How to find a special needs school for expelled daughter?

[ZippyBee]

Our daughter is age 13 and attends the local state school. She is very likely to be expelled in the next few weeks (meeting with the school this week and they said 'start looking for a new school now').

Daughter is exhibiting a range of poor behaviour (vaping, in school truanting, self-harming, no interest in school, etc.) but oddly enough is generally charming and seen as intellectually capable with no underlying serious mental conditions like ADHD etc. Recently things escalated in relation to her mental health when she made a range of quite serious false allegations about me and these triggered 2 section 47 reports which both concluded that the allegations were false. The judge in our most recent trip to the family court said that this indicates that her mental state is becoming quite serious - and I agree.

We are divorced and have spent the last 6 or 7 years in and out of the family courts with the outcome that she spends about half her time living with each parent. Clearly the parental conflict has taken its toll on our daughter's mental well-being.

I am now thinking that going down the standard PRU and then to another school is just going to yield the same results and am wondering whether a year at a more specialist residential school has the chance of improving things for her. At the very least it has the advantage of getting her away from the parental conflict. Cost does not need to be a barrier as one of the parents is very wealthy.

However, I am a bit stuck as to how to begin the search for the right kind of school. I have done quite a bit of googling, but it seems that most special schools are for children with much more serious mental or behavioural issues.

Where should I be looking and any recommendations?

Specialist School places are like hens teeth and she will need an EHCP to get into one, unless you’re looking at private.

PRU would be much more appropriate.

Yes, we would be going private.

Do you think one of the school search consultants might be able to help? The Good Schools' Guide has links with one.

There absolutely must be parents who relocate to the UK and have DC with SEMH needs (which is the official description for what you describe).

Are you absolutely sure there's no SEN - has she been assessed?

West Heath is one you could look at. Reckon it's about 100 grand a year though...

No SEN assessment has been done. I haven't researched the process to be honest. Although I might have parental bias I really don't believe that daughter would fall under the definition of SEMH needs, but obviously could be wrong!

Daughter is currently under a 'Child in Need' plan with local social services. Ex-partner is currently pushing to get daughter seen by CAMHS, but daughter has previously seen other specialists and refuses to go. I currently do not agree with going to CAMHS as previous experiences with therapists/psychologists have made the situation worse.

I looked up West Heath - that looks like it would be in the right territory of appropriateness. I will contact them.

I'm troubled by your description of self harm as "poor behaviour" and minimisation of what sounds like your DD's significant mental health needs. I think you need to engage with CAMHS. Boarding school is a double edged sword - if your daughter isn't fully on board she will end up feeling she's been sent away as a punishment, and this is likely to exacerbate her mental state.

You can search for schools here.

Not all independent specialist schools accept self funders. When they do it can be very expensive, especially independent SEMH schools. Talking tens of thousands to some over £100k pa just for a day placement.

Definitely request an EHCNA.

That's a very fair challenge and I accept that the words are not a reflection of the situation. I think that I was trying to state the context in the briefest way.

Your point about punishment is a good one. I have already begun thinking about the potential negative conclusion that our daughter might make. Part of the issue from my perspective is that if she doesn't see herself as having agency and responsibility for her actions then all negative consequences are the 'fault' of others. It would therefore be reasonable for her to conclude that being sent away is because her parents are somehow bad people.

Regarding minimising her mental health. I did mention parental bias. When we spend time together (we just went away for a week together over Easter holidays) we have a lovely time and she behaves positively in just about every way. I think it's difficult for most parents to look at their children objectively in many different circumstances.

SEMH is social emotional and mental health needs.

If a judge has commented that she has mental health issues this would seem a good fit?

Can't advise on the school as vapung etc etc are common in many teens with a whole variety of mh issues. You'd need to be more specific.

You could look at Milton Abbey, which isn't a special school but tries to offer a very bespoke provision to each child.

However, if she is not onboard with boarding school herself, as PP have said, she is unlikely to take it well.

I would have concerns about sending her away from you, particularly if she is so much more positive when you are together. I don't think boarding schools are a magic bullet. Is there any way you could use the money you would have spent to take a few months off work and do more things together? Good luck whatever you decide