Low level bullying/unkindness year 7

[Thingsthatgo]

My DS can be a bit of a target for unkindness. He has ASD traits and isn't bothered by fitting in to social norms. He is generally happy, kind and pretty nerdy, he is academically top of his year and he is very confident with great self esteem.
He has a gang of mates who are all lovely.
At school there is quite a lot of banter which spills over into unkindness, remarks about his physical appearance or his geekiness. They don't seem to bother him too much, but he does tell me about them and it happens all the time.
Would you do anything? I don't want to make it worse, and I can't imagine that the teachers can do much anyway.
('Stop telling Alex that his ears stick out'! They are a bit old for that).
Any words of advice?

Bump

I'm sorry this is happening to your son. I do actually think that it's better to take it to the school sooner rather than later. Leaving it means that it may escalate and I am sure the school would not be happy to hear about this.

Thank you - yes, I think you are right. I am just terrified of making things worse.

report to the school - there isn't really any such thing as "low level" bullying. and school cant act if they dont know

Definitely report earlier rather than later, these things escalate and can get worse. I’m sorry this is happening to your son, I can totally empathise with you. Nobody wants to be that parent but we have to protect our kids.

Please report this to the pastoral staff/head of key stage.
These boys just need to be spoken to, and made clear about boundaries. You can also ask teachers to keep an extra eye and ear out. You won't make anything worse.

Please report this to his Tutor and HoY.

It's not banter it's bullying: do speak to the pastoral team.

I'm a y7 form tutor and there's a lot of this. They should be too old to be for this sort of stuff but ime, many display such immaturity at times.

Thank you. I will report it, I appreciate the support from you all.

I would definitely report.

Just let us know if you need any more help or support if there's a meeting etc. many of us will have a lot of experience, and can help.

I would also ask him how he is responding when they say this. As much as the school should sort it out, there is very little chance that they will sort it out.

@SuziQuinto thank you so much. That's really lovely of you, and has really helped me feel empowered.

@TheYearOfSmallThings he just ignores it/doesn't respond, but he is not very good at hiding his feelings in his face.
He is such a kind, funny, gentle boy, but also confident and clever and happy.

No problem at all.
I've been Head of KS3, currently Ho KS4. I have dealt with this sort of thing often!
Sometimes just knowing the wording which would help, makes a difference. Let me know.

From my experience we shouldn’t be scared or think we’re making a fuss. Bullying is not acceptable at any level. My son is vulnerable to these unkind remarks, he has friends, quirky, smart and one of the kindest kids. He is also happy but subject to really vile comments.

Exactly. The number of times a student says to me "I don't want to make a fuss" or a parent says the same or "I don't want to be that parent" I always say - you're not, you're doing the right thing!

It's not so much that I don't want to make a fuss, I am more worried that it will make things worse for my son rather than better. If these children get told off for being unkind to him they might step up their bullying rather than backing down.

I completely understand why you might feel like that but actually you are far better tackling it now in Y7 rather than waiting until it escalates and the children involved are older and less receptive to adult input. If it does get worse, you do just have to keep on going back to school and making it clear you won't go away until they fix it (politely, of course). DD had a problem at the beginning of Y8 so I do understand how it feels.

I also think your son needs to understand that this isn't acceptable and that you are on his side here. It might not be bothering him now but if it escalates because there are no consequences then it will bother him. Best to avoid that happening, I think.

Sending you strength and hugs.

No, generally that doesn't happen. Most students back down when they get a warning. Others understand where the line is. I have never found bullying to escalate when it's challenged.
It only thrives in a culture of poor management and lack of will to tackle it.

@SuziQuinto is the expert here. But I will just say that my experience as a parent matches hers as a teacher. The problem my daughter had at the start of Y8 was sorted out in less than 24 hours never to reappear once I contacted school.

Thanks, @TheRainItRaineth - if the pastoral lead acts decisively, it can be sorted out surprisingly quickly.

I was amazed. I did expect it to rumble on and need me to keep on at them, but they were kind, efficient and effective. The whole experience left me and DD feeling really supported and really confident to approach them with problems in the future.

Schools are variable when it comes to bullying.A good school will tackle low level bullying but you find many just ignoring the problem.My dcs were the victims of racist bullies and the school just paid lip service to the bullying policy.Nothing actually happened.If you do raise it make sure the school really do something about the problem.

Be prepared for the school to take no action and to insist everything is fine