppl reaching out outside school etc which made me cautious. I will let it rest then. Thank you

OP posts:
schoolconfused · 04/07/2024 16:26

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 15:30

what was primary like?

Similar story there. She always was happy and had a set of friends always. Not constant and not one close friend but everyone really or whoever was available that day. In primary she was invited to more parties as generally a wider group was invited and parents generally drive the decision and not the kids but. Teachers were never concerned of her social skills in primary.

OP posts:
schoolconfused · 04/07/2024 16:27

lovetoshare81 · 04/07/2024 15:30

have you posted before about your daughter and lack of close friends?

No, have never posted about this subject.

OP posts:
MarchingFrogs · 05/07/2024 07:54

Do you have to pick her up from school? I'm just wondering whether she would have more of a chance to get in with a group if they were e.g. going to get a milkshake or just walking to a bus stop together after school?

SamPoodle123 · 05/07/2024 09:38

I think it is normal, esp if they entered school with no friends. It takes time to find their friends. DD got lucky and met her close friend at the start (same form and sat next to each other). However, she seems to also float around different groups sometimes with her friend or without. And she has also made good friends with another girl not in the same form. It takes time to know who you will mesh with. I remember it was the same when I started secondary school. Some people had their groups because they were in primary together, but many formed new groups etc.

Bertielong3 · 09/07/2024 07:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MamaBear4ever · 09/07/2024 07:38

My daughter made a lot of friends at high school and wasn't part of a tight friendship group until year 9. They all change about so much at this age, fall out with each other etc, she's doing the right thing having a wider circle of friendships until she finds her people. They also switch classes about in high school and she will meet others she hasn't known before. Her ability to get on with lots of people will help her immensely. It will come

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