Teen girls, periods & toilet access - how does it work for your daughter?

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So I have many issues with DD’s right now, this is just one of them.

DD is 13, started her periods approx 6 months ago.

Her school previously had 100min lessons (x3 a day), not really allowed to go to the toilet during lessons.
When she started her periods, she found out herself from her Pastoral Lead that she could request a toilet pass every time she had a period so she could access the toilets during lessons by showing this pass to her teachers. Obviously this meant she had to go to the pastoral person, say she had her period, get the pass. And everyone in lessons would pretty much know too. But at least she could go.

Now school are trialing 60min lessons (which I totally agree with and thought the 100mins was crazy - esp as an ex-teacher and I briefly taught there years ago). This means the gap between breaks is now 120minutes though. Allocated 30secs to change lessons (separate issue!) and definitely not allowed the toilet in that time.

So, back to pastoral team to ask for toilet passes but…now the pastoral team only accept written paper slips for requests for anything. The woman has put her hand up to DD and said no you can’t come in to talk to me, you have to submit a slip. Once Dd submitted a slip about bullying (another huge separate issue) and the lead said she didn’t get it for a month. Not going to work for the toilet pass!

DD is pretty capable and has spoken to the SENCo team lady who is lovely (DD has dyslexia so knows her from that and collecting laptops during the school day, not sure how that’s going to work in the 30secs either!). This lady has said she will sort a permanent toilet pass for DD but it hasn’t materialised yet.

How do your DD’s manage at their schools? What is normal? I will be contacting school anyway about other issues but want to know what’s standard before I raise this too.

i do not normally contact school I would like to point out. I’m an ex teacher I want to leave school to get on with it. But I go from dormant to some sort of raging mama bear and I can feel it rising!

I think it is so difficult for girls and the strictness of some schools regarding access to the loos is not acceptable. You'd think schools would be better at managing this in this day woudn't you. I have also heard of schools who don't let the girls skip swimming (stupid eh).
Double protection is good option (good absorbancy period pants and night pad) for really heavy days at school.

You don't need to skip swimming on a period.....

If you have heavy periods and can’t use tampons then you can’t do a swimming lesson. The period swimsuits on their own don’t hold heavy flow, flooding or clots well.

FEMALE SENDCO said "yes, of course they can wait, periods are a normal part of life and they should be better organised if female staff can manage it the students can"

This makes my blood boil. Their is a big difference between adults who have had years to regulate and get use to their periods than teenage girls. Even as an adult I’ve been caught out, had to excuse myself from meetings because of my period.

Also every single woman is different. I have friends who don’t even bat an eye at having a period as they have never had heavy or painful periods. Where as I have had so many investigations due to excruciating painful periods all my adult life. As a teenager I regularly fainted when my period arrived.

My DDs haven’t started theirs yet so I’m not sure how their school handles these situations, I agree with @isthesolution that I will tell my dd if she needs to go she goes if she genuinely needs to even if she’s told no.

My current issue at the moment is unisex toilets at my other dds primary school and the ks2 feeling unsafe due to some behaviour from older boys in the school.

I also had heavy periods as a teen and reading through this thread has been a bit eye-opening and depressing.

I remember sitting in a double history lesson at 15, and feeling myself start to flood a pad (despite wearing a super-plus tampon). I remember trying to sneak another tampon out of my bag and up my sleeve before raising my hand and asking the teacher if I could use the bathroom. She snapped "can you not wait until after class?" and I remember my cheeks burning as everyone stared at me and I explained that it was urgent.

Even now in my late thirties, a heavy period can sometimes mean I go through a super-plus tampon in 2 hours. I have to set alarms to get up and change during the night despite doubling up.

It is hard enough to navigate heavy periods as a teen without people putting roadblocks in the way. We should treat teenagers with some respect and privacy to manage their personal care. Punish those that break the bathroom rules rather than everyone.

That’s an appalling and ignorant statement.
See if your dd can use the female staff loos (only if they don’t have to share the space with the male teachers)

The problem she’ll find is that the toilets will
most likely be locked. So even if she leaves without permission, she won’t be able to access a toilet.

No response other than an email this morning from the lady I’m trying to speak to, to say she was off yesterday, but she didn’t even try and call me.

I have rung again, left another message and emailed again.

Have requested confirmation of a permanent toilet pass for DD to collect tomorrow, so will see if anything comes of that.

Toilets aren’t locked. I’ve already confirmed this with the school.

In the kindest possible way, a non urgent toilet pass isn't top of anyone's priority list. Especially if senco/pastoral was off yesterday, there will likely be a lot of stuff they need to deal with.

Write your dd a note she can hand to a teacher in the event of her needing it tomorrow and try to relax.

She ended up coming home halfway through the day anyway as she was in pain with cramps.

The Senco knows I want to discuss other issues, not just the toilet pass, and she had DD in her office in tears earlier in the week so I feel DD might already be on her list to do something about.

She did call me today but I was in a job interview so missed it, now the office is closed.

but, in better news, DD passed a late entry exam for a local grammar school so will be moving there in Sept. Makes most of the issues redundant. Will try and find out what the toilet access is like at the new school, but it is all girls so hopefully better 🤞

Oh and DD forgot to tell me, she got her permanent toilet pass this morning!

Sorry for posting on an old thread but I know parents with similar concerns may find this here and people who posted here may be interested in this

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/731355?fbclid=IwdGRjcAN6siZjbGNrA3qx3mV4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDDM1MDY4NTUzMTcyOAABHv0SDXhFg0y-n_QLAmstzeyjMmQsgKTMxj8ZlxrhFGVnb_9JDbu7RLikDTPT_aem_jP0mo9WItNXAMZRGKeFKHg

I want to see this solved before my daughter starts school and I'm worried about sending her into an environment where using a toilet is an issue

Part of the original question is what do parents do; choose a school which allows toilet access.
Dgd has to this point always attended small private schools no locked toilets.
Excellent idea to petition for!

We have just picked secondary schools and honestly this was my main priority. Yes we looked at grades and ethos but for every open day we asked about the toilet policy. In two schools we noticed they were deadbolted! I just find it ridiculous.

The best school we saw had floor to ceiling cubicles and wash basins out in the hallway which made a lot of sense as a far better way of discouraging loitering.

We put free period products in the girls' toilets. Within a school day they had been ripped open, stuck to the walls, and tampons shoved down the loos and sinks, blocking them.
This was girls going during lesson time.
No school can afford to have someone permanently on duty. I do a toilet duty at break time, like most staff.
I tend to let girls go, even without a pass, but I have been reprimanded.

As pp have said, it's not really "loitering" that's the problem.
It's vandalism, costing ££££, vaping, self harm and bullying. I wish there was a better solution.

School toilets and their rules are crazy. I don't quite understand why.

I read @IsoldeWagner 's post and thought what a great school and then I read that the very people who were being supported have used the supplies to destroy the loos. WTF?!

My DD is yr11 and her sister went to the same school so we're on for 8yrs of this v good school. The intel continues to be that there's no option, even for 'naice' girls like my DDs. The loos are locked during breaktimes (presumably to prevent vandalism and vaping - heat sensors installed to spot the former). If pupils ask to go during lessons they're told, 'Why didn't you go during break or between lessons?' But the loos are mostly locked and if pupils are late to lessons, they're sanctioned... We live in a leafy commuter town, a twee Cathedral city full of high flyer types - 59mins to London on the direct train.

It makes no sense if they're locked at break time, @tarheelbaby . The only time we do that is when the vandalism has been bad, or they reek too much of vape.
This is a school in a nice suburb, we got exemplary in the new Ofsted ratings. However some students just want to disrupt and destroy and their parents just blame the school, as per.

I would definitely have needed a pass (fortunately, my school was not on the dark ages!!) if I wasn’t able to go to the loo. I also went home several times when I stood up and I could feel the flooding that meant I couldn’t sit down again without going to the loo. Anyway.. as a teacher now it’s just not the same. I’ve got power I didn’t have at school, no one can tell me i cabt go to the loo. I was mortified as a 14 year old, but now if I leaked I’d be ok to deal with it. I think it’s different for young girls, they are still learning how to deal with their own body, their patterns and individual needs.

OP make sure your daughter has good period pants. No reason she can’t wear them daily for a while. When her period comes get her to wear a tampon/ moon cup as well as the pants and even pop a liner on top of she wants. A moon cup is ideal, but I didn’t use one til I was an adult so might be fiddly if there aren’t self contained bathrooms. Carry small packs of antibac wipes and wet wipes etc.

I ultimately went on the pill to control my cycle and super heavy periods. It was a game changer.

I never stop students going to the toilet. I might gently discourage "Can you hang on till the end of the lesson?" They either say yes or no and then I let them go.

Yeah, that's what I do.

What a stupid petition.

A petition to allow kids to leave lessons whenever they like to meet with their mates and go to enclosed rooms with no cameras or teacher visibility to do whatever they like.

I'm sure that won't be abused at all.

Agree. It’s a daft petition